WHATS OLD IS NEW AGAIN (and sometimes again) (and maybe again)
I’m actually getting into an almost ‘real’ convention schedule again, so the next few weekends will be busy with pre-con prep and post-con exhaustion. These review posts won’t be as regular as I’d like, but I’ll do my best!
I’ve been itching to do this compare/contrast for a while, but the OG wasn’t available to stream anywhere. And, honestly, I didn’t want to buy it because it’s not a favorite. But I finally found it and now, here we are. Let’s take a look at 1960’s 13 Ghosts and 2001 Thirt13en Ghosts!
SPOILERS: As per usual, I will be spoiling plot points and story reveals. It’s not my fault if you haven’t gotten around to watching movies that are 20 and 60 years old.
Original Film: Thirteen Ghosts (1960)
Directed by William Castle (he of gimmick filled movies, this being no exception), 13 Ghosts is about an absent minded, penniless professor, Cyrus Zorba, and his family. After collectors come and taken away all their furniture and belongings, Cyrus gets a telegram from a lawyer named Ben Rush. He needs to speak with Cyrus immediately.
Turns out Cyrus’ uncle, Dr. Zorba, has recently died and left his estate to Cyrus. Apparently, Cyrus thought the man died a long time ago, but Ben tells him Dr. Zorba only wanted people to think he was dead. By doing so, he could conduct his crazy experiments in peace. Experiments that involved travelling the world and collecting ghosts. So not only does Cyrus inherit a fancy mansion, he and his family get the ghosts that come with it.
Of course, they laugh it off. How could that be true? Ben is not amused, and in fact tries to talk them out of taking possession of the home. But as Cyrus, his wife, Hilda, and children, Buck and Madea (wait…seriously?), have no where to live, they move in. Along with the house, and ghosts, Dr. Zorba left Cyrus a pair of weird glasses, though he didn’t leave a note explaining what the hell they’re for.
When they move into the house, they meet the housekeeper, Elaine (played by Margaret Hamilton – yep, the Wicked Witch of the West. Believe me, that comes back later.). She would like to remain on the job until she can find something else. She is a bit off-putting, but the Zorbas have no problem with her remaining in the house.
As they settle in that first night, Buck (oh, he’s so incorrigible) finds a Ouija board to play with. What could go wrong? As the answer to that scares the crap scared out of them, and Ben continues to bemoan the awful house and whole situation of the Dr. being found shredded to death, everyone just shrugs off the floating planchette and turns in for the night.
Once everyone goes to bed, the ghosts start acting up. Cyrus hears some strange noises and goes to investigate. He stumbles onto Dr. Zorba’s hidden laboratory! Using those strange glasses, Cyrus is able to see all the ghosts that are, in fact, stuck in the house. At one point, a giant spinning wheel of fire attacks him and Cyrus is actually hurt. Cyrus grabs a book, written in Latin, and skedaddles the fuck out of that damned lab. He speaks to his boss the next day, showing him the book and asking for help in translation. At first, the boss thinks this Dr. Zorba guy is a kook. But after cross-referencing some articles at the University that speak of a Dr. Zorba and his ability to capture ghosts, he’s not so sure.
The book describes the eleven ghosts Dr. Zorba captured, plus the twelfth ghost – which is the doctor himself! He states he will stay in the house in order to get revenge for what was done to him (WHAT WAS IT???). Before they can read more, Hilda calls for Cyrus to come home ASAP.
When he arrives, a few of the ghosts are wreaking havoc in the kitchen. Buck explains everything, that Emilio is the ghost of a chef who murdered his wife and her lover, sister-in-law, and mother-in-law. He’s all very non-plussed about the whole situation. Turns out, the housekeeper told him about all the ghosts and now Cyrus needs to know more.
