PDs, MEHs, and GFYs December 2020

Well, here we are folks. Almost to the end of the shit show we’ve come to know as the year 2020. I anticipate over spillage into 2021, but I’m hopeful it will only taint the first few months with its grubby little paws.

In the meantime, let’s go through a handful of stuff I really enjoyed, or not, or really had luke-warm feelings toward. I’m thinking of changing the GFY to FO: FUCK OFF. Little shorter, little sweeter…well, maybe not sweeter.

Also, I’m sure that all but one product mentioned here is from a company that’s cruely free! (I don’t know about the toothpaste, Think Your Teeth).

PANTY DROPPERS

Tarte Lights, Camera, Lashes Mascara: One of my favorite mascaras. It’s expensive so I wait until it goes on sale to purchase. It seemed I either bought an older tube or I had this sitting in my stash a little too long. Felt kinda dry and clumpy this time around and didn’t last very long. It’s usually not like that.

Tarte Busy Gal Brows (Medium Cool Brown): I love colored brow gels since my eyebrow hairs are very fine and few. If I don’t want to draw them in, I use a gel like this. I really liked the color, even though the hold isn’t great. But the teeny tiny brush is the best part. This is way to expensive to justify buying (unless it goes on mega sale - which I think it did and I have a backup). I kept the brush and am trying it with another brow gel that’s a little too thick. Hoping the smaller brush will help apply it better.

Essence Precise Eyeliner Brush: I love this fucking brush! And it’s $3 (used to be slightly cheaper, if I remember correctly but it’s worth it). I use this for gel eye liners or when I need more precise application for cosplay makeup.

Milani Retouch & Erase Light-Lifting Concealer (Light): This is pretty much the only concealer that looks good on me. Not drying, not heavy, blends out well. It works best if I’ve put a facial oil under my eyes, let it sit for about 10 seconds, then blend the concealer on top before setting with powder. I’ve since discovered Milani has one lighter shade (Fair) which is good because Light is way too yellow. Sometimes you can get it from Ulta, but I had to get mine directly from the Milani website.

NYX Cosmic Metals Lip Cream (Electro Magnetic and Celestial Star): I loved these lip creams. Gorgeous jewel tones, shiny and sparkly but didn’t feel gritty on the lips. Unfortunately, these just got too old and now are a little dry and streaky. (They have fewer colors available at Ulta, and the NYX site is out of stock on some so I’m wondering if this product is slowing being phased out)

MEH's

Sky Organics Rosewater Facial Mist: At first I really enjoyed this, but the longer I used it, the heavier the scent became. To the point where it’s just unbearable now and it stinks up the entire room. Otherwise, it’s a decent face mist. I got mine at CVS but I bet you can get them all over.

Think Your Teeth Toothpaste (BTS Collab): I think I got this in a Daebak box. The toothpaste itself seems fine, but the flavor is off-putting. Lavender, I think. I’d be interested in trying their sensitive formula, though.

Milani Trifecta Mascara: Doesn’t really do much, definitely not three things. Looks more just like a soft, natural mascara. It’s on sale at their site…shocking.

LA Girl Oomph’d Mascara: See above.

AOA Studio Buttercream Gel Liners (Blueberry and Pistacio): This is the Shop Miss A house brand, I believe (pretty much EVERYTHING on Shop Miss A is around $1 - no joke, and there’s some good stuff on there). Loved the colors on these (rich blue and green) but the little pots are completely dried out. Like we’re talking little round bricks and they’re not that old. Granted, they were super cheap, so I’m not that mad about it.

Colourpop Pretty Fresh Creamy Concealer (Light 33C): The color is great but the product itself looks very dry on me (so much for that hyaluronic acid part, eh?). EDITOR’S ASIDE: if you go to the CP website now, they just launched a Hello Kitty collab and your computer cursor TURNS INTO A SNOWFLAKE!!!!

Colourpop Creme Gel Liner (Puppy): I love this color so much. I went through a phase of only wearing this with a matching matte shadow in the crease of my eyelid. But the pencil dried out way too fast, and is completely unusable now.

ELF Flat Brush: For an inexpensive brush, this lasted longer than I thought it would. It was nice for spreading out concealer or inner corner highlight on the eyes. But the little bristles pushed down into the ferrule and I can’t use it anymore. But I’ll probably get another one, since they’re pretty cheap. I think this was the concealer brush, but mine doesn’t have a name on it, where the packing now does include that (better late than never).

GO FUCK YOURSELVES

Fourth Ray Beauty Mellow Milk Mist: As you can see, it took me nearly the entire bottle of using this stuff to figure out it was what made my skin take a nose dive into the shitter. Broke me out something horrible! Which is sad because it gives a nice glow to the skin. GAH!

NYX Gel Liner/Smudger (White): So fucking dry, so fucking difficult to work with, so fucking NOT pigmented, and so fucking dry within a short amount of time. TRASH!

Notoriously Morbid Eye Base (Dreams Fade): Anyone following me on IG knows I’ve been loving on NM so hard. But this eye base is terrible. It doesn’t help shadows last longer, nor does it help with intensifying pigment, AND it ends up making all eye shadows crease like crazy on me. FUCK! (not available on their site, so it may have been a Halloween Advent Calendar exclusive)

Milani Stay Put Waterproof Eyeliner (Linked On Black): This product is the reason I refuse to wear waterproof makeup any more. It’s nearly impossible to remove this stuff (which might be a pro for some people) and irritated my eyes. The actual liner also dried out and separated from the wooden pencil around it. WHAT THE HELL?

