WHATS OLD IS NEW AGAIN (and sometimes again) (and maybe again)

The Wicker Man (1973) vs The Wicker Man (2006)

I’ve noticed on a few of my streaming services that there are a lot of original horror movies AND they’re remakes available. Now is the perfect time to get back to my compare and contrast series of the old and new films. Well, new is a relative term, as we will see in this post, that the more recent film is fifteen years old already.

For this review, we’re going to look at The Wicker Man. I hadn’t watched the original in a while, and I never could bring myself to view the remake as I’ve heard SO MANY BAD THINGS. But, like pulling a band aid off a hairy arm, I figured I should just watch the remake and get it over with.

SPOILER WARNING: More than likely, I will spoil the story and surprises throughout both films. To be fair, they’re not new but I understand someone may not have seen either of them yet. So if you don’t want anything ruined, stop reading here, go watch the movies, then come back. Cool? Cool.

Here’s the basic premise, which is mostly identical to both films. A police officer receives a letter from someone at a remote island, called Summerisle, begging for his help in finding a missing child. When he arrives, the people there are stand-offish, a little squirrely, and sketchy af. While searching for the child, the officer uncovers quite a mystery based in ancient pagan rituals and beliefs. And when he finds the answer? It ends VERY BADLY for him.

(Does this sound familiar? Midsommar had the same vibe, right? Yeah, not original. Moving on.)

Now let’s get into the specifics of each film, the first being the 2006 remake starring Nicolas Cage, Ellen Burstyn, Kate Beahan, Frances Conroy, Molly Parker, and Leelee Sobieski. Cage plays Edward Malus, a police officer, who is contacted by his ex-fiancé, Willow Woodward. In her letter, she says her daughter is missing and still somewhere on this small island of Summerisle.

Edward obviously still has some unresolved issues with Willow so heads out right away. He’s actually on leave because he was involved in a traffic accident with a mother and daughter, who were killed, and he’s having nightmares and awful visions of the whole thing. So he’s got the time to spare.

After bribing his way to the island with the pilot who drops off supplies every day, Ed arrives to a cold greeting from some local women. But after heading to the local tavern/inn, he meets up with Willow to find out what’s going on with her daughter, Rowan. As he investigates, he overhears or learns a lot of weird shit that goes on in the community. Eventually, he realizes that this commune is dedicated to the ‘ancient rituals’ particularly for the annual harvest. And they seem to blame Rowan for the bad crop last year.

Hmmm…could that be a reason they want her gone?

And as is always the case with communities like this one (secluded, different, off-grid kinda ways), Edward must meet with their leader, Sister Summerisle, to continue his investigation. Yes, her ancestors found this island, settling here after fleeing persecution in 17th century Europe (first to Salem – whoops) before making their way out west. Here’s where we get the major info dump of the community’s history. They are pagans, they worship and make sacrifices to the goddess for their lives and harvest, and they’re basically a matriarchal society. Men are good enough for breeding, but not much else. GIRL POWER!

Can you guess what this might mean for Edward, who’s done nothing but snoop and bully his way into their lives?

Once Edward realizes they plan to sacrifice Rowan at this year’s harvest festival, he disguises himself in one of the participant’s costume. At just the right moment, he frees Rowan and runs off into the woods. AAAAAAANNNNNDDDDD…..Rowan leads him right back to the gathered women.

And here we get the long exposition of what’s happened throughout the film, just in case you were too fucking stupid to figure it out for yourself. Turns out, they’ve been manipulating him from minute one to become the true sacrifice for this ritual. And when I say minute one, I mean from the moment Willow left the island years ago to begin their relationship in the first place, to the woman and child in the accident, to a fellow female officer that works with him.

Sorry, Ed, but it’s for the greater good. Thanks for coming. Take care now. Bye-bye then.

Okay, analysis time. I was actually surprised that this wasn’t as bad as I’d been led to believe. Don’t get me wrong – there are a lot of problems with this film. But I wasn’t curled up in the fetal position, crying for my mommy, by the time it was over.

The cinematography, music, sound, editing, and the overall production value were top notch. Gorgeous settings, good special effects, atmospheric music to set the mood. Everything worked together to make a seamless film. I also appreciated the nod to the original movie with Edward’s last name: Malus. That’s a species of apple, and in the original film, the major harvest was apples, not honey. There were quite a few nods to the original film but I’ll let you figure those out for yourselves.

Nic Cage was pretty decent. He can become a caricature of himself sometimes, and he bounced a little back and forth over that line through the film. But overall, I enjoyed his performance. I did NOT get the head-in-a-cage-of-bees scene in the copy I watched. Not sure if that’s a director’s cut or extra on the DVD, but it wouldn’t have much sense anyway as Edward is allergic to bees and it would have killed him almost immediately.

He delivered a few jokes in the film that had me burst out with laughter. Even though his acting does get manic – which worked sometimes for a character that’s becoming more desperate as the films goes on - his comedic timing is perfect. And later in the film, when Ed cold-cocks one woman and beats the crap out of another, I was not offended or taken aback. It made sense for his character. I actually wished he took his gun to the first woman, but you know, tomayto-tomahto.

I have to say that while I didn’t feel as bad for Edward when he’s dragged to his death, it’s still unsettling to watch him trapped in the giant Wicker Man, as the flames crawl up toward him and he starts screaming.

As for the other characters, those on the island, no one is likeable. Because they’re so manipulative, constantly use double-speak instead of giving direct answers, and absolute man-haters, I didn’t give a shit about any of them. They weren’t even whimsical or amusing. Just spiteful. The whole idea that Sister Summerisle is the queen bee, and the men are simply drones for the labor needed on the island (and their seed, of course, let’s not forget about the baby making seed) and all the women just cater to her ideals, pissed me off more than I thought it would.