Though Dr. Zorba left her out of his plans right before he died, Elaine used to help him with his experiments. When he was alive, he could control the ghosts. But now that he’s dead, they’re getting all cantankerous and aggressive. She also explains that the doctor converted most of his assets to cash and withdrew all the money from the bank. He hid it somewhere in the house but she doesn’t know where.
That night, after Madea is attacked by one of the spirits (or so we assume…), Cyrus says they need to leave. Ben thinks that’s a great idea. You don’t need to search for the hidden fortune – it probably doesn’t exist anyway. Yeah, get out. The sooner the better. Like, now.
Hmmm…not suspicious at all there, Ben.
But before they leave, Cyrus’ boss translates more from that Latin book, finding a clue to where the Doc probably hid his money. If only they could find the medium that Dr. Zorba worked with when he was alive, they could ask her to contact the doctor’s spirit. Well, holy shit. Wouldn’t you know the housekeeper, Elaine, was just that medium!
They ask for her help and if they find the money, they’ll move out in the morning.
Well, things get pretty scary as they contact Dr. Zorba. He warns them that someone is going to die tonight, completing the thirteen-ghost collection. And, if you can believe it, Ben tries to MURDER BUCK, the 10-year-old boy who’s keeps falling for the lawyer’s lies about finding the money for the family. Dr. Zorba pops up just in the nick of time, allowing Buck to escape and forcing Ben into the boy’s place, where he is crushed to death and becomes the 13th ghost.
The final scene shows us the family counting out a pile of cash, while Buck talks to Elaine about the spirits. They’re gone but they’ll be back. Buck hopes real soon before he skips off screen, probably wishing to see more people murdered (weird fucking kid) and the special ghost-seeing glasses explode. Elaine picks up a broom, breaks the 4th wall, and moves away. As the front door to the house slowly closes on its own, all the ghosts pop up in the foyer one at a time, including Ben, then the words, “House for Sale”, magically appear over the door.
Uh…okay.
This movie has a much more fun, silly, tongue-in-cheek attitude than I remembered. I mean, there are parts that are rather somber and disturbing, but over all its more lighthearted than the usual horror fare.
The character development was better than I thought. None of the main characters felt superfluous or unnecessary. The twists of Ben being a bad guy and Elaine being a medium would surprise most first-time viewers. Ben is helpful, courteous, and courting Madea throughout the film, though as we discover, it was probably just to give him an excuse to keep coming to the house to find the hidden treasure. Also his attempted murder of a child…I’d forgotten about that. That was some dark shit against the backdrop of breezy humor.
The effects…well, remember this is 1960 and technology was not what it is today. However, as this was a William Castle film, the movie was filmed in “Illusion-O” and the viewer needed special glasses to see the ghosts. They looked like 3-D glasses but, unlike those, the viewer could look through one color filter with both eyes. The red intensified the appearance of the ghosts, while the blue made them appear more faded. And from what I read, the DVD release of the movie included a pair of these glasses.
Yeah, I might have to go buy it now.
However, I think the artistic renderings of the ghosts in the opening credits were scarier than those in the film itself. Which isn’t that surprising, actually. And some of those ghost sequences went on FAAAAR too long. Buck sees the lion tamer and lion in the basement, and watches them move back and forth for at least five minutes. The movie is only an hour and a half, but with some of these f/x scenes, it dragged the story down and just padded the run time.
The acting is mediocre, and I wish they explained why Buck was so fucking fascinated by death. He really wanted to see someone murdered in real life, and says that out loud several times. For such a precocious kid, it really seemed to set the stage for Buck to become a serial killer later on. Someone should have made THAT sequel.
In general, it’s a typical Castle B-horror movie that’s enjoyable, with some genuine scares, creep-factor, and wholesome dad-joke style humor.
And now on to the 2001 remake, Thir13en Ghosts.
If you’re not into the more humor-laden or silly horror films of the earlier decades, then honey, hold on to your tits because this does a 180 from the OG film.
