The Monkey Is In.

So be prepared. Bring a banana.

I'm a writer of horror and dark fiction. I've been doing this since 1999 and believe me when I say, it's cheaper than therapy and safer for the world at large.

Filtering by Tag: beauty

3B April 2016 Review

I'm still on the fence about whether or not I want to keep this subscription. Over a week ago I stared using one of the products I got a few months back and my skin started breaking out. Ugh. Even without the cruelty free issues, I'm not sure the 50/50 odds I'm getting on the skin care  is enough to keep this.

For those who may not know, 3B is a monthly subscription service that provides 4-5 sample sized (sometimes full) Asian beauty products. If you'd like to check them out, go here: 3B

Botanic Farm Mask: I so love sheet masks. Rice is supposed to help purify skin and is good for sensitive skin. So that's cool. Since I'm doing body/face paint for a convention in a couple days, I'll use this afterwards to see if it helps my face recover! Full size value of $2.

Lador Sleeping Clinic Ampoule: This is one of those hair treatments that's supposed to help severely damaged hair. As I don't bleach or color my hair right now, I'm not sure how much it will help. Maybe I'll gift it to someone. This is full size and runs $5 (or $3 on sale at MemeBox)

Benton Honest Cleansing Foam: Again, I'm a little leery of this because the last skin care product broke me out - and I believe this brand also broke me out. But it's usually the creams or serums that do it so hopefully this cleanser won't screw me over. This little sample is maybe worth $1. Full size is $10.

Too Cool for School Egg Mellow Cream: I did try one of the packets already. Nice thick cream and felt really good. I don't know if longer use will break me out but after the first trial, I'm hopeful it'll be fine. Not sure how much came in each little packet but there are 7 of them so you could use them once a day for a week to get an idea of how your skin likes it. Full size, 50g, is about $24.

It's Skin Babyface Eyeshadow: If my research is right, this company IS cruelty free. I have a face power I've been using for a long time that is awesome. So I'm excited for this shadow. And look at that color! These little pans will cost you around $5.

If I give a $3 value to the little packets of face cream, which is probably pretty generous, this month's bag value is about $16. That's kinda skimpy and a little disappointing but it's the first time the value of the bag has been so low. If it happens again, I might get off the 'considering' fence and migrate into full on cancellation land. We'll see...

Petit Vour April 2016

A quick recap: I've been trying to go cruelty free with my makeup. And in that pursuit, I thought I'd try out a beauty subscription service that provides ALL cruelty free/organic/vegan products. Petite Vour is such a subscription service. I only signed up for three months to test it out (as opposed to a subscription - which will run you about $15 each month). If you'd like to check them out, go here: PETIT VOUR

Petit Vour comes in a cute little pink box. After you open it, the "Be Bold. Be Kind." slogan stares up at you with its big soft bunny eyes. It's actually kinda cool. I even love that the card inside, which has all the product info/pricing on the back (TAKE NOTE, IPSY), greets me with a hearty "hooray" and a spray of flowers. That other card is specific to one of the products - extra directions and info. It was a little intimidating. You'll understand when I describe it.

As the items in this box are organic and vegan and all that jazz, don't be surprised by some higher price tags.

Studio 78 Paris Organic Makeup (eyeshadow): The grey swatches you see are of the color eyeshadow I received. Really nice dark grey color with a taupe undertone. Very different. You can keep it light so more of that taupe shows through or build it up to a nice charcoal grey. Apparently no chemicals and bad shit in this brand's makeup so that's good! This will cost you $31-34.  

Kumari River Bath & Body Oil: I do like a nice body oil. You can either put a few dropper fulls into your bath water or rub it into your skin (unless you get the hose again...) after 'hydrotherapy' - read: shower/bath/steam/19th century therapy for mental illness. It smells really nice - little minty, little citrus. I'll try it out this weekend at Comic Con. The gods know I'll probably need some good hydrotherapy at least once. This sample bottle is $8.50 (full size $34).

Bedrock & Bloom Smart Ash Teeth Whitener (extra card was for this product): Okay this stuff scared me a little. It's a black powder that you use to whiten your teeth. Yes, seems contradictory, I know. Just wet your toothbrush, dip it in the powder, and brush your teeth. They give specific instructions and helpful hints to keep your bathroom and yourself relatively clean (this stuff stains, obvi). And I think it actually works. The sample is worth $3, a full jar will cost you $30. But a little goes a very long way.

Arrrgghh and avast, ye scurvy scallywags!

Arrrgghh and avast, ye scurvy scallywags!

Juara Hand & Nail Balm: Like everything made with coconut something or other, this cream is nice but a little heavy on the coconut scent. It also doesn't really feel like my skin is that much softer or smoother after using it. Maybe I need to use more at once time? This sample tube is $2.50. Full size is $25.

If I had set this up as a monthly subscription, my $15 would have gotten me $45 worth of stuff. That's pretty dang good! I'm excited to see how the next two boxes stack up (ha! see what I did there?).

  

 

 

Ipsy April 2016 Review

For those who may not know, Ipsy is a monthly subscription service. For $10, you will get a (sometimes) cute beauty bag with 4-5 samples, or full sized, beauty, skin, and hair products. It's a nice way to try new brands without committing to the full price tag! Check them out here: IPSY

I think from this point on I will try to remember to mark which brands are cruelty free (CF).

The theme for April is Dream On. WHHHHYYYYYYYY ARE THEY SO USELESS WITH THESE FUCKING THEMES??? The bag is kind of cute, though. The back is a bright yellow with tie-dye colors mixed in. I'm not mad at it. But the contents.....let's just break them down.

Crown Duo-Fiber Blush Brush: I always like getting brushes. I've received one or two Crown brushes before and they are awesome. So damn soft! They retail for about $24. That, right there, already covers the value of an Ipsy subscription. (CF - as far as their synthetic brushes go. Not sure how they can guarantee their suppliers of animal hair brushes are harvested cruelty free but that's what they claim).

Tarte Cosmetics LipSurgence Lip Creme: (right swatch below) I was super excited to get this. Tarte is one of those higher end brands that I've only ever purchased once with my own money (eye shadow palette that was decent). This is a generous sample size. The lip crayon is very creamy and has a nice minty scent - but it's not super strong so if you're sensitive to that, it shouldn't bother you too much. Full size is .1 ounces ($24) so this .05 sample runs about $12. And look at that color. So pretty! (CF)

Ok. That's about all I like from this bag. Let's get to the rest.

Nomad Cosmetics Eye Shadow in Desert Sands: Oh yay. Another bronze shade. Awesome. While the color is beautiful (left swatch above), feels soft, and it's a decent sample size, I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF BRONZE COLORS. Cripes. I know they want to put in colors that are more universal but shit - BRONZE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE, YOU KNOW. I can't find a price on this as it looks like the brand doesn't sell these individually but you can see the whole palette this comes from along with other palettes - which actually look pretty gorgeous and a good deal for everything you get. (CF)

Briogeo Overnight Hair Oil Treatment: While this concept is slightly intriguing, I don't look forward to the mess it will create. Since I'm not bleaching and coloring my hair right now, I don't really need this product. But I'll hang on to it just in case that changes....HAHA! Who am I kidding? I'll be so bored with my grey in about 2 months, I can feel it...Full size is 2 ounces ($28) so this sample of .3 ounces is probably around $9. (CF)

Juliette Has a Gun: It's called Not a Perfume so then what the fuck is it, JHAG? Oh, it's just a 'minimal scent', whatever the fuck that means. Personally I think it smells like algae water that passed through an isopropyl alcohol factory where an Orc grabbed it, drank it down then pissed it out onto a hobbit's head. This .16 ounce sample is about $20 (50 mls will cost you $100 and 100 mls is $135). (CF)

For the products I found pricing on, this bag is worth about $65. Pretty slick, Ipsy. Though I'm not super excited about 3 of the 5 products (#firstworldproblems, I know), I can't be too angry because they all come from companies that practice cruelty free/vegan/eco-friendly business.

See you all next month!

 

 

 

 

 

3B March 2016 Beauty Box

Okay, yes. I had the wrong month on the last review. For some reason I thought I missed one but apparently, I didn't. So last month was February and THIS month is March.

Glad we cleared that up.

3B is a monthly beauty subscription box. For $12 a month you get 4-5 samples/full sized Asian beauty, hair, skin products. Click on the link to get one for yourself!

Dermal Dream Sea Cucumber mask: You know I love face masks. I'm very excited to try this out. Apparently this brand, and this particular mask, are INFAMOUS in Korea. La dee dah! (sorry can't find a link for it)

Skinfood My Shortcake mascara: I also love trying different mascaras. This one is supposed to thicken, lengthen (soooo dirty...), and darken my lashes. It also dries quickly and is smudgeproof. My oily eyelids accept that challenge! Full size and it goes for about $7 on Amazon.

