Morgue Drawer May 2016

And again with keeping on time, though I guess technically I should have posted this a few days ago. But I was at Motor City Comic Con with my writing group so GET OFF MY BACK!

Anyway...let's get to it, shall we?

(Side note: I'm unsure about the cruelty free status of most of the Korean brands. If I know for sure, I'll mention it. Eventually I'll get to the point where I'll just mark CF or NCF but let's ease into that later.)

BECAUSE I'M ALL ABOUT THAT FACE, 'BOUT THAT FACE...

Neutrogena Oil-Free Moisture face lotion: I've used this stuff for years. Nice and lightweight, can put on two layers to get some extra moisturizing, and it's got SPF 15. Unfortunately, Neutrogena is NOT cruelty free so I've got to find an alternative.

Promise Organic Argan Creme face lotion: Speaking of alternatives, this would be a great one. Moisturizes very well without that greasy shiny look/feel that the Neutrogena one can give. And it smells like fresh oranges. This brand IS cruelty free but it doesn't have SPF. I like my face lotion to have sunscreen because I don't always wear makeup so I can't rely on that for sun protection.

Etude House Wonder Pore toner: Not sure this did anything. It didn't over dry my skin or make it break out but did it do anything else? *shrug*

Dr. Brandt PoreDermabrasion: Absolutely TERRIBLE stuff. The scrub was way too harsh and it actually caused two HUGE break outs on my chin. I'm also pretty sure this brand is NOT cruelty free so Dr. Brandt can just go fuck off.

Too Cool For School Egg Mellow Cream: I have a few more sample packs to use up so I'll get a better idea how this works. Initial trial worked well. Nice, thick cream that's very moisturizing. I'm excited to try the rest.

Sephora Lingzhi eye mask: Not really sure if this anti-aged or smoothed anything but my skin felt nice afterwards. Unfortunately, Sephora is not cruelty free so I won't be purchasing anything else from their line. (Note: when I went to find the link, this particular eye mask was no longer available - shocked, I tell you.)

3W Clinic Royal Jelly mask: Super saturated mask. My skin felt great after using it but the cut outs (for eyes, nose, etc.) do not fit my face well at all. It's kind of annoying. I don't want the essence...DEAR GODS IT'S ON MY EYEBALL!!

Botanic Farm Rice mask: This was an awesome cotton mask. Very saturated and the material was super soft. The cut outs fit so much better on my face than the 3W. Really enjoyed this one. (Note: as of the time I'm typing this, the only place I can find that sells this is Meme Box and they're currently sold out.)

GEE YOUR HAIR SMELLS LIKE YOU WERE BORN WITH IT

Hask Thickening Conditioner: Very nice. Smells softly of mint, not overpowering or sweet. Don't think it thickened my hair, though. Waiting to finish the shampoo and move on to another Hask product. This brand is cruelty free.

L'Oreal Total Repair 5 Conditioner: It's okay. I used it when I was coloring my hair and it was all frizzy and dry. Meh. L'Oreal is not cruelty free.

Batiste Dry Shampoo: The Fresh scent is better than the others I've tried but it can still be a little overpowering. There's a lot of mixed info out there about this brand, though their parent company tests on animals. As there are a ton of CF alternatives I haven't tried yet, I'll probably work through my current can and move on to something else afterwards.

Smashbox Full Exposure mascara: I really liked this mascara for volume. It was also really great to layer with other mascaras that didn't thicken lashes very well. Smashbox is not CF, though, so I'll never buy this brand (this was a sample I got in Ipsy, I think).

Maybelline Define-A-Lash mascara: Really great at separating lashes and defining them (go figure). But you could never build it up - it just got clumpy, even if layered with another mascara. Maybelline is not CF.

Covergirl Clump Crusher mascara: This was a fantastic mascara. Great at separating lashes and giving a bit of length and volume. Never clumped up even with multiple layers. Covergirl is not CF.

SMOOTH AS AN ANDROID'S BOTTOM

Nivea In-Shower lotion: Awesome, awesome stuff. Smells nice and the softness lasted on my skin all day. Unfortunately, Nivea is not CF.

Nivea Kiss of...lip balms: These have been some of my favorite balms. I didn't like the cherry or SPF one but these two are phenomenal. Makes me so sad that Nivea isn't CF. 