Catrice Long Lasting Lip Pencil (And The Cherry On The Top): Spoiler Alert - it’s not. And it’s not for sale anywhere that I can find. WEAK!

BONUS ITEM - The Year 2020: No explanation needed, amirite?

Okay, well that wraps up my loves, likes, and hates for 2020. Here’s to hoping 2021 doesn’t suck as much giant donkey dick!

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs April 2020

I’m considering changing the name of these posts. The title is just a little long and not all that snappy, you dig? Something more like Yay or Nay, maybe Dead or Alive? I don’t know. I’m gonna ponder it for a while. Maybe by the next post, I’ll have my shit together. In the meantime…

For those of you who are new here, this is basically my likes and dislikes of products I’ve used over the past 3 months. Some are things I’ve fallen in love with and can’t sing their praises enough; others are products that make me want to burn this whole damn world down. Let’s take a look!

PDs (Panty Droppers)

Colourpop Super Shock Shadow in Cuddle Buddy: I love me some CP super shocks. The only bad thing is that many of them dry out loooong before you can use them up. Case in point here. I loved the shade - a shiny, cool-toned pink that was a perfect color for me to put all over my eyelid and call it a day. But it’s crumbly and hard to work with now. Would definitely get it again, except they don’t sell this shade anymore. Dammit.

Tarte Clay Pot Waterproof Liner in Prom Queen: Absolutely loved this shade. I have nothing like it in my stash. It’s a mid-tone cool purple, and shows up surprisingly well over a lot of eye shadow shades. But, like CP, it started to dry out and is difficult to use now. They don’t sell this shade anymore, but they have three colors still available and on sale for $10! That’s cheap for Tarte.

NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil in Milk: This is my go-to base to put on my eye lids anytime I want an eye shadow to really stand out or to help with the pigmentation (I’ve tried other pencils and even white gel eyeliner, but they don’t work as well as this). Some shadows look rather sheer on their own, but put them over a white or black base and voila! Perfection achieved. This pencil is sooper old, though, and is unusable. And really gross. I already got a new one!

MEHs (Mehs)

ELF Eye Shadow Primer in Sheer: Though it says the color is ‘sheer’, there is some pigmentation here. It does cover discoloration, veins, etc., a little bit. I, personally, don’t like any color (like the Milani primer) but this is fine. However, its staying power is rather lacking. It holds eye shadows for just a few hours at most. I have really oily eye lids so maybe that has something to do with it. For the price ($3) it’s not horrible. It was actually the first eye primer I ever used, when I’d learned there was such a thing, but it was only $1 then!

TheYEON Jeju Canola Honey Clean Balm: One of those cleansing balms from Korea. Works great at removing makeup; smells nice. But I’ve developed a reaction to cleansing balms when I use them on my eyes (or if it gets in my eyes while using it on the rest of my face). They get all red, itchy, and crusty the morning after I use the balm. So I just can’t bring myself to finish this tub.

Pacifica Liquid Cover Full Coverage Lasting Concealer in 20NF: Don’t let that name fool you. It is NOT full coverage by any means (which is fine since I don’t like full coverage). But I bought it because it did claim it wasn’t drying and felt lightweight. It does feel light. So much so that it doesn’t cover anything. Well, maybe it adds a little coverage to the purple under my eyes, and was okay as a spot concealer. But it mostly it just blends away, leaving the skin looking kinda dry. It might work better for people with oilier skin or don’t have as many years on them as I do.

GFYs (Go Fuck Yourselves)

Colourpop Glitterally Obsessed Body Glitter in Wish Me Luck: What is the fucking purpose of this stuff? You use it once and that’s it. Even with a sealed container, this shit is completely useless after one application. And surprise, it’s not available on the site anymore. Just pressed glitters and glitter gels, which you have to dig to find because they’re not on any pop up menus. Figures.

Burt’s Bees Overnight Intensive Lip Treatment: If by treatment you mean it completely dries out the lips so you put on more balm, which dries out your lips MORE, so you put on MORE balm, which dries out the lips even MORE….do you see where I’m going with this?

Essence The Eyebrow Pen in Dark Brown: I’m practically crying over here as I type this. This is the 2nd pen I bought, just in case the first one was a dud (it happens in every makeup brand). NOOOOOOOPE. This pen was even worse than the last one. At least I got one eyebrow done with the last pen. I didn’t even get that with this one. Semi-permanent color, my ASS, Essence. FUCK YOU.

Real Techniques Eye Miracle and Finish Miracle Remedy Sponges: What the fucking fuck is the point of these? They don’t absorb water; they’re hard as rocks; they don’t blend out makeup. WHY DO THESE EVEN EXIST?? Gods dammit, RT. What the hell are you doing over there? Laughing all the way to the bank, I presume.

Okay. That’s it for this quarter. Hope everyone is being smart, staying safe and healthy, and hanging on to their sanity in any way they can. Until next time!

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs 2019 Year End

I’ve had my empties and other products sitting in my office, waiting on me to get my shit together and start reviewing, for over a week! Gah, I hate year end madness and my general laziness…

Anyway, let’s get into the final PDs, MEHs, and GFYs for the year 2019.