Secret Key Witch Hazel toner: I've used straight up witch hazel as a toner before so this is cool. But I think there's added fragrance in here because it doesn't smell as...earthy as regular witch hazel. This is full size and runs around $29!

CosRx Blackhead Silk Finger Balls: My word there's a lot of dirty innuendo in this post. These are little hard (hooo boy) cotton pods that go on your fingers. You soak them in hot water for a couple of minutes then "massage the desired area (wow) with the softened pod". And as I post the picture below, I can't help but notice a slight pornographic nature in it. You can get 2-3 uses from each one. A set of 12 (which is what I believe I got) costs around $5.

I can't even...

Just those three products I could find on-line are valued at about $41. Nice! You guys should get this service, too. Then we can all be dirty together.

Walmart Spring Beauty Box 2016

This will be my final Walmart subscription. I decided to cancel it as this Spring box didn't offer one product from a company that's cruelty free. For those of you who've read my blog, I'm trying to use as many beauty products as I can from companies that don't test on animals. I'm sure I won't be 100% successful in this quest but I'll do my best!

That said, let's get into this review. If you'd like to get your own box, check them out here: Walmart Beauty Box

(I've only tried the little foil samples of products (3) and the foundation samples but the rest I've collected to donate somewhere - by the way, if anyone reading this wants any of this, just contact me!)

Vera Wang Embrace perfume: while the smell is okay, I do love that it came in a mini spray bottle, not one of those teeny tube/wand combos that are IMPOSSIBLE to open without spilling the product everywhere.

Neutrogena Colorstick in Almond Nude: I actually got rid of this exact same shade in my makeup cull recently. It's a nice nude color. I didn't even take the plastic off so I can donate it as brand spanking (ohhhh) new.

Cetaphil Cleanser: nice travel/sample size. I've heard good things about this brand.

Jergens Wet Skin Moisture: this is one of those in shower moisturizers. I have another tube exactly like this that I hadn't even opened yet so I'm planning to give both of them away. The smell is really nice.

Colgate Optic White: this product I kept. If I didn't need to use sensitive toothpaste, I'd be using this. Very good at keeping teeth white without any extra strips or whitening products. So the hubs gets it!

Aveeno Night Cream: Nice little sample size. Can't say if it's any good though!

Roc Multi Correction Cream: I've used the Roc Retinol products before, which work well, but I've never used this one. I'm guessing it's probably pretty good.

Banana Boat Sunscreen: We just bought a big tube of this brand, but not this exact product, before our Florida trip last month. That stuff is okay. Little heavy on the scent but seems to work just fine. 

For the foil packets/little smidge of products:

Neutrogena Healthy Skin liquid makeup/Acne Correct & Cover tinted moisturizer: The first two shades would have worked for me, one as a peachy concealer for dark circles and the other for pure foundation. The tinted moisturizer was the wrong shade for me.

L'Oreal Miracle Blur: didn't notice any blurring effect of this stuff (it's used like a make up primer). But it did ball up on itself so...that sucked.

Olay Regenerist Micro Sculpting Cream and Tone Perfecting Cream: Both felt nice but left my skin feeling kind of dry. Even if I wasn't going cruelty free I'd never buy this stuff.

There were also coupons for most of the products in here, which is cool if you end up falling in love with one of them. Pretty good value for $7, right? *shrugs* Fare thee well, Walmart. I wish you happiness and success!

Ipsy March 2016 Review

For those who may not know, Ipsy is a monthly subscription service for beauty, skin, and hair care products. For  $10 each month, you will receive 4-5 samples (sometimes full size) to try. It's a nice way to test drive a new brand without committing to the full price.

(as always, I purchase this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones)

This month's theme is Hello Spring, however useless that may be. The bag is okay. The print is nice enough but the material is really weird. Almost feels like those LeSac bags that were popular in the 80s. Yes, that just dated me. Shut up.

Living Proof Dry Shampoo - I like a good dry shampoo. Don't know if this is one but I've another hair product from this brand that I like quite a bit. So fingers crossed! This 1.8 ounce can goes for $12.

Nourish Organics Body Oil Mist - Not exactly sure how this can be a mist via squeezie tube but I'll give it a shot (full size is actually a spray bottle - okay, that makes sense). I've only tested it on dry skin. Not that great. I bet this works better on damp skin, like right after a shower. I'll let you know! Full size (3 ounces) is $20 so this .5 ounce tube is about $3 (UPDATE: Yes, it works much better on damp skin and it's pretty awesome)

Me Me Me Loose Powder Brush - I am NEVER mad at getting a brush in these subscriptions. And though I've never heard of this brand, the brush is super soft. It's the perfect size for putting loose powder on my face. I've already used it a half a dozen times. Love. It goes for 14 pounds which is $20 US.

Temptu Brozer - I think this is supposed to be for those airbrush machine thingies. I got a highlighter from this brand early on in my subscription service. And while I don't have one of those airbrush machine thingies, I can still use this. It's a liquid so a little goes a long way. It looks kind of orange in the swatch but it blends out even further so it looks very natural on my skin tone. Full size, 8 ml, goes for $35. So this .25 ounce bottle (which, if I did my math correctly, should be just over 7 mls) is pretty comparable in the price point. Holy crap.

NYX Liquid Suede Cream Lipstick - for those of you who've been reading my posts for a bit already know how I feel about these. Ugh. Disappointed that I got one in my bag this month. I thought maybe because this color is lighter than the one I originally purchased it might be better. Not really. It definitely doesn't look as shitty as the darker color and it sure as hell isn't as drying. But it's patchy and wears off weird. I may not have put an even layer on, though, so I'll play with it a few more times. I got the color Pink Lust and while it's something I don't normally wear, because neon, it is strangely appealing. This is a full size, though, and it goes for $7.

Damn. The value of this bag is about $75 (give or take a few for conversion oopsies). That's pretty good. Whoop!

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs (March 2016 Edition)

Yes! I'm still on schedule! Enjoy it while it lasts, people.

PDs (Panty Droppers)

Nivea Men Post Shave Balm - I know what you're saying. Uh, Peggy, that's a MEN'S product. Yes, yes it is. But apparently one of the beauty mavens on YouTube used this in place of her moisturizer (because she was at her boyfriend's place and didn't have any) and noticed how great it was as a primer. And damn if she wasn't right! Its main ingredient is glycerin which is what helps makeup last longer on your face. It feels so nice on the skin and it smells like boy. It is a strong smell so it's not for everyone. But I love it. Comes in a sensitive formula, too.

ELF Makeup Mist & Set - I've been using this makeup setting spray for years. I think this might be my fifth bottle (it lasts a long time, btw). No major scent that I can tell and it helps my makeup last so much longer than without it. And it's like $3! I linked their site but you can get this brand at Meijer and Target and possibly Walgreens or Walmart.

L'Oreal Infallible Pro-Matte Foundation - I'm not a huge foundation gal. I have a few but I usually reach for a BB or CC cream first. But I got this on a whim and tried it a few times. Damn if this stuff doesn't make my skin look awesome. I thought it would look too dry, as it's matte, but it really doesn't. And it stays on the skin for HOURS! As in, all day. Good stuff.

Kat Von D Tattoo Liquid Eyeliner - Several people had recommended this product so eventually I caved and spent the $20 to get one. Um...worth every penny. I got the Mad Max Brown color and it's gorgeous. It dries down and doesn't fucking move all day. After about 8 hours, the wing I'd made did start to break down but I have watery eyes so I think that contributed to it. Otherwise, this liner is TITS!

 

MEHs

Maybelline Dream Velvet Foundation (left swatch) - I admit. YouTube reviews made me want this. And while the color is a decent match for me (nice pink undertone) and the foundation feels nice, it looks awful. I've tried blending this with brushes and sponges and both ways look dry and cakey on me. It looks nice on a lot of people. Just not me.

Milani Eyebrow Gel (middle swatch) - I love Milani products so when they came out with an eyebrow gel, I needed to get it. The color is awesome. It's a nice cool toned brown. And the brush is small (not as small as L'Oreal brow plumper but not as big as NYX's brow gel) so it's easy to work with. The trouble is I can't get any fucking product on the damn brush! No matter how many times I dip that into the tube, barely anything comes out. I had to dip it 3 times to get that swatch above. And, once it dries, it flakes. A lot. *is sad* Maybe if I had more brow hairs to hold onto the product it would be better. I think it is one of those fiber gels. Oh well. They have other stuff I can try next!

Colourpop Highlighter  (right swatch) - Now, I love a lot of CP stuff. I do want to do a one-brand review soon. But every now and again, something just hits me wrong. When I first got this, I thought it was a beautiful soft gold/champagne highlight with a little shimmer. And while the product itself is wonderful and the color is gorgeous, it's mostly glitter. I've tried it for weeks and on days when my skin was drier or softer or really hydrated. It still looks the same. I don't mind some glitter now and again but I just couldn't get down with this, no matter how much I wanted to. I linked their whole highlighter page because they have others that are awesome.