Marlowe body lotion: This is an okay moisturizer but the scent is heavy on the herbal side which I didn't care for. This brand is cruelty free, though!

Revo lip balm: It was all right. I've had a few others and this one probably had the best scent/flavor. But it's really waxy and doesn't last long on the lips. Because this is a Walgreens brand, it's not CF.

DIRTY AND HAIRY IS NO WAY TO GO THROUGH LIFE

Bath and Body Works foaming hand soap: Most of their scents are spot on for me. Rainkissed Leaves was clean and fresh, not too heavy; Coastal Water Lily was too strong (but lilies can be very heady); the Kitchen Lemon is the best. Unfortunately, BBW sells their products in China so even though they are CF here in the US, they are basically supporting animal testing elsewhere. Honestly, though, if I can't find another soap/candle/body wash brand that works for me, I will probably continue to purchase these few things from them.

Sally Hansen spray on hair remover: This stuff has an overpowering smell, as do most depilatories. But I like the convenience of a spray on. It works pretty well on thick coarse hair (read: bikini line) but I still need to use a wash cloth to help remove the foam/hair (even though you're supposed to be able to just rinse it off). Sally Hansen isn't cruelty free.

Okay. That covers the last couple of months. Tune in around mid-July for the next installment!

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs (March 2016 Edition)

Yes! I'm still on schedule! Enjoy it while it lasts, people.

PDs (Panty Droppers)

Nivea Men Post Shave Balm - I know what you're saying. Uh, Peggy, that's a MEN'S product. Yes, yes it is. But apparently one of the beauty mavens on YouTube used this in place of her moisturizer (because she was at her boyfriend's place and didn't have any) and noticed how great it was as a primer. And damn if she wasn't right! Its main ingredient is glycerin which is what helps makeup last longer on your face. It feels so nice on the skin and it smells like boy. It is a strong smell so it's not for everyone. But I love it. Comes in a sensitive formula, too.

ELF Makeup Mist & Set - I've been using this makeup setting spray for years. I think this might be my fifth bottle (it lasts a long time, btw). No major scent that I can tell and it helps my makeup last so much longer than without it. And it's like $3! I linked their site but you can get this brand at Meijer and Target and possibly Walgreens or Walmart.

L'Oreal Infallible Pro-Matte Foundation - I'm not a huge foundation gal. I have a few but I usually reach for a BB or CC cream first. But I got this on a whim and tried it a few times. Damn if this stuff doesn't make my skin look awesome. I thought it would look too dry, as it's matte, but it really doesn't. And it stays on the skin for HOURS! As in, all day. Good stuff.

Kat Von D Tattoo Liquid Eyeliner - Several people had recommended this product so eventually I caved and spent the $20 to get one. Um...worth every penny. I got the Mad Max Brown color and it's gorgeous. It dries down and doesn't fucking move all day. After about 8 hours, the wing I'd made did start to break down but I have watery eyes so I think that contributed to it. Otherwise, this liner is TITS!

MEHs

Maybelline Dream Velvet Foundation (left swatch) - I admit. YouTube reviews made me want this. And while the color is a decent match for me (nice pink undertone) and the foundation feels nice, it looks awful. I've tried blending this with brushes and sponges and both ways look dry and cakey on me. It looks nice on a lot of people. Just not me.

Milani Eyebrow Gel (middle swatch) - I love Milani products so when they came out with an eyebrow gel, I needed to get it. The color is awesome. It's a nice cool toned brown. And the brush is small (not as small as L'Oreal brow plumper but not as big as NYX's brow gel) so it's easy to work with. The trouble is I can't get any fucking product on the damn brush! No matter how many times I dip that into the tube, barely anything comes out. I had to dip it 3 times to get that swatch above. And, once it dries, it flakes. A lot. *is sad* Maybe if I had more brow hairs to hold onto the product it would be better. I think it is one of those fiber gels. Oh well. They have other stuff I can try next!

Colourpop Highlighter  (right swatch) - Now, I love a lot of CP stuff. I do want to do a one-brand review soon. But every now and again, something just hits me wrong. When I first got this, I thought it was a beautiful soft gold/champagne highlight with a little shimmer. And while the product itself is wonderful and the color is gorgeous, it's mostly glitter. I've tried it for weeks and on days when my skin was drier or softer or really hydrated. It still looks the same. I don't mind some glitter now and again but I just couldn't get down with this, no matter how much I wanted to. I linked their whole highlighter page because they have others that are awesome.