PDs (Panty Droppers)

Colourpop Super Shock Cheek in Rain: This lasted FOREVER - I tried to pan it, but just couldn’t get there. It did finally start to dry out, so I have to get rid of it. But the color is soft and gorgeous, and it doesn’t look like my John was keeping his pimp hand strong when I get out of line. They don’t have the purple color anymore (cries softly) but they have a lot of gorgeous shades.

Milani Eye Shadow Primer: This is the best shadow primer for me. I’ve tried a bunch of others, but nothing compares to this (cue Sinead O’Connor). I didn’t quite finish it up because it takes such a small amount to work, but it was getting dry and not working as well. I have since repurchased.

Merchant of Galifry Lip Balm in Cassian scent: Got this from Etsy and it was a great lip balm. Again, I didn’t finish it up in time before the texture started to change and the smell went a little off. The store doesn’t make lip balms anymore, unfortunately.

Joah Truly Yours Liquid Foundation in Ivory: This is a BEAUTIFUL foundation. Light to medium coverage, looks so nice on the skin. Doesn’t look like a mask, very natural, even gives a bit of a glow/dewy look. But the color changed - it’s way too dark now - even though I haven’t even had it a year. So if you get this, be sure to use it up quickly. They did come out with a couple lighter colors, so now I have Porcelain. Fingers crossed it doesn’t darken!

Lunatick Cosmetic Labs Supernatural Eye Shadow Palette: I found this at a horror convention back in 2016, I think. I’ve already posted about their lipstick in Lacrimosa that was one of my favorites. This is a gorgeous palette, colors are pigmented, and perform well. But they are super soft and one broke on me - so don’t travel with them! But now that it’s been 3 years, the texture has changed a bit and they don’t perform well, which happens to us all when we get old, amirite?

MEHs (just what it says)

Ulta Brow Tint in Medium: I used to love this brow gel, but I think they changed the formula or I got an off container. The gel is very gloppy and hard to work with. The color is awesome and the hold was great. I don’t have a lot of brow hairs, though what I’ve got appreciated this. But now I can’t seem to use it anymore. *le sigh*

Essence Make Me Brow in Browny Brow: See above. But it’s $3. If you have thicker brows than I do (which is EVERYONE), this could work just fine.

Covergirl Exhibitionist Mascara: Now that CG is cruelty free (HOORAY!) I thought I’d try this mascara that everyone and their Aunt Flo has their panties in a twist over. It’s…really nothing special. It gives a soft natural look, darkens the lashes nicely, and I love the brush. But do I need to shout from the mountaintops that it changed my life? Uh…no.

Colourpop Super Shock Shadow in Baby Talk: I got this thinking it was going to be a rich red color but it’s a pink/magenta. It’s gorgeous, but not what I expected (if I had read the color description, I wouldn’t have been surprised - DOH). Also, it’s already dried up, and I never even got to his pan on it. Gah.

Revolution (formerly Makeup Revolution) Fast Base Concealer in C4: It’s a decent concealer, helped a bit with the purple under my eyes, and I liked that it matched my skin tone perfectly. But it does end up looking a little dry after a while. I also think the color darkened a bit (like the Joah foundation did). Not terrible, but not my favorite.

GFYs (Go Fuck Yourselves)



Essence Eyebrow Pen in Dark Brown: THIS IS SOME SERIOUS BULLSHIT. This is one of those brow markers that has the jagged tip, to make drawing several hair shapes at once easier. And when I tried it on my right brow, it was brilliant! I couldn’t believe it! So I went to draw on the left eyebrow….and the pen was dried out. NOT FUCKING KIDDING. I practically had to scratch my skin off to get any color out of it after using it ONE FUCKING TIME. It could be that I got a dud so I did purchase another, but I’m terrified to try it because I’ll only get one use! This is too fucking stressful, Essence. Get your shit together. Just because you’re inexpensive, shouldn’t mean your products end up in the shit pile.

Joah Wand Me Up Concealer in Fair: Completely useless. I’d dab product under my eye, blend it out, and it disappeared. I tried to build it up. Nothing. I don’t get it. Is there invisible ink in it or something? Total waste of money.

ELF Jelly Pop Flush Blush in Berry Pop: At first, I had this under the MEHs, but the more I thought about it, and retested it, this product is terrible. It’s hard to blend, and looks so patchy on the skin. When you slather it on the back of your hand for a swatch, the color is super pretty. But it’s just way too difficult to work with on the face and seriously, there are so many other cream or liquid blushes out there that work so much better. Fuck this noise.

So that wraps it up for this year. I look forward to 2020 and all the goodness, fun, and fiery rage new products will be offering. Hope you all have a wonderful remaining 2019!

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs June 2019

Surprisingly this month, I have fewer duds than goodies. Huh. Not sure I like this turn of events…Anyway, here are some products I’ve really enjoyed, felt indifferent toward, or just plain hated. Hope you like it!

(For those of you who are new here, PD - Panty Droppers; MEH - meh; GFY - Go Fuck Yourself)

PDs

Makeup Geek Gel Liner in Poison: This was the first red gel eyeliner I ever used. I had this thing for YEARS and it wouldn’t dry out! Great color, did not budge, didn’t make my eyes look like I was sick, either. Red and pinks can do that… It did finally dry up, though, so it was too difficult to use. Highly recommend this product! But…it looks like MG doesn’t make gel liners anymore. GAH!

Catrice Prime and Fine Smoothing Primer: I loved this primer. It really smooths out the appearance of my Nebraska-sized pores, and the texture is almost like a mousse. Feels great on the skin, more like a moisturizer.