 

GFYs (Go Fuck Yourselves)

CVS Eye Makeup Remover - I've used this stuff a lot but someone somewhere along the food chain of CVS product development totally fucked this up. The "NEW" label obviously means "Useless and Burny" because that's what this is. You can see how much I used of the contents before screaming my rage from my rooftop.

Acure Day Cream - Maybe I should have put this in the MEH category but any skin care product that breaks me out deserves to be shoved down the garbage disposal. Loved the smell. Hated the product.

Too Faced Shadow Insurance - Um, for a brand that's so fucking pricey, I expected more. I don't mean quantity as this is a sample. But I mean in quality. The eye shadows I've used aren't that great and this primer follows suit. It doesn't work that well and after a month or so started separating (as in when I squeezed the tube, nasty oily liquid splooged out). What the hell, TF? 

Rimmel Stay Glossy - I know it looks pink in the tube but it's basically colorless. If I wanted colorless gloss, that's what I'd buy. Also the shimmers have separated from the gloss (2nd pic - that dark pink band is where I swiped the applicator in the bottle). If I have to mix my gloss every time...fuck you, Rimmel. (can't find the color I have - SHOCKING - so I linked another one)

Wet & Wild Megalast Liquid Lip Color - Not sure if W&W was trying to be like the bazillion other liquid lipsticks out there but I think they missed. While the color on these are gorgeous, there's so much glitter in them that they feel gritty. Like 40 grade sandpaper. Yeah, that's exactly what I want to put on my mouth. Jerks.

Swisspers Cotton Swabs - Yep. I'm still of the school of thinking that anything less than the Q-Tip brand is not worth a bucket of spit. And when you can get 300 Swisspers for $1, don't put that shit anywhere near your body. Use it for arts and crafts or something. Not your face or your ears, okay? I don't even have the package anymore because I threw them all into my crafting bag.

 

All righty. That covers the last two months. Come back and see me in May when I will praise, shrug off, or set a flame the next list of products.

 

March Morgue Drawer

It's been EXACTLY 2 months since I posted my last MD. Way to keep on schedule, Monkey. WOOHOO!

 

BEAT THAT MUG

Top Picture:

Mario Badescu Facial Spray - I use this stuff every morning after I wash my face but before I put on my moisturizer. It smells like roses and makes my skin feel soft. I'll mist this on during the day, too, if I want a little refresher. Already repurchased.

Chapstick Hydration Lock Day/Night - the day side, with SPF, was actually drying. Did not like at all. The night side was much better but I accidentally smooshed it before I could finish it up. Oh well.

Peter Thomas Roth Oilless Oil - Um, feels like oil to me, pal. Nice, light, worked as a good extra layer of moisture under my night cream. Not sure I'd use it in the summer though.

H2O+ Micro Collagen Moisturizer - felt soft, like a silicone primer, but my skin still felt tight and dry. Had to double up or use an oil underneath.

Be a Bombshell Lip Balm - LOVED this stuff. Very smooth and soft. Lasted on my lips for a long time.

Advanced Snail 96 Essence - I can't tell if this serum did anything but I liked the texture of it. Felt like a thin gel, not an oil. My skin did look nice but who knows if this alone was responsible.

Sephora Rose Eye Mask - It felt nice. Didn't really see a difference in my under eye though.

3W Clinic Masks - The Aloe mask felt super soft. Didn't feel like it did much, though. The Snail mask was dry as hell. The Milk mask was nice and my skin felt very moisturized after. (I linked the Aloe one but you can search for the others from there)

Missha Eye Patch - Technically, there were two. It actually burned a little. My skin felt dry after I took them off.

Hada Labo Anti Aging Mask - very nice mask, super saturated with essence. My skin felt really nice after. But anti aging? *shrugs*

Bottom Picture:

CVS Oil Free Eye Makeup Remover (dupe for Neutrogena brand)- meh. Does an okay job but it stung a little.

Nip+Fab Exfoliating Facial Pads - Loved these. Smell is good, soft and light. And they're not rough. The exfoliating comes from the glycolic acid, I believe. It did feel like there was a film on my skin but more of a protective one as opposed to that unclean feeling. Kinda cool.

Vasanti Enzymatic Face Cleanser - nice cleanser but way too harsh for my skin. It actually created bumps on my face. Not cool.

Simple Cleansing Micellar Water - meh. Does an okay job but it doesn't remove all makeup. It stings a bit on the eyes, too.

Montagne Jeunesse Cucumber Peel Off Mask - I've tried a bunch from this brand and this was just okay. The smell is super strong and I didn't see or feel any difference in my skin.

Skin Food 3-Step System - Egg White Pore Foam was a great cleanser. The Water Berry Serum felt super light and smelled great! The Miracle 10 Cream has a nice floral scent, moisturized very well, and it lasted all night. A great trio face care system.

 

DOES A BODY GOOD (OR NOT)

Top Picture:

Mitchell and Peach Body Cream - nice light cream, absorbs well. Smells TERRIBLE.

Albertini International Divine Skin Hydrator - this is  the first in-shower moisturizer I ever used. Loved it! Doesn't leave the shower too slippery and the moisture lasted all day.

Etude House "My Castle" Rose Hand Cream - AWESOME AWESOME! This is a nice thick hand cream. Very moisturizing and it smells just like fresh cut roses. I have a lot of good luck with Etude House products.

La Vanilla Body Butter - I think I talked about this in a PD/MEH/GFY post. The cream is nice but the smell is so artificial and kind of sickening. Their perfume is awesome but this stuff sucks.

NSpa Coconut Body Butter - the smell is very artificial but the cream itself is fantastic. My skin felt soft all day.

Schick Hydro Razor - the moisture strip surrounding the blades wears out really fast but it's still a decent razor.

Bottom Picture:

Bath and Body Works Vampire Blood Foaming Soap - I've kind of fallen in love with foaming hand soaps. Smells like plums but it's very sweet - might be off putting to some. (this was a limited edition Halloween scent but the link will take you to the rest of their foaming soaps)

Caress Body Wash - these are good body washes. This scent is very strong but it didn't seem overpowering.

Marc Anthony Oil of Morocco Hair Spray - at this point, I will never buy another hair spray besides this one. Light hold, smells fantastic. This is my 2nd or 3rd travel size. I get the full sized can, too.

Oil of Olay Body Wash - this was very nice. Soft scent and really hydrated my skin.

Bath and Body Works Sensual Body Wash - LOOOOOOOOVE this scent. I have another bottle just waiting for me.

 

Okay. That should do it for this installment. Tune in mid May (probably AFTER Comic Con) for the continuing saga of shit I've used up...

Ipsy February 2016 Review

For those who may not know, Ipsy is a monthly subscription. For $10 each month, you will received 4-5 samples (some full size) of beauty, skin, and hair products. It's a great way to try new brands without committing to a high price tag! Check them out at www.ipsy.com

(I purchase this each month with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones)

This month's theme is Pretty In Pink. Don't know if that's a nod to the 30th anniversary of the John Hughes' film of the same name but whatever. Still useless.

At first glance the bag had me shaking my head but I quickly fell in love with it. I have no idea why but I did. So sue me for being a girly girl.

Dr. Brandt Pore Dermabrasion exfoliator: I love exfoliators, unless they're too harsh. Haven't tried this one yet but I've heard of the brand. Not sure if I had something from them before...Anyway, a 2 ounce size goes for $58. So this 1/8 ounce values out at around $7.25. Hope it doesn't suck.

Promise Organic face lotion: I like to try different face creams and you can actually get this at CVS. Full size, 1.7 ounces, is $15. This sample is about 1/3 size so it costs around $5.

Smashbox Primer Oil: I've heard a few reviews on this. It's not so much a face primer to help your makeup last longer but more of a skin prep to help moisturize your face to get it ready for primer and makeup. I'm oily but I get dry in the winter so this could be cool. 1 ounce costs $42 so this 1/10th size sample costs about $4.

Tre'Stique Baby Blush Stick: I've gotten the eye shadow stick before which is drier than a popcorn fart and just as difficult to deal with. This blush stick is very soft, almost dries to a powder finish, but is a little tricky to blend. The color is peach with a pink undertone (though it looks pretty orange in the swatch). Very flattering. Don't know how much you get in the full size ($34) but I'll take a guess at 1/3 the size so let's say this sample is around $10.

Trust Fund Nail Polish: The color is called "I'm Kind Of a Big Deal". HA! I've received this brand before. And just like that one, this color is nice but pretty patchy. It's kind of thick so two coats will peel very easily off the nail. *shrug* This is a full size so it's worth $15.

Overall, a $41 value is pretty good. I'm happy with this one!

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs

With the new year, I'm hoping to get on a more regimented schedule with this column. It seems like I post these anywhere from every month and a half to every three. That's a little too random. So I think I might try to do this every two months which should give me enough time to find stuff that I love or want to set on fire.