GFYs (Go Fuck Yourselves)

CVS Eye Makeup Remover - I've used this stuff a lot but someone somewhere along the food chain of CVS product development totally fucked this up. The "NEW" label obviously means "Useless and Burny" because that's what this is. You can see how much I used of the contents before screaming my rage from my rooftop.

Acure Day Cream - Maybe I should have put this in the MEH category but any skin care product that breaks me out deserves to be shoved down the garbage disposal. Loved the smell. Hated the product.

Too Faced Shadow Insurance - Um, for a brand that's so fucking pricey, I expected more. I don't mean quantity as this is a sample. But I mean in quality. The eye shadows I've used aren't that great and this primer follows suit. It doesn't work that well and after a month or so started separating (as in when I squeezed the tube, nasty oily liquid splooged out). What the hell, TF? 

Rimmel Stay Glossy - I know it looks pink in the tube but it's basically colorless. If I wanted colorless gloss, that's what I'd buy. Also the shimmers have separated from the gloss (2nd pic - that dark pink band is where I swiped the applicator in the bottle). If I have to mix my gloss every time...fuck you, Rimmel. (can't find the color I have - SHOCKING - so I linked another one)

Wet & Wild Megalast Liquid Lip Color - Not sure if W&W was trying to be like the bazillion other liquid lipsticks out there but I think they missed. While the color on these are gorgeous, there's so much glitter in them that they feel gritty. Like 40 grade sandpaper. Yeah, that's exactly what I want to put on my mouth. Jerks.

Swisspers Cotton Swabs - Yep. I'm still of the school of thinking that anything less than the Q-Tip brand is not worth a bucket of spit. And when you can get 300 Swisspers for $1, don't put that shit anywhere near your body. Use it for arts and crafts or something. Not your face or your ears, okay? I don't even have the package anymore because I threw them all into my crafting bag.

All righty. That covers the last two months. Come back and see me in May when I will praise, shrug off, or set a flame the next list of products.

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs

With the new year, I'm hoping to get on a more regimented schedule with this column. It seems like I post these anywhere from every month and a half to every three. That's a little too random. So I think I might try to do this every two months which should give me enough time to find stuff that I love or want to set on fire.

So here we go with the first 2016 list! (I'm trying to use a professional styled camera for these pics now and I think it's obvious I need to practice. I still don't know what all the buttons do or how to change the settings so excuse the crappy focus on these until I can get my shit together)

Panty Droppers (PDs)

Revlon Ultra HD Matte Cream Lip Color: These just came out a month or so ago in the ever reaching trend of liquid to matte lipsticks. And while the few I've tried have just completely SUCKED ASS, I love this one. Probably because it doesn't full dry down to a complete matte. It stays a bit creamy on the lips and will transfer - to your coffee cup, donut, the delivery man - so keep that in mind. You can blot with a tissue and that will make it look more matte. But if you're like me and can't stand the Saraha Desert on your mouth, you'll love these. The colors are gorgeous, the formula feels like a whipped gel, and I actually like the fruity smell. They run anywhere from $7-$9, depending on where you go. Got my at Walgreens. The colors I have (from bottom to top): Seduction, Devotion, Addiction. 

Chips Ahoy Chocolate Chip Cookies with Oreo Cream Filling: You read that right. Imagine a soft baked Chips Ahoy cookie. Now picture a thin layer of Oreo filling right in the middle. Can you see it? It's glorious, isn't it? I know it sounds like it would be too sweet. Don't get me wrong - it is very sweet. But in no way is it overpowering or gag inducing. It's a beautiful tasty creation.

YSL Touche Elcat Concealer/Brightener: I got 3 little samples on a promotional card from a Sephora order, I think. The first two were for fair skin and the third for a medium complexion. Obviously the third was too dark but the first two were gorgeous. No. 1 (bottom right of swatches) has a nice peach tone to it so it covers dark circles well. No. 2 (middle right) worked great as a non-shimmery highlighter and concealer. Unfortunately this stuff is $42 a pop so I don't think I'll be purchasing some any time soon.

