The Monkey Is In.

So be prepared. Bring a banana.

I'm a writer of horror and dark fiction. I've been doing this since 1999 and believe me when I say, it's cheaper than therapy and safer for the world at large.

Universal Yums February 2017 Review

For those who may not know, Universal Yums is a monthly subscription service. For $13 (or $25) you get a box full of candy and snacks from a different country. Check them out here: UY.

I pay for this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones.

This month's box comes from ITALY! Here's some trivia for you (answer at the end of the post):

When McDonald's first opened in Italy in 1986, what did some Italians do in protest? A.Give away free spaghetti outside the restaurant to remind patrons of Italy's culinary heritage; B.Buy Big Macs just to dramatically throw them away in front of TV cameras; C.Sneakily fill ketchup dispensers with marinara sauce; D.Form a human blockade so that no would-be patrons could enter.

Amica Lemon Chips: Sounds weird but these were delicious! A little like vinegar chips but not that tangy/sour. Just a hint of lemon and salt. Perfect with a sandwich.

Laurieri Orange Froletti Cookies: These were all right. Tasted like average shortbread cookies with a hint of orange.

Cabrioni Wafers alla Nocciola: Hazelnut chocolate is very popular in Italy and these wafer cookies were filled with it. So good but not super sugary and sweet. Pretty perfect, actually.

Cantuccini (Biscotti): I love biscotti and these teeny little cookie were...okay. I know how biscotti are made and how hard they are but even these tasted kind of stale. Coffee helped a little.

Gran Art Rosemary Stuzzichina Toscana: Basically baked rosemary crackers. I'm not a fan of rosemary but these were NOT overpowering at all. Very mild but still tasty.

Monardo Gianduiotto Chocolates: MOTHER OF GOD THIS IS THE BEST CHOCOLATE I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE. Fuck Belgium and Switzerland. They've got NOTHING on these. Smooth rich chocolate with a hint of hazelnut. The only way you know these are authentic is because of the gold wrapper. GO GET YOU SOME IF YOU CAN.

Anise Candy: Nice little hard candies with a smooth anise flavor. I'm not an anise fan so I was worried. They were great, though. Also aid in digestion, apparently.

Monardo Chocolate Pralines: We got the hazelnut and cereal (puffed rice) and milk and cereal flavors. Smooth and creamy - great flavor. Very sweet!

Awesome food in this month's box. The clue for next month makes us think it'll be someplace in the Middle East but can't be sure yet.

TRIVIA ANSWER: A. A group of Italians cooked spaghetti to a perfect al dente then served it to would-be patrons. Many Romans were outraged by the restaurant in 1986, calling it a 'degradation of Rome' and 'Americanization' of Italian cuisine. For this reason, Starbucks hasn't opened a single shop in Italy yet, though plans are in place to launch their first store in Milan this year. (Yeah, good luck with that, Starsucks)