So here we go with the first 2016 list! (I'm trying to use a professional styled camera for these pics now and I think it's obvious I need to practice. I still don't know what all the buttons do or how to change the settings so excuse the crappy focus on these until I can get my shit together)

Panty Droppers (PDs)

Revlon Ultra HD Matte Cream Lip Color: These just came out a month or so ago in the ever reaching trend of liquid to matte lipsticks. And while the few I've tried have just completely SUCKED ASS, I love this one. Probably because it doesn't full dry down to a complete matte. It stays a bit creamy on the lips and will transfer - to your coffee cup, donut, the delivery man - so keep that in mind. You can blot with a tissue and that will make it look more matte. But if you're like me and can't stand the Saraha Desert on your mouth, you'll love these. The colors are gorgeous, the formula feels like a whipped gel, and I actually like the fruity smell. They run anywhere from $7-$9, depending on where you go. Got my at Walgreens. The colors I have (from bottom to top): Seduction, Devotion, Addiction. 

Chips Ahoy Chocolate Chip Cookies with Oreo Cream Filling: You read that right. Imagine a soft baked Chips Ahoy cookie. Now picture a thin layer of Oreo filling right in the middle. Can you see it? It's glorious, isn't it? I know it sounds like it would be too sweet. Don't get me wrong - it is very sweet. But in no way is it overpowering or gag inducing. It's a beautiful tasty creation.

YSL Touche Elcat Concealer/Brightener: I got 3 little samples on a promotional card from a Sephora order, I think. The first two were for fair skin and the third for a medium complexion. Obviously the third was too dark but the first two were gorgeous. No. 1 (bottom right of swatches) has a nice peach tone to it so it covers dark circles well. No. 2 (middle right) worked great as a non-shimmery highlighter and concealer. Unfortunately this stuff is $42 a pop so I don't think I'll be purchasing some any time soon.

Colourpop Gel Liner: Colourpop is mostly a huge hit for me, with just a few misses (I'll do a Colourpop centric review in a bit). And their gel liners just came out a little while ago so I thought I'd give them a shot. Awesome stuff! I tried it the first time without priming or powdering my lids. And that shit lasted a good 8-10 hours before it started to fade. That's fucking crazy! Especially with my super oily lids. It does dry pretty quick so it's difficult to go back and fix any mistakes. But it's totally worth $6! The color is called Workout.

 

MEHs

Dermalogica Multivitamin Power Serum: I can only give this a meh rating because it totally broke me out. Though it smelled really nice and it felt very silky going on the skin, it's just not worth it if it gives me pizza face. Oh well. I'm sure I'll get over it and its $66 price tag soon enough...okay, I'm over it.

Kiss of Cherry lip balm (Nivea): I love the Kiss of Moisture balms from Nivea but like the one with SPF, the Cherry one dries my lips like a mo-fo. I don't know if the staining color that's the culprit or what but I couldn't even finish the tube. It smells fantastic and feels great at first so it could just be my sensitive ass (that's where it goes, right?). You can find this for $2-$3.

Almay Get Up and Grow Mascara: I can't remember if I put this stuff in another list but if I did and gave it any higher rating than MEH, I was an idiot. It does give fantastic volume and my lashes felt soft, never crunchy. But it ended up smudging on both my upper and lower lids. Booooo. It retails for around $7-$9.

 

GFYs (Go Fuck Yourselves)

Carol's Daughter Monoi Hairspray: I don't know who the fuck Carol or her daughter are but their hairspray is crap. The smell is gag inducing so I can't even use enough of it to get an idea of its usefulness. The can it came in leaks a bit, too. Ugh. And it costs $22? NOT.

Pur-lisse Eye Serum: I believe I just talked about this in my Ipsy bag review. This crap is awful. It burns my skin. It's not like the tissues of the under eye are already sensitive or anything. Ass hats. $65 price tag? What a fucking joke.

(I guess I hated the last three items on this list so much that I threw them away already)

City Color Be Bold Mascara: I've gotten this brand a few times in Ipsy and most of it is good. But this stuff sucks. It's gloppy, smudgy, clumpy, and all around awful. It doesn't do much for either volume or length. I'd expect a little better for $6.

Garnier Shine Control Cleansing Gel (charcoal): I think I got this after I realized I didn't want to buy the Olay scrubby wash anymore. This stuff smells so bad and it totally broke me out. This runs around $8.

Derma e Anti Wrinkle Glycolic Scrub: I was so sad about this one. I have a couple other Derma e products that are wonderful. But this smelled so strongly like old fashioned Ivory soap and it was very rough on the skin. And I'm such a delicate fucking flower, apparently, that it broke me out, too.

That's it for now, kiddies. I'll (hopefully) be back in two months with some more fun!

Ipsy January 2016 Review

Here we are in the new year with another Ipsy review. For those who may not know, Ipsy is a monthly beauty subscription service. For $10 each month you get 5 samples (sometimes a full size or two) of makeup, skin care, and/or hair products. It's a great way to try new things but not be committed to a higher price tag. Check them out: www.ipsy.com

(I purchase this subscription with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones) 

All Eyes On You is the January theme. I really wish they'd make a card that gives a description of all the items and their monetary value. So completely useless. I like the material of the bag this month but the print is really not me. That will be going into the donation pile. I'm sure someone else will like it!

Mitchell and Peach Body Cream: This is the only product I haven't tried yet. I just finished up some body butter from my Walmart box so I think I'll open this one next. I'll let you know how it goes. Full size is about $51 for six ounces so this one ounce size runs $8.5 (assuming the conversion rate I used it up to date - this stuff is from Britain).

Purlisse Eye Serum: Yes, this is a teeny sample size but since you only need a little bit each use, this will last a long time. But for someone else because I don't like it. It burns my skin. I'm pretty sure that's not the end goal here. A full size of this is .5 ounces and goes for $65 (WHAAAAT???) so the .24 ounces in the bag runs $32.50 (are they fucking high?).

(top pic)

City Color Eye Shadow Trio in Falling Leaves: I've loved most of the City Color stuff I've received before. And while these shadows aren't terribly pigmented and a bit powdery (I had to go in half a dozen times for the peachy highlight shade to show up) they are so frakkin pretty! And I'm not one who gravitates toward a lot of warm colors, particularly a burnt orange like in this trio. But I wore them the other day and these bitches did NOT move for at least eight to ten hours if not longer. This is a full sized product and goes for $6.

(bottom pic)

Peek Beauty Natural Stain Brow Powder: Very interesting product. It's made with henna and other oils. Cruelty free, natural and organic. Kinda cool. Explains the mostly powdery texture but it feels like it sticks better than a powder, if that makes sense. It definitely looks more reddish on my brow than in the swatch but with a darker brow gel over it, it works pretty well. You can use the powder alone for a soft look or build it up for heavy glam. I can't find just one brow color pan (on the site it shows 2 per pan) so let's call this $11 (both colors go for $22). 

The Balm Cosmetics Mr. Write Now Eyeliner: I don't have a lot of theBalm cosmetics because they are a little pricey. The shadow sample I got in an Ipsy bag last year was pretty nice as is this eyeliner. My color is Scott B. Bordeaux, a nice wine/plum color. It's a little on the dry side but I think that's why it's staying power is so good. It can be smudged out a bit but you have to work at it a little. Lasted a good eleven hours before it started to break down. This is full sized and goes for $17.

Holy shit. The total value of this bag is about $75! Daaayuum. Naturally the most expensive thing in here is the one that I hate the most but I'm happy about the rest of it. Good job, Ipsy.

Ipsy December 2015 Review

The final Ipsy bag for 2015. Is it really the end of the year? What the fuck?

Ipsy is a monthly beauty subscription service that delivers 4-5 samples (sometimes a full size product) of beauty, skin care, and hair products for $10 each month. I purchase this with my own money and all opinion are my own. Check them out at: http//www.ipsy.com

The card this month was basically a thank you to all the subscribers for making Ipsy awesome. So...that was kind of nice, actually. The bag is a bright cherry red plastic with a quilted pattern. Sort of hideous but it's red so I dig it.

The RickyCare beauty sponge: the original Beauty Blender is getting a serious run for it's money with all these dupes out there. I personally use the Real Techniques one (because I'm not paying $20 for a sponge - RT is only $6). But this one feels so nice. It's almost like micro suede! I think this is full sized, too. Cost is $10 (still a bit pricey but the feel of it might be worth it).

Marc Anthony Coconut Oil Conditioning Treatment: I've used several products from this line (the hair spray is my favorite) but the last deep conditioning treatment left my hair greasy and weighed down. The Coconut oil might be better but I'm leery. This trial size is about $1.

Elizabeth Mott Eye Primer: I've heard of this brand but never tried anything from it. When I put it on but didn't powder set it before I put on eyeshadow my makeup totally faded and creased within a couple of hours. However, powdering it before applying eyeshadow makes it work much better. This sample is about $6 but full size is $20. That's a little pricey.