Colourpop Lip Gloss in Fairy Floss: My absolute favorite nude gloss ever. Unfortunately, after years of faithful service, it now tingles when I put it on. That’s less than optimal, so I gotta toss it. I’ve already ordered a replacement.

MEH

NYX Worth the Hype Mascara: It’s not. It does make the lashes look darker, but more natural and not a lot of volume. I don’t mind that, but this doesn’t do what it says.

Colourpop Brow Boss Gel: I don’t really get this product. It’s white and feels like lotion, which doesn’t really do much for keeping rogue brow hairs in place. But because it’s not tinted, it’s less messy to work with, which is nice.

Bobbi Brown Illuminating Moisture Balm: I love the glow this stuff gives - so pretty. But the smell is horrendous! Very much like chemicals and plastic. UGH.

Katy Perry x Covergirl Katy Kat Lip Gloss in Cobalt Kitty: I originally posted about this a while ago because I thought it was such a fun color. And it is! But it’s streaky and difficult to work with. Very patchy, low pigment, and wearing it over a lip liner or another lip product doesn’t help.

GFY

ELF Velvet Touch Eye Shadow in Island Breeze: I got this little palette free with an order from ELF. And now I know why. They probably can’t get rid of these fast enough. The colors look pretty but they pigment is just not there. You can’t build them up and what goes on the lids does NOT last. The high moisture content is disgusting. The plastic package had smears of something wet on it - I’m hoping just the water or oils from the shadows themselves. They feel mushy and the peach shade was very wet. Blech.

Colourpop Jelly Much Shadow in Hallucinogenius: I really liked this stuff at first. It was squishy, like a jelly, but the color and sparkle were so pretty. But I only used this stuff two or three times, and I made sure the little pot was closed tightly after every use. But this stuff is dry and hard now, and all I get is a little sparkle on my finger. WHAT THE FUCK?

That’s it for this month. See you guys down the road!

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs March 2019

Welcome to the first Likes/Dislikes post of 2019! For anyone new, this is a post where I sing the praises, or bitch like a curmudgeonly old biddy, about products I’ve tried over the past few months. The categories are: Panty Droppers, Mehs, and Go Fuck Yourselves.

PDs

The Potion Cabinet Shower Gel (Witch’s Cold Brew): This is an Etsy story that offers bath products, collectibles, and more. This scent is listed as: a warm cup of espresso, cocoa bean, steamed milk and vanilla chai topped with whipped cream and a touch of rum. Mostly, I only smelled the vanilla and rum, maybe a little bit of the cocoa. IT WAS HEAVENLY. I like the gel itself - leaves my skin soft and the scent doesn’t linger, which I prefer.

Merchant of Gallifry Roll-on Fragrance: Another Etsy store (yes, I’m addicted) but it looks like they don’t make perfumes anymore. There is a bunch of scented stuff, though. Loved this perfume. I believe the notes were mango and rose but I couldn’t necessarily pick out either. They melded together wonderfully for a very unique scent.

Milani Retouch and Erase Light-Lifting Concealer: I haven’t used this up, but it’s really old, and I think it’s starting to turn. It’s a fantastic concealer for me. My under eyes are much dryer now than when I was younger, and this is one of the only concealers that doesn’t look like total shit on me. Will be repurchasing.

Carol’s Daughter Frappe Body Lotion (Almond Cookie): I’ve used Carol’s Daughter’s hair products before (which SUCK ASS) so I almost didn’t get this. I needed a body lotion that worked better than what I already had (see the MEHs section below) and the scent on this is fantastic! Smells like straight up, fresh baked almond cookies. And the lotion is nice and thick, but absorbs quickly and lasts a long time. Highly recommend!!

MEHs

PUR Fully Charged Magnetic Mascara: This does give good volume, but no length, so my lashes look stubby. It’s a great layering mascara, though! Not sure how it’s anti-aging…what the fuck? Who believes that kind of shit?

Flower Beauty Light Illusion Full Coverage Concealer: While this is a good shade (it’s just about the same color as my skin so it blends in well) and it’s lightweight, it’s definitely not full coverage. It’s also not crease-proof, looks SUPER dry under my eyes and anywhere I use it to cover blemishes or spots.

Everyone Body Lotion (Lavender & Aloe): While the scent on this is really nice (great to use before bedtime,) it doesn’t seem to really moisturize my skin. Absorbs fast - or maybe it just poofs off into the ether - because my skin doesn’t fell any different after using it. It also says you can use it for face, hands, and body. Um…no. No, you can’t. This is NOT good for the face.

GFYs

Colourpop BFF Mascara: Now, anyone who’s been here a while, knows I love Colourpop. I did a whole review on a bunch of products HERE. So when they came out with mascaras, I was pumped. I got a red and black one (so far, I don’t know of any other brand that makes a red mascara.) I can only speak to the red for this review because I tried that and REFUSE TO EVEN LOOK AT THE BLACK. This shit fucked up my eyes for two days. They itched, swelled up (not to the point of impairing my vision, though), and produced excessive amounts of goop. Fucking what the fuck, Colourpop? People were reviewing this like it was the Second Cumming of Christ, and even if it wasn’t for my bad reaction, the mascara itself is pretty lame. Doesn’t volumize or lengthen or ANYTHING. Fucking useless shite.