Yes, I understand that women have been suppressed for centuries and this commune was not having any of that. But being the complete opposite doesn’t right the wrongs. Hating men, thinking they’re only good for procreation, only worshipping the female aspect of nature and the gods, praying to have only girl babies, not boys, does not reset the balance. That’s not how any of this works, ladies.

Honestly, that ‘only female’ aspect of the storyline ruined the movie. It’s just as bad, in my opinion, as to when the old witchcraft movies made all witches Satan worshippers. They’ve taken a religion that’s not Christian (in this case, paganism) and manipulated it for their box office numbers or to turn the main narrative on its head. Also, it’s trendy to put women in positions of power that have been denied them forever. And it’s ALWAYS a good idea to follow the trends, amirite?

The ending was pretty damned weak, too. Willow and LeeLee’s character, Honey, go to a bar in a major city to find themselves some new men. Honey meets a cop in training. SHOCKED, I TELL YOU. But then this doesn’t fit the story that they need specific sacrifices to ensure a bad harvest doesn’t happen two years in a row. I had the same questions in regards to Edward’s manipulation. Did they anticipate a shitty harvest eventually? Was this just insurance in case things went south with the honeybees? Or are they just a group of self-serving evil bitches, that used their sexual appeal to trick men into their cycle of she-woman man-hater crazy?

While the film looked great, and the acting was good, the overall story and female centric snobbery just turned me off. It’s a one and done experience, and I’m glad it’s over.

Now, on to the 1973 original.

The premise is identical, with just a few exceptions:

1.    The cop, Sergeant Howie, received a letter about a missing girl but doesn’t know who originally sent it.

2.    The townspeople are actually dressed in clothing of the current decade; the remake had them wear more period clothing, like the late 1800s or early 1900s. The original had a more unsettled feel with the contrast between modern clothing and ancient religious practices.

3.    Yes, the apple harvest is a big motivator for their actions, but it takes place after the fertility festival so naturally, there is a ton of fertility symbolism through the film. That goes hand in hand with all the nudity and sexually explicit song lyrics.

4.    Speaking of songs, this movie is damned near a musical as people break out into song all throughout the film.

5.    The whole belief system of the island is truer to paganism (except for the human sacrifice), where gods AND goddesses are important to life, rituals, and beliefs. This makes sense as there was a surge in paganism in the 60s and 70s.

It had been a while since I’d watched the original Wicker Man so I had nearly forgotten about ALL THE DAMNED SONGS. However, they fit the pagan themes of the story, even if I feel there were just too many of them. They did make me tune out for those few minutes each time someone started singing (except for Willow’s song and dance number…if you’ve seen the film, you know what I’m talking about *rowr*).

Fertility plays a huge part during the calendar period of the movie. The cop shows up right before the May Day celebration, which explains why there are so many nekkid people running around, open sensuality and sex, symbols of rabbits everywhere, and everyone being all randy. Sergeant Howie, however, is a devout Christian and certainly doesn’t approve of sex before marriage. So you can imagine why being stuck on this island with a bunch of pagans right before the major fertility sabbat could be unsettling for him.

You still get the feeling that everyone on the island is keeping a big secret, and therefore, being less than helpful in the sergeant’s inquiries. But everyone still has a twinkle in their eye – like they’re all in on a big joke, and just fucking with Howie, enjoying his frustration and prudish ideals. They don’t exude the sense of hatred and disgust that the remake gives us. They are all open about being pagans and what they believe, despite (or perhaps because of) the sergeant’s stout Christian faith.

The acting is stellar, of course. With stars like Christopher Lee, Ingrid Pitt, Britt Ekland, Diane Cilento, and Edward Woodward as Sgt. Howie, it’s hard to make a crap film. Lee as Lord Summerisle, while commanding in his role, is also lighthearted and quick to joke. Ingrid, Britt, and Diane play a perfect trio of sensual women that practically drag Howie around by his nose in order to mislead him – and even tempt him, albeit briefly.

Now, while the inhabitants of Summerisle in the original movie are much more likeable, that doesn’t make them any less terrifying. In fact, when the shit hits the fan, they are downright horrifying. During their May Day celebration, they incorporate a sword circle that intermittently pulls the swords together. If anyone’s head is in the circle at that particular time – CHOP! Each member of the community has to do that, though, so even the pagans aren’t safe from a possible gruesome death. And Howie is in disguise at this point, so he’s got a 50/50 chance of biting it before he can save Rowan. It’s a great tension builder.

When we finally get to the climactic scene, there are two specific instances that gave me goosebumps. First, as Howie is dragged to the giant Wicker Man for sacrifice, he’s begging and pleading to his God for help. Then as the flames slowly consume his prison, he prays and vows not to waver in his faith. The whole sequence is quite moving.

The second happens when from inside his confinement, Howie’s trying to reason with the community. But they have all joined hands and are swaying back and forth, singing joyously and smiling. It finally dawns on the sergeant that he’s doomed to die, burned in sacrifice to the pagan gods. I think that was when my heart truly broke for Howie and I realized that the hero doesn’t always win in the end. The viewer is truly worn out by being the voyeur to Howie’s emotional and spiritual roller coaster ride, and his death leaves us in a saddened stupor.

At least, that’s how I felt when it was all over.

Even though I don’t feel the remake is as awful as denounced, and I disliked the copious amounts of singing in the OG, the 1973 Wicker Man is by far the superior film. Its characters offer us more depth, more joy, a lot of sexy fun…you know, before the horrific murder. The story is engaging, the settings both beautiful and unforgiving, the acting is top notch, and as a whole package it still holds up nearly 50 years later. I don’t think I can ever say the same for the remake.

WINNER: 1973’s The Wicker Man