Tarte Cosmetics Amazonian Clay Finishing Powder: Tarte is one of those high-end brands so I was stoked to get it in my bag this month. I have one eyeshadow palette from them that is a little disappointing but I had high hopes for this powder. And aside from the slight white cast is gives me, my skin does look smooth and pretty when I used it. This sample is 1/2 the regular size and is worth about $7.

Pacifica Power of Love Natural Lipstick: Though the color says Nudie Red it's definitely warmer than I like. I don't love the color but the product itself is not bad. Very creamy, feels great on my lips, and lasts a while. The smell is a little overpowering (all their stuff smells like coconut) but I don't mind it. This is full-sized and worth $10.

I'm happy about the sponge, the lipstick, and the face powder. Looks like the whole bag is worth about $34 so that's cool!

Ipsy October/November 2015 Reviews

Here's another double review for you! For those who don't know, Ipsy is a monthly beauty subscription service. For $10 you can 4-5 samples (sometimes deluxe sized, sometimes full) of beauty products. These can range from make up to skin care to hair products. Check them out!  (as always, I purchase this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones).  https://www.ipsy.com/

Let's start with October!

The theme for October was Alter Ego (whatever). Not that crazy about the bag. It looks like gold lame on the one side and black S&M vinyl on the back. 5 products came this month but I used some points to cash in on two extras.

Emite Slanted Tweezers: What needs to be said? They're tweezers. I actually needed a pair so it worked out for me but really, ipsy? Tweezers? Looking up this brand on-line, they are Swedish so I had to do a bit of conversion to get a value (read: Googled it). Apparently 200 Krona is about $22. FOR FUCKING TWEEZERS?!?

The Balm Meet Matt(e) Hughes Lipstick: (middle swatch) I've never tried the Balm lip products before and this shit is for real. Extremely long lasting (I ate a meal and some snacks and this stuff still stayed on), smells nice and minty, and it NOT drying at all. It does get really sticky as it dries down but the color doesn't peel or pull off. Does that make sense? Though I'm not crazy about the color - it's a little too warm for me - I'd be willing to spend $17 on a full size. This sample goes for around $3.50

Mica Beauty Cream Eyeshadow: (right swatch) I think I have other stuff from Mica. This cream shadow is a gorgeous gold/bronze shade (though this color is getting very tiresome from Ipsy). It's very pigmented and swatches nicely. Not patchy. I have no idea how it looks on the eyes because I can barely remove it from the back of my hand after 30 minutes of scrubbing with a makeup wipe. I'll need to get an oil based removed to see if that helps. Otherwise, I may never wear it, which would be a shame because it is pretty. It's an exclusive product for Ipsy so I couldn't find it on their site. Their regular mineral eye shadows are a similar weight and got for $15.

Lavanilla Laboratories Pure Vanilla Rollerball: I've reviews a lotion from these folks before and I didn't like the scent. It was way too heavy and artificial. That said, this roller ball perfume is everything I want in a vanilla scent! It's perfection in a tiny bottle! This mini size goes fro $12. I might consider purchasing the larger size at $19 (it's double the amount of the mini) but since I don't go through perfume all that fast I'd have to think on it. 

Ayres Hand Cream: I have a few other hand creams to work through so I haven't opened this one yet. The full size goes for $12.50 (1.4 ounces) so this .7 ounce bottle is about $6.25.

So this whole bag's value goes for almost $59. I'd say that's a steal, even if $22 of it goes for fucking tweezers. Lame.

The extras I got are:

Pixi Eyebrow Trio: It's a little baby palette of powders for brows. The highlight shade didn't swatch at all. The two brown shades take a lot of back and forth to get the damn color to show up. So if you want just a hint of color in your brows, something soft, this could work. But the pigmentation is so shitty I'm not sure it's even worth it. Definitely not worth $6 and not worth the points I wasted on it.

Befine Cucumber Mask: I can't even remember if I've tried this yet. I want to say yes because I wanted to know if the cucumber smell was crazy. And I don't believe it was. Full size (4 ouces) goes for $25 so this 1 ounce sample is about $6.

 

WHEW! Now let's get on to November!

Theme is Beauty Blast. Who knows? The bag is totally cute and colorful though the materials is similar to a vinyl pool toy. But I'm already over it.

Pantene Blowout Extend Dry Shampoo: I haven't tried this one yet as I have another can of Batiste to work through. But I'm a little nervous. My stylist (current and ones in the past) have warned me off Pantene shampoo products before so I'm not too eager to crack this baby open. Full size goes for $5-7 so this sample is probably around $2.

Tre'Stique Mini Matte Lip Crayon: I got the color Chili Red and I first I thought it was an obnoxious bright cherry color but it's a little deeper on my lips. It's definitely got a blue base so it works out for my skin tone. It feels like nothing is on your lips. Not drying at all and it lasts forever! I forgot I had the stuff on and it lasted through most of the day which included eating at least one meal and some snacks. I can't find the matte crayon alone (it's only paired with a gloss stick) and goes for $28. BUT you can purchase 3 mini crayons for $25 so I'd put this one mini's value at around $8.

Smashbox Full Exposure Mascara: I don't normally buy a lot of high-end makeup. But if something is really good, I seriously consider it. I got a sample of this and while I don't agree it adds volume at all, it does a beautiful job of separating and lengthening my lashes beautifully! I think it's the natural bristle brush - those are my favorite. Not sure if I'd spend $20 on a full size though. I don't know how much is in a full size but I'm guessing this sample of 3 ml is product 1/4 of a regular tube so figure on $5 value.

Absolute NY Nano Liner: I do love a good liquid liner pen. Though they have a tendency to dry out faster than the brush/bottle combos, they are a bit easier to use. I've only swatched this on my hand but it went on smoothly and you can make the line thin or thick. I believe this is full size which goes for $10.

Jelly Pong Pong Liquid Gossamer: I've heard of this brand but never tried it before. This is a liquid/cream product that you're supposed to use all over your face for a luminous look. I can't do that because my pores are as big as New Jersey so this kind of product just accentuates that. HOWEVER, it would make an awesome highlight and I'm kind of addicted to highlighters right now. The color is a gorgeous rose champagne and it doesn't look like there's a lot of chunky glitter in it. I don't mind a little but too much or too big comes off like little kid makeup. This is a full size tube and it goes for $23.

Overall I'm super happy with this month. It's value is probably just under $50 so even though last month seemed to have more value, I like the products in November's bag much better!

 

November 2015 Morgue Drawer - PART II

...pation.

All righty. Here we go with Part II of my Morgue Drawer clean up. Let us begin with hair.

Dove Dry Spray Deodorant: (I totally forgot I put this product in with this group so yeah, technically it's not for the hair...unless you don't shave your pits. Then it could count. Anyway, moving on...) I guess this product worked okay but the smell was so over powering. I'd spray it on and then have to leave my room for about 10 minutes until the spray dissipated. Won't be purchasing again.

Batiste Dry Shampoo Cherry Scent: I adore the formula of Batiste. I don't feel like I have to spray half the can to get results. The smell of cherry is not very strong but the general perfumey scent is very strong. Much like the Dove deodorant. I've since purchased another scent, which isn't nearly as bad, so I'm going to stick with this brand for a while!

Psssst! Dry Shampoo: I think there's more propellant than dry shampoo in this. So basically my head felt frozen by the time I got any product out. I used up this can in just a few applications. LAME.

Not Your Mother's Dry Shampoo: I talked about this in a PD, GFY post. TERRIBLE! USELESS! DISAPPOINTING! Do not purchase.

L'Oreal Repair Shampoo/Conditioner: My hair did look less frizzy and dry after using these. So I purchased the full sized bottles. Just waiting to get through them so I can move on and try something else. They're not great but they do smell nice and seem to work a little bit.

Marc Antony Macadamia Oil Conditioning Treatment: I didn't really notice a difference in my hair after using this. Smells awesome but I probably won't buy it again.

Moving on to makeup removers/cleansers:

Olay Regenerist Cream Cleanser: This was a great exfoliating cleanser. Just the right amount of scrubbies to exfoliate but not shred the face. Unfortunately, this is one of those micro bead exfoliators so the little bits are now clogging up the water works and NOT disintegrating. So I decided not to repurchase. *le sigh*

Etude House Baking Powder Cleanser: Now here's a product that a nice exfoliator (not quite as much scrubby going on as Olay but still pretty good) and it's natural so the powder won't clog up Mother Nature. The smell was fanstastic - very citrusy! Since it's a Korean product, I might have to do a little digging to purchase the full size!

Pacifica Make Up Wipes: UGH. Terrible product! Whatever the cleaning agent is on these burns like a mother fucker. The cloths were very rough and they didn't do that great of a job removing make up. The coconut smell was way too strong. Awful.

Derma E Hydrating Facial Wipes: All Lies! These wipes were so dry. They were terrible! 