Joah Eye Scream Volume & Lengthening Mascara: I’ve only tried a couple of products from Joah (lipstick, eyebrow pencil, and this - I think.) It’s a hit and miss brand, but this stuff was HORRIBLE. It’s a fiber mascara that does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for the lashes. However, it DOES get onto your eyeballs and poke the fucking shit out of them. Eye Scream is a pretty accurate description. So…there’s that. Fuck you, Joah.

That’s it for this (what I hope will be) quarterly report of awesome and suckage. See you next time!

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs 2018 Year End

Again…gah. I haven’t done one of these for MONTHS, but I hope to get back into a regular schedule for 2019. For those who are new, instead of doing the generic “Likes and Dislikes” or “Fails and Favorites,” I call my list of crap I liked and hated as “Panty Droppers, Mehs, and Go Fuck Yourselves.”

Enjoy.

PDs

Tarte Rainforest of the Sea Foundation: I don’t usually spend my money on high-end makeup. Tarte is the exception. I prefer light coverage foundations, if I wear them at all, and this is perfection. It lasts all day on me and looks as good at the end of the day, as it did after first application. I had to get a new bottle, though, because my previous one expired before I could use it up. Right now I have Fair-Light Neutral, but I probably could switch to Fair Beige (they came out with a few new shades since I first bought it.)

Stila Huge Extreme Lash Mascara: I got this as a sample in one of my Ulta orders this year. And I didn’t want to like it because Stila is one of those high-end brands. But DAMMIT! This stuff makes my lashes look long, thick (rowr) and gorgeous.

A’Pieu Finger Blusher: This came in a 3B subscription bag (aaaaaages ago.) I can’t believe how long it lasted. The smell just started to go off, so I had to toss it. But if I can find this again, I would repurchase. Perfect cream blush - blends out beautifully, and the peach shade I had was very natural. One of the best blushers I’ve ever used. I don’t think they make it anymore, but YesStyle has a ton of A’Pieu products, so maybe one of the blushes in there will work as well…?

Lunatik Cosmetic Labs Lipstick in Lacrimosa: This has been one of my favorite shades of lipstick in a long time. The description from their website: Lacrimosa is a translucent shade with a pink hue packed with a kaleidoscope of color shifting sparkles. I got it back in 2014, I think, at a convention. Unfortunately, the bullet completely dried up and it’s now impossible to get any pigment out of it. Which makes me incredibly sad. So I guess I’ll have to go get another one!

I forgot to include these babies in the PDs pic above, so they’ll get special treatment. I know a lot of people don’t like the metallic lip look, because it makes the lips appear older/aged. Personally, I don’t care. I love how shiny the Metal Shock is (shade: Mercury,) and the Vibrant Shock (shade: Nightstalker) is just a gorgeous shock of color. Obvi.

The Vibrant Shock seems a teeny streaky at first, but you can definitely work with it to look just fine on the lips. These do dry down, but don’t become transfer proof. They’re just a titch sticky, but not the “sweet baby Jesus it’s gonna be 10 minutes before my lips separate!” kind of sticky.

MEHs

Wet n Wild Tour & Tease Lip Balm: It’s a nice soft wash of color, but sooooo drying. This might be one of those multi-use products (lips and cheeks) and, if so, that explains the dryness. Never has any dual product felt nice on either part of the face. Blech.

The Ordinary Serum Foundation: I love the thin consistency and light coverage; the shade is pretty good, too. But it makes my skin look like a 4000-year old papyrus notebook found in some Egyptian angsty teenager’s sarcophagus. Ugh.

BH Cosmetics Naturally Flawless Foundation: Really good coverage and a nice shade. But, again, makes my skin look super dry, and my pores appear the size of Iowa. Ah….no thanks.

Catrice Glam and Doll False Lashes Waterproof Mascara: I wanted to try the waterproof version of this because the regular version makes my lashes so long, the product transfers all over the damn place. This isn’t quite that good, PLUS it’s nearly impossible to remove. Hence, the reason I rarely wear waterproof makeup.

Essence Lash Princess Sculpted Volume Mascara: I love the original one (pink details) but this was just okay. The real problem is that it’s thick and gloopy, and never really dries out enough to be more controllable. Too bad.

GFYs

Notoriously Morbid Jinxed Jewels Liquid Eyeshadow in Tempting Devils: I got this little guy in the NM Halloween Advent Calendar. This shit is terrible. They say it can be worn on its own, layered, or over an eye shadow. I tried both, and it looked like hammered shit both times. Completely creased and crumbled off my eye after a few hours. I tried it more than once, just in case I layered it too heavily or not enough. Nope. Fucking awful product. (This is not for individual sale on the site.)

Notoriously Morbid Cosmic Gloss in Brooding Vampires: I’m specifically talking about the Brooding Vampires shade, which I also got in the Advent Calendar (I only took the pic of it with the Smoke & Fire shade to compare they came in the same full size container, but sure as FUCK don’t contain the same amount of product. The sticker may say 2 mls, but you can clearly see the base of the twist up tube is much higher on BV than on S&F. I only twisted the BV tube enough to get the product out - I haven’t worn this shade at all.) Brooding Vampires just came out of the tube as slightly tinted gloop. It never mixed with the base oils so I really don’t know what color this is supposed to be. Weak, and a little shifty on the packaging, NM. (For some reason, there are no links to get their Cosmic Gloss on the site - not sure what’s up with that because the Smoke & Fire shade is phenomenal.)