Colourpop Gel Liner: Colourpop is mostly a huge hit for me, with just a few misses (I'll do a Colourpop centric review in a bit). And their gel liners just came out a little while ago so I thought I'd give them a shot. Awesome stuff! I tried it the first time without priming or powdering my lids. And that shit lasted a good 8-10 hours before it started to fade. That's fucking crazy! Especially with my super oily lids. It does dry pretty quick so it's difficult to go back and fix any mistakes. But it's totally worth $6! The color is called Workout.

MEHs

Dermalogica Multivitamin Power Serum: I can only give this a meh rating because it totally broke me out. Though it smelled really nice and it felt very silky going on the skin, it's just not worth it if it gives me pizza face. Oh well. I'm sure I'll get over it and its $66 price tag soon enough...okay, I'm over it.

Kiss of Cherry lip balm (Nivea): I love the Kiss of Moisture balms from Nivea but like the one with SPF, the Cherry one dries my lips like a mo-fo. I don't know if the staining color that's the culprit or what but I couldn't even finish the tube. It smells fantastic and feels great at first so it could just be my sensitive ass (that's where it goes, right?). You can find this for $2-$3.

Almay Get Up and Grow Mascara: I can't remember if I put this stuff in another list but if I did and gave it any higher rating than MEH, I was an idiot. It does give fantastic volume and my lashes felt soft, never crunchy. But it ended up smudging on both my upper and lower lids. Booooo. It retails for around $7-$9.

GFYs (Go Fuck Yourselves)

Carol's Daughter Monoi Hairspray: I don't know who the fuck Carol or her daughter are but their hairspray is crap. The smell is gag inducing so I can't even use enough of it to get an idea of its usefulness. The can it came in leaks a bit, too. Ugh. And it costs $22? NOT.

Pur-lisse Eye Serum: I believe I just talked about this in my Ipsy bag review. This crap is awful. It burns my skin. It's not like the tissues of the under eye are already sensitive or anything. Ass hats. $65 price tag? What a fucking joke.

(I guess I hated the last three items on this list so much that I threw them away already)

City Color Be Bold Mascara: I've gotten this brand a few times in Ipsy and most of it is good. But this stuff sucks. It's gloppy, smudgy, clumpy, and all around awful. It doesn't do much for either volume or length. I'd expect a little better for $6.

Garnier Shine Control Cleansing Gel (charcoal): I think I got this after I realized I didn't want to buy the Olay scrubby wash anymore. This stuff smells so bad and it totally broke me out. This runs around $8.

Derma e Anti Wrinkle Glycolic Scrub: I was so sad about this one. I have a couple other Derma e products that are wonderful. But this smelled so strongly like old fashioned Ivory soap and it was very rough on the skin. And I'm such a delicate fucking flower, apparently, that it broke me out, too.

That's it for now, kiddies. I'll (hopefully) be back in two months with some more fun!

Walmart Beauty Box Fall 2015

For those who may not know, Walmart has a beauty subscription service four times a year (that's once a quarter for those of you playing at home). It's only $5 per box and you get so much stuff. Mostly sample sized, one to two full sized goodies, and a bunch of coupons. Check them out to get your own. https://beautybox.walmart.com/

Look at all this stuff! I've already tried a few of the products. The Dove deodorant is actually really nice. It's not an invisible solid or anything but it's so soft and works pretty well. So it's good to know I have a back up in case Secret goes out of business or it's unavailable for any reason at the store. That little bottle with the green juice is ACT mouth rinse. I like this brand a lot and this is the kind without alcohol so I can use it without burning off the surface skin cells of my mouth. I also tried the Crest Professional Polish 3D white 2-step sample. First, it's not enough to really get an idea if your teeth are any whiter (I got 2 uses out of it). Second, that's just too much work for a product that tastes terrible and burns a little bit.

I have not tried the Curel lotion, John Frieda hair conditioning treatment, or the Nivea lotion. The razor is a full sized product. I got laser hair removal a few years back but I do get a handful of stray hairs that grow unencumbered. I still need to shave from time to time so this was a cool product. But can we take a moment to appreciate the Roc Retinol serum? That shit will cost you $16 at Walmart and upward of $20+ at other drug stores. So DAYUM!

There are a bunch of coupons as well so this box, like all the others I've received, is worth every penny of $5!