Target Up & Up Make Up Wipes: These were pretty good. Did a good job of removing make up (just not eye make up that well), the cloths were soft, and the smell was nice. Burned if I used them to remove eye make up, though. Not sure if I'll get these again.

And finally, MAKE UP!!

Benefit They're Real Mascara: Why, oh why, did this have to be good? Benefit is one of the more expensive brands of makeup so I have a hard time justifying paying $24 for just mascara. But this stuff did work really well. My lashes looked beautiful!. Dammit, Benefit!

Soft Lips Balm Cube: Blech. The scent and flavor are nice but the balm itself is awful. It's one of those where the more you use it, the dryer you lips feel. I know it doesn't make any sense. It's possible it has SPF in it, which is usually drying, or it could just suck ass. Didn't work for me. Couldn't even finish it.

Revo Lip Balm: Revo was kind of similar to SoftLips. The textures were different (Revo felt more waxy) and again, scent and flavor were nice. But my lips never really felt moisturized at all. Won't repurchase.

Rose MIne Lip Balm: I got this in a Meme box AGES ago. It took forever to work my way through the tube but that's just a statement to its greatness. It lasted on the lips for quite a while and was completely moisturizing. It had the look and feel similar to those silicone face primers. Sounds weird, I know, but it was awesome.

Y.E.T. Lip and Cheek Color: I loved this stuff. Smelled great and was such a soft pretty peach color that worked on both the lips and cheeks. Normally I don't like those combo things because they're usually not good for either. But this was nice. Unfortunately, it started to dry out and left my lips feeling gross so I had to toss it. *sad trombone*

Dear Berry Blusher: I loved this cream blush. Shaped like a little scoop of ice cream, it was a fantastic soft pink color that blended beautifully. Unfortunately, I couldn't use it up fast enough and it started to dry out. *chorus of sad trombones*

Benefit Porefessional Face Primer: Okay I think I finally figured out that this product DID break me out a little bit. No worries, though. I have other primers that work just as well that don't make my face look like a pizza.

Revlon Colorstay Concealer: This is a nice heavy concealer. It also has a bit of color correction for my purple bits under the eyes. Mostly I use it for zit concealment because the heavier creamy products get into the fine lines under my eyes and look icky. This tube got kinda old so I just bought a replacement - with the doe foot applicator instead of the twisty tube. Much better.

Catrice Eyeliner Pen: TERRIBLE! I talked about this in a PD, GFY post and it's just awful. Smudges like a mo-fo and transfers easily but near impossible to remove when you want to. So lame.

Essence Gel Liner: This stuff is great! It's super black, stays forever, doesn't smudge or transfer, but you can remove it easily. I had to buy another pot because this one dried out.

Wet & Wild Mega Liner: A great liquid liner. I tried out a whole shit ton of liquid liners and I ended up going back to this. I've repurchased already. This stuff does NOT budge and the teeny bottle lasts a long time. 

ELF Makeup Setting Spray: I love this stuff. Does a great job of setting my makeup and helping it to last just a little bit longer. Nothing lasts forever but this does extend the wear of my makeup! Already repurchased.

Whew! I think that covers it. Maybe I'll go through my drawer a little more often so I don't have to write such long posts. But I'm a lazy asshole so don't count on it.

Until next time, my lovelies!

3B September 2015 Beauty Box

Another beauty subscription I get is 3B: Beauty Beyond Borders. It's all Asian beauty products (mostly Korean) and goes for $12 per month. You get 4-5 sample/full sized items that aren't so east to come by in the US. But it's a great way to try them out and then if you fall in love, you can find them on-line! (I know 3B is working on a store front of their own which makes shopping for these things SO much easier) 

https://the3bbox.com/

I haven't tried the Leaders Mediu Snail Therapy hand cream yet (apparently snail essence is the latest trend in skin care...eww) as I have a couple others I need to work through first. But this looks full size, which runs around $8.

I've tried the Secret Key Honey Bee's spot control and yeah, that shit works. I worry its mostly alcohol (because that's what it smells like) but it dried up a giant zit I had within 36 hours. This is also full size, I think, and that costs anywhere between $10-$22 (depending on where you purchase it).

I've been using the RiRe Luxe Lash Essence for 3-4 days so I can't really tell if it's doing anything yet. You put it on at night and I guess it works its magic then. It's a clear fluid but it dries kind of sticky and hard, like a gel would. So if you don't like that, you probably won't like this. It's full size and goes for $16.

The Yu-Be skin scream smells like straight up menthol. Ugh. I'd heard a lot of great things about this product so you can imagine my disappointment. Because who the hell wants to walk around smelling like Halls or VapoRub? It does feel nice on the skin, though! Could make a nice stimulating foot cream so I'll let you know. This is definitely a small sample but the full size runs $16.

Overall I'm really happy with this month!

Walmart Beauty Box Fall 2015

For those who may not know, Walmart has a beauty subscription service four times a year (that's once a quarter for those of you playing at home). It's only $5 per box and you get so much stuff. Mostly sample sized, one to two full sized goodies, and a bunch of coupons. Check them out to get your own. https://beautybox.walmart.com/

Look at all this stuff! I've already tried a few of the products. The Dove deodorant is actually really nice. It's not an invisible solid or anything but it's so soft and works pretty well. So it's good to know I have a back up in case Secret goes out of business or it's unavailable for any reason at the store. That little bottle with the green juice is ACT mouth rinse. I like this brand a lot and this is the kind without alcohol so I can use it without burning off the surface skin cells of my mouth. I also tried the Crest Professional Polish 3D white 2-step sample. First, it's not enough to really get an idea if your teeth are any whiter (I got 2 uses out of it). Second, that's just too much work for a product that tastes terrible and burns a little bit.

I have not tried the Curel lotion, John Frieda hair conditioning treatment, or the Nivea lotion. The razor is a full sized product. I got laser hair removal a few years back but I do get a handful of stray hairs that grow unencumbered. I still need to shave from time to time so this was a cool product. But can we take a moment to appreciate the Roc Retinol serum? That shit will cost you $16 at Walmart and upward of $20+ at other drug stores. So DAYUM!

There are a bunch of coupons as well so this box, like all the others I've received, is worth every penny of $5!

PDs, GFYs, and MEHs - September 2015 Edition

Well, August kind of got away from me so I'll be combining it with September for this list of Panty Droppers, Go Fuck Yourselves, and Mehs. 

First, let's get to the good stuff. (I didn't take pics of everything in each category - just the stuff that was close at hand!)

For my beauty PD products, I've got these three pictured above. Almay Smart Shade CC cream, the Rimmel Fix & Perfect face primer, and the Neutrogena Hydro gel. I love the CC cream because it's a nice shade match for me and it's not heavy or full coverage (which I prefer). I do feel like my natural oiliness comes through but I don't look greasy, does that make sense? The Rimmel primer is awesome. It looks and feels like a light lotion but it really sinks into the skin and it doesn't feel like I'm wearing anything (on my face, pervs). The Hydro gel was a sample and it smelled awesome! It worked really well, too, so I'm hoping when I get the full size, it won't disappoint me like the Hada Labo gel did.

For food, I've got two things for you:

Annie's Cheddar Bunnies and Animal Crackers. I've only tried the snack products from this company. The extra cheesy cheddar bunnies are better than the regular and the animal crackers are wonderful. They kind of taste like the original animal crackers we all grew up on (us old people, anyway) but they are much more dense. I believe all of their products are natural, possibly organic (don't quote me) and their business practices aim for social responsibility. I've found these at Target, Meijers, and Value Center. You've got to try some! www.annies.com

Oreo Pumpkin Spice: I know, I know. Everything is turning up pumpkin spice right now because Fall. I, personally, am not a freak about it. I don't run out and get anything and everything in this scent or flavor (most pumpkin candles make me barf and I don't need my coffee to taste like a gourd). HOWEVER, Oreos are some of my favorite cookies and when I saw these, I had to try them. I believe they came out last year but the are limited edition each fall. AND THEY ARE AMAZEBALLS! If you like pumpkin pie, you'll like these.

The last thing is not a product but a technique. I'm probably the last one to jump on this bandwagon but from watching Emily Noel on YouTube (emilynoel83), I discovered how awesome it is to apply cream blush with a stippling brush. It makes it so much easier to blend out the product that you just can't get with your fingers. Who knew? (everyone besides me, I'm sure)

 

Now for the Go Fuck Yourselves:

Beauty and Hair was all about the uselessness these past months. For hair: the Not Your Mother's Dry Shampoo (good thing because I hate to think your mom sucks ass) and the Ulta brand Smooth and Protect shampoo/conditioner. I've tried multiple brands of dry shampoo. I love Batiste but the smell can be cloying so I wanted to see if I could find something just as good. Nooooope. NYM's dry shampoo was completely useless, unless I sprayed on half a can which mostly went straight to my lungs. The Ulta shampoo and conditioner did nothing to smooth or protect my hair. It dried it out even more and if I were transformed into a muppet, I'd be the frizz monster who lives with the dust bunnies and spare change under your couch.