Tarte Aqua Concealer: Imagine my surprise when the concealer, in the same line as the foundation I love, makes my under eyes look dryer than a dust covered shelf in a long abandoned castle from the 18th century. Fuck you, Aqua concealer, you lying bitch.

Colourpop No Filter Concealer: See above, sans the corresponding foundation comment. (Full disclosure: I could have sworn they had regular and matte concealer, but all that’s listed on the site is matte - so that would explain the dryness.)

RK Extend Illusion Mascara: At first, I kind of liked this. But the more I wore it, the more I realized it was a tubing mascara, and those little fuckers shed INTO MY EYE BALLS. Fuck that noise. (I can’t find any place that sells this now so…there you go.)

NYX Matte Lip Cream (Moscow): I normally love these, but this particular color is patchy, hard to work with, and gets crumbly as it dries. Which explains why it’s not even for sale on the NYX website. At least they recognize when something sucks.

NYX Strictly Vinyl Liquid Eye Liners: So disappointed in this. I used the red shade once, and it was pretty cool. A few months later, went to use it again, and it was completely dried out. I bought a new bottle, the brown shade this time, and it was almost all dried up when I used it for the first time. Da fuck, NYX?

Catrice HD Liquid Coverage Precision Concealer: You know what this shit covers? Abso-fucking-lutely NADA. I appreciate the applicator design. I need to put concealer in a small, specific spot under my eyes or it becomes a shit show real fast. However, this all just blended away, but it left enough product behind to make my under eyes look like the Sahara. Fuck off, Catrice, you hit-but-mostly-miss beeyotch.

That’s it for 2018! See you on the other side, Ray.

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs March 2018

Here's my list of products that have been great for me, so-so, and making me cast them into the fiery pits of HELL! That's right. It's the Panty Droppers, MEHs, and Go Fuck Yourselves. Let's get to it!

PDs

Sad to say I've only got 1 panty dropper this time around. But it's pretty fucking good and deserves the spotlight.

BH Cosmetics Zodiac Palette: I've got a few BH products in my stash, some I've decluttered and some I've continued to treasure. This will be staying with me for a long time. The metallic shades are phenomenal. Many times I find other brand's baked shadows like this VERY dry and chalky, hardly pigmented. These are so damn soft and easy to work with. The mattes are the same. Very soft and great color payoff. I'd have to say the only downside is if you're one of those people who NEEDS a transition shade in the crease of your eye, there are VERY limited options here (the light brown of Aquarius and the light pink of Virgo are really your only options) and you'll have to grab another palette or shadow to use. I personally don't care that much so it's not a deal breaker for me. The highlighter in the middle is not the best I've ever used but again, not a big issue. This goes on the website for around $21 but I've seen it as low as $18 (cheaper elsewhere sometimes).

MEHs

LA Girl Pro Conceal (peach): This had meh coverage. It was nice and creamy but it didn't really color correct the purple under my eyes so...what's the point?

Smashbox Photo Finish Lid Primer: Not sure why everyone goes gaga over this. It's pretty sticky but it doesn't do a great job of making my eye shadow last any longer. Milani makes a much better one.

GFYs

Lots of stuff pissed me off this time around...

Ulta Beauty Color Correcting Concealer: This stuff dries down so much darker than it is in the tube, just like paint does, and it doesn't do a thing to color correct (which I'm beginning to think is a sham).

Make Moonlight Primer: This is one of those cool ideas - black in color but a gel texture so it blends out clear - but is terrible in the execution. It balls up under any foundation. And I mean ANY. It's disgusting and useless.

Blaq Mask: It's fun to put on a peeling mask that solid black (I like the Montagne Jeunesse one) but this shit ruined my skin. It was red and irritated as fuck and it broke me out.

Catrice Glam & Doll False Lashes Mascara: I do love the length this mascara gives but because of that, it transfers all over my brow bone. I end up looking like I slept in my makeup. (tip: if you put a coat of mascara over this stuff that DOESN'T tranfer, that helps - but that's too much work).

Spa Life Grapefruit mask: Absolutely USELESS. The mask material is way to thick and stiff (Imma leave that one alone...) so it wouldn't stay on my face. Literally, it kept falling off. The holes for the eyes and mouth were way too small. It smelled like artificial fruit. Just all around bad!

Sand & Skye Purifying Pink Clay mask: I had to wash this shit off about 30 seconds after putting it on. It burned so much and my skin was bright pink/red for a while before it calmed down.

Labotica Liquid Foil mask: Cool color but this shit really bonded to my skin making it extremely difficult to remove. It also irritated my skin AND broke it out. Ugh.

That's it for now. I didn't wait until I collected an entire box of stuff so I think that might actually make it a better read. Until next time, folks!

PD, MEHs, and GFYs November 2017

Oh MAN it's been too long since I've bitched about shit. I'm about to lose my Old Lady card and get kicked out of the Wool Shawl in Summer club. This post, though, should help get my tennis ball footed walker cred back.

For those of you who are new, welcome. This is my version of Favorites and Fails, Winners and Losers, or whatever the crazy kids are calling it on YouTube these days. Enjoy.

PDs (Panty Droppers)

Secret Key Lemon D-Toc Peeling Gel: This was my first exposure to a peeling gel. It's the consistency of aloe gel but smells like lemons. Actually kind of like artificial science lab kind of lemons but I could deal with that. You rub this on cleansed skin and those little balls that end up rolling around? That's all your dead skin clumping together so it can be rinsed away. I know it sounds gross but once you try it, and feel how AMAZINGLY soft your skin is after, you'll never doubt again. This is the old packaging so when shopping, look for the new bottle (in the link). I'm using the brand Skinfood's version now (pineapple, smells much better).