Some of the story elements are similar, like the special glasses needed to see the spirits, and Cyrus’ name, and…uh, that’s about it. Let me break it down a bit more.
The opening scene shows us Cyrus Kriticos as he, his employed psychic, Dennis, and gaggle of security guys (I guess) hunt down the violent and terrifying ghost of a serial murderer. While a do-gooder, Kalina, and her friend, Damon, protest with empty threats, the behemoth spirit makes an appearance and murders nearly everyone present, including Cyrus and Damon.
THEN we get the opening credits. What a great way to start a film, people.
Arthur Kriticos, his wife, Jean, and their two kids, Kathy and Bobby, live a happy, wonderful life. That is until a fire devastates their home, kills Jean, and forces the rest of the family to struggle daily with financial woes. One day, a lawyer contacts Arthur and arrives at his apartment with a digital recording from Arthur’s uncle, Cyrus.
Unfortunately for Cyrus, he’s dead now. But that’s good news for Arthur and the fam. As Cyrus’ sole heir, Arthur inherits everything. Cyrus led a life in search of knowledge and, um, stuff. So the unique house and all the treasures inside belong to Arthur now. He’ll never have to worry about money again.
They meet the lawyer at the house the following evening, greeted by Dennis disguised as a power company employee who says he needs to check the breakers. Everyone heads inside, after Arthur uses the most ornate key I’ve ever seen, to open the door. When he does that, some kind of machine kicks on in the basement.
Hmmm…what’s that all about?
While Arthur and the lawyer discuss specifics, Kathy, Bobby, and housekeeper, Maggie, explore the home. Dennis heads downstairs, looking for the money that Cyrus owed him. There he finds the entire basement filled with containment cubes – large, glass containers, scribbled over with Latin texts. After suffering a seizure (which is what happens when Dennis gets a psychic impression), he pulls out a pair of the special glasses used to see the spirits. Every cube in the basement contains a ghost.
Okay, screw the money. Dennis needs to warn Arthur and his family. The lawyer tries to discredit the whole story, and Dennis’ behavior, but he knows the truth about what Cyrus was up to. But as the machine in the basement winds up, the house walls shift, blocking the exit, and making the house more confusing to navigate.
It’s also releasing all the violent angry spirits from their confinements.
Luckily for the family, Kalina shows up during one of the shifting moments. She came to free all the trapped souls in the house, and turns out, save their lives. She and Dennis don’t get along too well, as you may imagine, but it’s a good thing she shows up as she explains what the hell is going on.
Yeah, its an exposition dump, but it’s so very interesting to me.
The house is actually a machine that Cyrus built. By powering it with the energies of specific ghosts, it will open the Oculus Infernum, the all-seeing Eye of Hell. If knowledge is power, then the man who controls the eye is the most powerful of all. Eleven of the trapped ghosts have been released, and the house needs twelve.
But Dennis remembers that Damon said something about Cyrus needing a 13th ghost, which he’d never be able to procure. According to Kalina, it’s actually a failsafe. It stops the machine from becoming completely functional. The 13th ghost has to be a living sacrifice, someone willing to give up their own life to save another. And because Arthur’s dead wife is one of the spirits trapped (sweet Jeebus, can you imagine?), and his kids have disappeared and are assumed in great danger, he needs to become that 13th ghost to save them.
Determined to save his family, Arthur heads out into the house with Dennis, taking one of the glass walls covered in Latin containment spells, to search for the kids. Maggie and Kalina go to find the ‘engine’ of the machine and prep C4 bombs just in case Arthur fails.
Except Kalina isn’t trying to stop shit. She’s actually in love and league with Cyrus, who faked his own death to lure Arthur and his family. After getting Kalina to put the kids in genuine danger, Cyrus tricks her into a trap where she is killed.
Ah, l’amour.