The makeup that seriously disappointed me was the Catrice liquid eyeliner and Colour Pop's ultra matte liquid lipstick. I wanted to try the Catrice brand because Keerstin on YouTube (ItsKeerstin) talked about it a lot. Before Ulta brought it into their stores/on-line, you could only get in Europe. So I was excited to try a few things once they got stateside. This eyeliner was terrible. It took forever to dry and even if I DIDN'T open my eyes, or move or breathe in any way, it still smudged. Which is interesting because when I tried to take it off, it was near impossible! What the fuck, Catrice?

The ColourPop matte liquid lipsticks make me mad. I love the brand (I have several lippie stix, blushes, and highlighters that I love) so when these mattes came out, I was super excited. Now I just want to punch someone. The colors are nice but the formula is so drying as to be painful. They set within seconds so don't fuck up. And if it looks patchy, too fucking bad because if you put on a second layer, it clumps together or just wipes off the original application. Then when you WANT to take them off, you basically need a jackhammer and some napalm. They. Are. Awful. I want to apologize to my friend, MontiLee, for giving her the pink color I ordered (it didn't look right on me but I thought she might enjoy it). I'm so so so sorry.

 

And finally, the MEHs.

I think most of my Meh's work well for other people but just not for me. Which is why they are just okay.

Three primers I tried: Benefit's Porefessional; Smashbox Photo Finish; and Catrice Prime & Fine. I'm pretty sure the Porefessional and Prime & Fine broke me out (gods dammit, Catrice!). The Smashbox is a silicone primer and with my oily skin, it doesn't work. It also balls up when I put the Almay CC over it so...no.

The Maybelline Lash sensational mascara (in the pink tube) was just so wet and gloppy. Most people say to just give it time to dry out a bit, but mine never got there. I'll work with shadows and maybe blushes but not mascara. That's one thing that needs to work as is straight out of the tube.

I also got a body wash from Bath & Body Works in a Honey Lavender scent. It's a good shower gel but the scent leaves a lot to be desired. I don't get much lavender from it and the honey smells weird. I've only got a little bit left so once that's done I'm getting back to my Jasmine Vanilla!!

That's it for this edition. Hopefully I'll get back to monthly reviews on this stuff! But let's not count on that just yet. Busy season at the hubby's store is in full swing and I help out when he needs me. I may not be back until November...

September 2015 Ipsy Bag Review

Okay. Finally getting to my September Ipsy bag review. For those of you who may not know, Ipsy is a monthly beauty subscription service that sends you samples (and full size from time to time) for $10 a month. Check them out for yourself at www.ipsy.com

I think I feel a cold coming on so I'd better get all my reviews in over the next couple of days or it'll be ANOTHER few weeks before I return! As always, these are my honest opinions.

Looking at the card, it seems the theme is Face Fashion (could have something Fall related on the back but honestly, I don't give a fuck). I didn't take any sneak peaks this month so I had no idea what was coming, not even the bag which I think it nice this time around. At first glance it looks pretty sweet, right? That's MOSTLY true. Let's get into it.

Trust Fund Nail Polish: never heard of this brand but from first look, and a quick swatchy-swatch on my pinkie nail, it's really pretty. It's a nice medium periwinkle color with a bit more purple to it. It does take 2 coats to get complete coverage but I like it! I believe it's full sized, too. It's called Elegantly Wasted (awesome) and goes for $15!  http://trustfundbeauty.com/collections/all-polish

Not Radio Soap Liquid Freud Lotion: Nice little sample size of this lotion but the smell is rather odd. The coconut comes off immediately but then it turns into this weird amalgamation of mango and vanilla and strangeness. It feels nice on the skin, though. Full size (12.6 ounces) goes for $18 and this is just over 1 ounce so count it as $1?        http://notsoapradio.com/Liquid-Freud-HandBody-Lotion_p_91.html

City Color Mascara Be Bold Mascara: I have some HD loose powder from City Color and I love it. So I'm excited to try this mascara. Lord knows I have a handful of unopened ones so it'll be a minute before I get to this. I think it's full sized, too, so it runs around $6.  http://citycolorcosmetics.com/eyes/mascara/be-bold-mascara/#.VgGAa99VhBd

 

NYX Eyeshadow Trio: I think this was specifically made for the Ipsy bag because I can't find the color combo anywhere. And there's no color name, just IPSYNYX01. So there you go. As you can see from the first pic, the shadows are not very pigmented. They're also a bit chalky. However, you can build up the color a bit if you want to work with them. They might pop better if you use them wet or over a bright base (like NYX jumbo pencil in Milk). I must say, though, the color stayed on for a long long time. They didn't melt together after a few hours (I'm looking at you, Too Faced) which seriously impressed me. For $6, it's not so bad.

 

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JCat Beatuy #MOTD Slide On Eyeliner in Bronze: I've used JCat products before and they can be hit or miss. Though this pencil says the color is Bronze, it's more of a dark brown with a copper shift. It actually paired nicely with the NYX eye shadow above. It is waterproof so heaven help you getting it off. Which means it does have a lot of staying power, even in the waterline! I have very oily lids and my eyes water a bit so anything that goes on the tightline or waterline is GONE within 30 minutes. There was actually product still on both after wearing it for a good 6 hours. That is impressive. It's got the same staying power (for me) as Urban Decay's 24/7 liners. And for $4 (compared to UD's $20) this is a steal.  http://jcatbeauty.com/eyes-2/motd-slide-on-pencil-for-eyes

That's it for September. This month was all right. Rather average compared to all that I've received so far. But for an approximate value of $32, I'm not mad at it.

August Morgue Drawer Part II - Hair and Makeup

All righty. Ready for Part 2 of my Morgue Drawer reviews? Hold on to your panties because it’s hair and makeup time! 

First up: Hair

DevaCurl Shampoo and Conditioner: This came in a three pack with styling gel but I’m still trying that out. Step 1 is No-Poo Zero Lather hair cleanser and Step 2 is Hydrate Ultra Creamy conditioner. Meh. The no-poo cleanser smelled like poo (so I’m dubious of the name) but the conditioner smelled nice. Those alone didn’t define my curls - I think it was the styling gel. Looks like 3 ounces is $9 for each so I’ll skip it. http://www.devacurl.com/

Hask Argan Oil from Morocco Repairing Shampoo and Conditioner: I got sample packets of these on two separate occasions and loved them both times. Not really sure if they repaired anything but they smell so yummy. Like fresh oranges! $6 for 12 ounces? Yes, please! http://haskbeauty.com/brand/argan

Giovanni 2 Chic Blackberry and Coconut Oil Hair Serum: This was another sample from Ulta and though I don’t get any blackberry from it, it smells like heaven, if heaven was filled with sweet coconuts. The oil really helps smooth the frizziness in my hair but be careful. If you use too much (for me that’s more than the size of an aspirin) your hair will look greasy. I’ve already purchased the full size (2.75 ounces for $8). http://giovannicosmetics.com/index.asp

Marc Anthony Oil of Morocco Hair Spray: LOVE this stuff. It’s lightweight but feels like it gives me enough control over my hair style (you know, what little styling I actually do with my mop). Smells fantastic. Already repurchased the travel size and the regular 8.8 ounce can ($9 at Ulta, sometimes $7 at Walgreens). You can’t buy it at their site but there’s a store locator option. http://www.marcanthony.com/buy.php

 

Next up: MAKE UP!!