Formula 10.0.6 Picture Perfect Day: My new favorite day cream. Absorbs pretty well (does linger a bit on the skin's surface), no pungent smell, and has SPF 15. I'm almost ready for my 3rd bottle.

Formula 10.0.6 PM Perfector: My new favorite night cream. It's thick but light at the same time. I'm not sure how to describe it. It absorbs faster than the day cream, I think. And my skin feels nice in the morning.

Colourpop Brow Boss Pencil (in Soft Black): As most of you know, I don't have much in the way of eyebrows. But at the same time, when I want to fill them in, I don't like a heavy drawn on look. Powders usually work well for me or colored brow gels. Most pencils are so soft they come off very heavy and greasy looking. This is perfection. It's very thin, waxy (so it's not creamy/greasy), and allows me to draw in more realistic looking brow hair. And it's $5! Come on!

Essence Plump no Clump Mascara: I think this is the dupe of the Cover Girl Clump Crusher mascara, which I've tried and I loved. But once I started going cruelty free, I needed an alternative. This is it. It separates my lashes well, doesn't clump (duh), and doesn't transfer all over the place. UNFORTUNATELY, it's no longer sold at Ulta, the Essence US site doesn't have it, and Amazon is all out. It might be discontinued. FUCK ME.

MEHs (Meh, obviously)

Precious Skin Elixirs Exfoliating Clay: It's one of those dry powders that you mix with just a little water right in your hand and smear all over your face. It was a nice exfoliator but I woke up the next morning the greasiest grease monkey that every greased. UGH.

Soap & Glory Sugar Crush Body Wash: While I love the scent of Sugar Crush, the wash is way too thin so you have to use a lot to get it to cover your entire body (bow chicka BOW WOW). By the time I got to the bottom of the bottle, it was mostly like mixing water with water to wash myself. LAME.

Doucce Maxlash Volumizer Mascara: The mascara did a nice job of thickening my lashes and they looked great. But the next morning, even after taking off my makeup the night before, my eyes were all red and irritated and goopy. Ew.

Tarte Amazonian Clay Gifted Mascara: This stuff was great at first. I even posted on IG about it. But the longer I used it, the gloppier the mascara got and it made my lashes look like a 60s spidery mess. And that sucks.

Tony Moly Cooling Eye Stick: This was very cooling on the skin. It felt great! But it totally broke me out. I don't usually get pimples in my under eye area but I did after using this. Boooo.

GFYs (Go Fuck Yourselves)

Catrice Prime & Fine Brightening Eye Shadow Base: This doesn't do shit for helping eye shadow last or look more intense. It's actually kind of shimmery which is fine if that's what you want. Otherwise I'd stick to NYX's jumbo eye pencil in Milk. ALSO, this changed color after only a couple of months. Gross.

Essence Forbidden Volume Mascara: If they mean it was forbidden to make a mascara that does what it says on the bottle then they hit the mark. No volume whatsoever. It was gloppy and smudged EVERYWHERE. Fucking weak.

Air Repair Super-Hydrating Eye Cream: Holy hell this stung like a mother fucker. I had to wipe it off immediately which kind of defeats the purpose, right? Totally useless.

Colourpop Brow Boss Gel: This stuff is more like a thick lotion so it never really dries down. It also doesn't last for more than a few hours which is fine because IT DOES NOTHING. I don't have a lot of brow hairs but I have one or two with attitudes. This stuff didn't do a damn fucking thing.

Saem Iceland Hydrating Eye Stick: Though this had a nice cooling effect, that's not its purpose. It's supposed to hydrate. Does it do that? Nooooooope. Actually very drying for under the eyes AND it broke me out. So I guess these kinds of stick balm things are just not for me. Which is sad because look how cute the packaging is!

That'll do it for this round. I'll try to get these up once every quarter so they're not as long!

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs June 2017

All righty. This is TAKE TWO of writing up this post. I accidentally discarded the last one I worked on, just as I was getting to the end....

via GIPHY

Anyhoo...let's get to the products.

PANTY DROPPERS (PDs)

Beauty 360 Face Scrubby Thing: I really don't know what this is called but I saw a duo pack of these at CVS (360 is CVS's house brand). I have a tendency to go ham fisted with physical exfoliators (like those creams with grit in them or just a washcloth) but this thing makes it much easier for me to calm my shit down. The little silicone nubs are gentle enough to not rip my face off but you can feel that they really get in there and slough off the dead skin. I keep one in my shower and I travel with the other. The extra great thing is they don't retain water, like a sponge would, so there's no risk of slathering mold all over your face! (I can't find a link at CVS for these, though)

The Ordinary "Buffet": People on YouTube were going NUTS over this brand for a hot minute. Things seemed to have calmed down but I don't know why. This brand makes some really good skin care. The packaging is simple and they don't load in shit you don't need (fillers, dyes, scents, etc.). That's why their prices are so freakin low. The Buffet is a peptide serum and I honestly think it's done wonders for my skin. It's the most expensive thing I've purchased from them ($15) and compared to regular stores, it's almost like shopping at the dollar store! I have since repurchased and will continue to do so.