After all the ghosts have been summoned, and the kids put right in the middle, Arthur notes Cyrus standing off to the side watching it all. Well, that doesn’t make much sense unless…Arthur figures it all out, confronting Cyrus and getting his ass handed to him. Fortunately, Maggie has a trick up her sleeve. Though Kalina knocked her out, she didn’t kill her. So Maggie starts pulling levers, turns off the summoning spells, and jacks up the machine into self-destruct mode. Free from their capture, the twelve ghosts turn on Cyrus and kill him before traipsing off into the afterlife.
Arthur and his children survive, Jean comes to say one last goodbye (thankfully not in her hospital gown and burned flesh), and Maggie takes her ass back to NY and away from all these crazy white people.
FIN
A lot of people blast this movie with hate. And I guess I can understand. A little. I, personally, find this remake to be one of the few that is BETTER than the original.
One of the reasons I can make that statement is the acting. With actors like F. Murray Abraham, Tony Shalhoub, Matthew Lillard, and Embeth Davidtz, it’s not like you’re going in expecting Amateur Hour during open mic night at the local choke and puke. F. Murray’s Cyrus is played with over-the-top gusto, which works for a megalomaniac; Tony’s Arthur reflects a man who’s been beaten down by circumstances beyond his control; Matthew plays a wonderfully greedy coward in Dennis, but also gives him depth as he tries to navigate the new world of ‘good guy’; and Kalina, that poor naïve love-sick woman whose rose-colored glasses obscure the man Cyrus really is, and the criminal she’s become for him. There’s much more emotional attachment to the characters in this film than the original and I’m not ashamed to say I cried several times throughout the movie.
Another reason is the dark, bloody, violent nature of the visuals and the story itself. It takes the bright mood of the original and throws it in the dungeon, pees on its head, then locks it up for all eternity. Granted, the remake tries its hand at some humor, though most of it doesn’t hit its marks. Dennis’ jokes are probably the best, and Maggie has a good zinger about crazy white people, but otherwise, the humor falls flat.
The ghosts in this version are terrifying. Gone are the cheesy Castle gimmicks. These ghosts represent harsh realities, gruesome deaths, and violence beyond comprehension. There are times we get sneak peeks of them, even when the characters in the film can’t see them. Even after their introductions, we don’t always get long, solid looks at them. I think that makes them a bit scarier, more intriguing than if they ran around in full view all the time. The editing helped a lot with that, though I know some reviewers were mad about it, or thought it too distracting.
Whatever, Roger Ebert…
I think the story is more fully developed, and it probably helped that the writer of the original film was the writer on the remake. Giving the characters more depth, a believable motivation for the ghost collecting, containment and summoning spells, even the book that contains the information of the ghosts themselves, the Black Zodiac, created such a richer world for us to get lost in.
The visuals were gorgeous. Dark and bloody, but spectacular. The same production company produced the House on Haunted Hill remake so that would explain why I thought they had the same look and feel. Higher on the gore factor, hyper violent but without unnecessary animal deaths (let’s be honest – no animal deaths are ever necessary). I also loved that the house shone with bright gold or sparkling elements, but the basement was filled with shadows, rusty electronics, and blood.
The only things I didn’t enjoy were the more obvious CGI effects. Kalina’s death, the machine itself, Kathy’s sudden wounds as The Jackyl attacks her, and the burned-out house at the end look pretty crappy. The spells in the glass are cool, and Cyrus’ death as he’s torn apart looks pretty convincing. But the majority of the kills and blood effects were practical, which I appreciate. The lawyer’s death is one of the more unique kills I’ve ever seen in a film.
This film gets more shit than it really should. Is it a perfect film? No, and I don’t know many out there. But from character development, story depth, practical f/x, photography, editing, music, general production, and the talent pool available here, it’s a well-made film that offers a lot of disturbing elements, creepiness, emotion, and, in the end, a little bit of hope.
The remake outshines the original in nearly every way. So the winner here has to be the 2001 remake, Thir13en Ghosts.
WINNER: 2001 Remake Thir13en Ghosts!