Aveeno Ultra-Calming Makeup Wipes: Meh. They smell very nice but I don’t feel they removed my makeup all that well. Which doesn’t make me ultra-calm either. You can get them for about $7 at retailers all over but only if you want to.  http://www.aveeno.com/

It’s Skin Mangowhite Lip/Eye Makeup Remover Wipes: I loved these. They smell really nice and the cloths are super soft. They did a really good job of removing makeup, too. I got these in a 3B box so you’ll have to get them on-line at a Korean market or Ebay. I’ve seen prices between $5-$10.  http://www.yesstyle.com/en/its-skin-mangowhite-lip-eye-makeup-remover-tissue-15sheets/info.html/pid.1038944148

Vivito Dressin Solution Lip/Eye Makeup Remover: Not too happy with this one. It’s an oil based mixture that you need to shake before applying. The oil doesn’t bother me because those removers never pull at the skin around my eyes and hydrate while cleaning. But the bottle leaked when it arrived (in a Meme box) and it didn’t do that great of a job. Smelled nice though. Had a hard time finding their site for info. Don’t trust my conversion method but I think this goes for about $13 USD.  http://www.vivito.co.kr/shop/goods/goods_view.php?goodsno=30&category=003001

Benefit Porefessional Face Primer: I’ve only ever received teeny samples of this that are only good for one time use (and I got the samples twice and I STILL don’t know if it's any good). It seems like a formula that would work well for me and it didn’t break me out the two times I’ve used it. But I can’t really get a reading on its performance. And at $31 for .75 ounces I may never know. Since it’s not necessary to use a lot of product at once, I know many people buy the travel size for $10 (which I think you can only get at places like Ulta or Sephora - not at the Benefit store) and it lasts forever. So I might give that a shot someday. https://www.benefitcosmetics.com/

Physicians Formula Sexy Booster VaVaVoom Volumizing Mascara: I normally like most of PF mascaras. The ‘Organic’ line is not drying or harsh on my lashes, which are getting older and drier and a little more sparse. Great substitute for the discontinued Cover Girl Natureluxe mascara Though the packaging on this is gorgeous, the formula left a lot to be desired and the product dried up in just a few weeks. Lame. https://www.physiciansformula.com/en-us/default.html

Maybelline Master Precise Liquid Liner: Maybelline has been pissing me off lately. A lot of their products have been complete failures for me. Though I like the felt tip precision of this liner, it smudged and faded easily (damn my oily eyelids) and the pen dried up way too fast. Won’t be wasting $8 on this again.  http://www.maybelline.com/

 

There you have it. All the crap I went through over the past few months. Hope the mini reviews help some of you out. If not, well at least it’s not rattling around in my brain anymore. I’ll be back in a few months for another morgue drawer cleaning.

August Morgue Drawer Part 1 - Skin Care and Body

As I like to watch a lot of YouTube, pretty much every beauty gal (or guy) has what is called an “empties” video. Basically it’s a list and quick review of products they have used up during the month. One girl I watched called her container of empties her ‘cemetery’ and I love the idea. Since I don’t want to steal that, I’m calling my shoebox full of crap my ‘Morgue Drawer’.

I also don’t go through shit all that fast so I will probably only do these every few months. And because of that, I’ll have a ton of shit to go through at once. So for my first attempt, I’ll break up the reviews/lists into two posts: Skin Care and Body; Hair and MakeUp.

Sound good? Well, even if it doesn’t I’m doing it any way.

The largest portion of crap belongs in Skin Care. I buy most of this myself but a lot of it does come in free sample form from Ulta or Sephora. Great way to try stuff without committing, especially if it sucks ass or costs more than a great pair of heels. I’ve taken conglomerate pictures of the products because several contribute to one aspect (wrinkle treatments, hydrating, etc.) and I also don’t want to post dozens of pictures of tiny tubes or foil packets that’ll eat up all my damn memory.

First up for skin care: Face Lotions and Wash

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H20+ Hydrating Treatment: Neither heard of nor tried this brand before. Nice little sample size so I got to use it for a while. It was all right. Smelled nice but I didn’t notice any great hydration going on. And all their stuff is pretty dang expensive so noooope. http://www.h2oplus.com/home.do

Derma e Night Creme: I love this stuff! It smells great and it was awesome in the winter. It can be pricey but not so bad that I’d never buy it again. The only reason I haven’t repurchased it yet is because I was a fucktard and bought a new night cream (based on how well a sample worked) that doesn’t really do jack shit in full size form. But I will buy it again. Oh, yes. I will.  http://dermae.com/?gclid=CM6K6a_3vccCFQ4paQodCt0M9w

Neutrogena Oil Free Moisturizer (SPF 15): I’ve been using this for years. It’s a nice lightweight lotion for the summer and I can double up in the winter, if I don’t have another thicker lotion to use. And since it has SPF, I don’t have to worry about whether or not my makeup has any. Score! http://www.neutrogena.com/home.do

First Aid Beauty Face Cleanser: I bought a sample pack of this from Ulta because I’d heard a lot of good things about it. It’s one of those fragrance free, no harsh chemicals or colors, nice for sensitive skin products. And I have to say I really enjoyed using it. I don’t remember getting a lot (if any) break outs during its trial. A 2 ounce tube is $10, though, so it’s a little pricey.  http://www.firstaidbeauty.com/categories/shop-by-product/cleansers-exfoliators-and-masks/facecleanser.html

 

Next up: Face Treatments (like anti-wrinkle or vitamins)

Strivectin-AR (Advanced Retinol) Night Treatment: I don’t subscribe to the idea that these ‘anti-wrinkle treatments’ do anything but smell nice or pump some extra moisture into your epidermis. But I’m pretty dang sure this shit did help with the small wrinkles around my eyes and some of the teeny stuff all over my face. So you can imagine how disappointing it was to discover that a 1.7 ounce tube is $100+. I mean, what the fuck? Are they high? Even if I could afford to spend that every month on wrinkle treatment ALONE, why in the name of all that is sacred would I do it? That’s like 10 Pop Vinyls I could add to my collection - and they won’t get used up! Fucking crazy people. http://www.strivectin.com/

Lancome Visionnaire Advanced Skin Corrector: It looks like that cardboard fold out would contain a large foil packet, right? Wrong. I MAYBE got 2 nights use out of this so I have no fucking idea if it does anything worthwhile. 2.5 ounces is $58 (and the smaller the size you buy, the more expensive it is. Huh?)  http://www.lancome-usa.com/

Garnier Ultra-Lift Miracle Sleeping Cream: These was even less in this foil packet than in the Lancome. So yeah, have no idea if it works. And I think it’s one of those products that you have to use for a few weeks before you can tell so thanks for nothing. I have a coupon, though. Maybe I’ll lose a few IQ points this month and pay $15 instead of $17 for a full 1.7 ounce size. http://www.garnierusa.com/

Urban Decay Vitamin-Infused Complexion Spray: I think this is supposed to be like a face primer and toner in one but with vitamins. I don’t know if it did anything but it smells nice. The pump sprayer decided it didn’t want to work without leaking all over me about halfway through this sample. And for $33 for the full size (4 ounces) I don’t think I’m going to give it another chance. http://www.urbandecay.com/

 

Next: Face Masks

Bio Republic Sheet Masks: I got these in my June Ipsy bag. The Green Tea Detox was ok. I don’t feel like it deed any toxes but it felt nice. The Aloe Rescue was good and my skin did feel nice afterwards. But the Cucumber Breeze was the best. Most sheet masks that claim ‘soothing’ or ‘pore minimizing/anti wrinkle’ seem to work very well. And this was no exception. Plus is smelled awesome. They are $5 each, which is a bit steep for a sheet mask, but I might splurge every now and again.  http://www.biorepublic.com/

Real Chemistry Luminous 3-Minute Peel: This was a sample of the first peel mask I’ve ever tried. IT WAS AWESOME. My skin had never felt so smooth before! It smelled like a spa so not perfumy (is that a word? it is now) or like artificial fruit. That said, however, a 1.7 ounce full size can cost between $40-$50 (depending on where you buy it). Um, no thanks. http://www.myrealchemistry.com/

Montagne Jeunesse Mud/Peel Masks: I’ve only ever seen these at Ulta and they’re just $2 a package (and I can get 2-3 uses from each) so I bought a handful to give them a try. The Mud Pac (anti stress) was meh and smelled like menthol. Passion Peel Off (deep cleanse, purify, protect) was okay. Smelled great though. Manuka Honey Peel Off (natural cleanser) was also okay. Smelled like straight up honey so if you don’t like that, don’t get this. But the Black Seaweed Peel Off (ultra deep cleaning) was awesome. The smell is a little odd but the product itself made my skin feel fantastic. I’ve already repurchased. They’re also cruelty free! http://www.my7thheaven.com/

 

And now for the body stuff (bow-chicka-BOW-WOW):

Secret Clear Gel Antiperspirant/Deodorant: Except for a few times where I got bored, I’ve always used Secret. Pretty basic stuff here but I like the clear gel formula. I think over time it can build up white crap on your clothes but overall, it does a good job for me. I like different scents and they all seem to work equally well.  http://secret.com/en-us

Skinfood Aloe Soothing Body Wash: I got this in the June 3B box. Though it seems to be a good travel size, I used it all up rather quickly. It also had little bits in it - like maybe they wanted to make it an exfoliant, too, but only had about 10 little beads to throw in. Weird. It smells great, though! I didn’t see it on their main site so you might have to buy it through Amazon or a Korean on-line market.  http://www.theskinfoodus.com/

Bath & Body Works Jasmine Vanilla Body Wash: HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL THIS STUFF SMELLS AMAZING. I pray to all the gods that ever existed this stuff is not limited edition. I need moar!!! If you can believe it, I got this 10 ounce bottle FOR FREE from B&BW when I bought some candles earlier this year. Nice! And for $13, it’s a great buy because it lasted for months.  http://www.bathandbodyworks.com/home/index.jsp

 

That's it for Part One. I'll probably type up the second list now but just have it auto publish in a few days. Why am I explaining that to you? Do I feel like you need to brace yourselves or something? Well, the categories ARE hair and makeup so yeah, it'll be awe inspiring I'm sure.