NYX Ultimate Palette (Cool Neutrals): Everyone and their mother goes ape shit for warm colors. I'm so tired of the warm browns, coppers, oranges, blahblahblah. Don't get me wrong - I do wear them. I'm just TIRED of them. So this is a god send. Colors are beautiful, pretty pigmented, and blend like a dream (the purple one is a bit patchy and the light ones you can't really see because they are very close to my skin tone). 

Merchant of Galifrey Lip Balm (Cassian): I've found that some lip balms don't actually moisturize or protect the lips. I know, right? But this shop from Etsy has made some great ones! Tons of scents so you're sure to find something you'll like. I got the one inspired by Star Wars: Rogue One's character of Cassian - pear, clove, and dulce de leche. So not only does it smell good, last long, and work great, I think of Diego Luna every time I put it on my lips. Mmmmm....Diego....

TheBalm Mad Lash Mascara: I love the formula of this mascara. It does a great job of thickening and lengthening my lashes. Sometimes TheBalm stuff can be hit or miss but this stuff is awesome.

Milani Eye Shadow Primer: I've tried a bunch of different brands but this is the one I always goes back to. Just repurchased.

Colourpop Creme Gel Eyeliner: This stuff is no joke. Once it's on the eyes, even the waterline, it doesn't budge one inch. The problem, though, is the darker ones dry out really fast. I had the dark green color (which is no longer available - probably because it basically looked black) but the product got too try to work with before I could use it up. The browns are a little easier to work with, stay creamier longer, but still have the same staying power.

Colourpop Super Shock Shadow (Dare): I can't tell you how many times I've received compliments on this shadow when I wear it. A gorgeous neon purple with hot pink and violet glitter. But as you can see from the swatch, it dried out before I could even hit pan. It's basically just dry scratchy glitter now and OMG COLOURPOP IS HAVING A SALE ON THEIR SHADOWS. Excuse me a moment...

MEHs

NYX Le Frou Frou Mascara: For something that claims to give volume and length, it really does neither. My lashes looked nice, soft and natural, but no better than that. So while it's nice to use for those kind of days, I don't turn to it to get more special.

Bronx Colors Matte Lip Tint: The color was pretty, though a little brighter than the swatch on-line, but the formula was dry and kinda streaky. Not a great first impression, Bronx.

The Body Shop Vitamin E Serum: At first this stuff seemed great. It smells fantastic and it gave me a little extra moisture I needed at the time. But after about a month the smell went...off. I'm almost positive, too, that this broke me out a bit. Not gonna ever use again just to be safe. 

Essence Get Big Lashes Mascara: Again, another one that claims to make your lashes really thick and long but really only gives you a soft natural look. Which is fine but not what I was looking for when I bought this.

Tarte Skinny Smolder Eyes (Amethyst): The color is kinda dull and the product itself wears off really fast. Though it feels creamy going on and smudges out well, it's just so...lackluster. Probably why it's on sale at the website.

TheBalm Mad Lash Mascara: This also get a MEH rating - for the packaging. Instead of a normal twist open tube, they have this one as just pull straight out (oy) and snap back in. It's a tight fit (really?) so after yanking on it for a second or two (for crying out loud), the wand flings product everywhere (geez) then gets all over the packaging (mic drop). Ugh.

GO FUCK YOURSELVES (GFYs)

Burts Bees Facial Cleansing Towlettes: Oh gods these suck so bad! The cloths come out mostly dry and they sting like a fucking beast. They also smell very herbally which is great for marinara sauce but not for my fucking face.

City Color Color Corrector Pens: I really wanted to try the orange toned one for the purple under my eyes, as well as try out the green just for shits and giggles. They came as a trio on Haute Look so I got them all. FUCKING AWFUL. They're twist up pens so after about 4 days of twisting, a little teeny tiny bit of product came out. Mostly dry and crumbly, they dried darker once on the skin (except the green - that one was ok). I maybe got 3 uses from them. SO FUCKING TERRIBLE.

Addictive Cosmetics All Natural Lipstick (Maleficent): I've purchased stuff from this Etsy store before that I've loved. But this lipstick is just awful. Patchy as fuck, thin formula, it will not go opaque no matter what I do, not even over a lip liner. I don't know if it's because it's a sample and not a full bullet or what. Ugh.

Urban Decay Perversion Mascara: You can see I have two sample tubes of this crap and I haven't used up either. The formula is so thick and goopy, it's impossible to work with. Maybe if I had thicker lashes it would be okay. But I don't. So it isn't. Blech.

Shea Moisture Dragons Blood & Coffee Cherry Mask: HOLY FUCKING BALLS THIS STUFF HURT SO BAD! I've used SM stuff in the past and I've liked it. But about 30 seconds after I got this mask on my face it started to burn. Like Human Torch burn. Like Darkman caught in his lab fire burn. Which makes me so sad because it smells fantastic. But it's not worth the price of possibly becoming disfigured (that's hyperbole for those of you without a sense of humor).

All righty. That'll do it for my list of awesome and awful. See you in a few months for another installment!

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs February 2017

I don't have a lot of stuff that moved me or made me super angry these past few months. But compared to the Morgue Drawer I just typed up, this will be a welcome relief.

PANTY DROPPERS

Tarte Cosmetics Shape Tape concealer: There was a shit ton of hype over this on YouTube and there's good reason. This shit is awesome. The tube is HUGE so you get a ton of product (.34 ounces is much more than standard concealer tubes). It's creamy and blends well; great coverage; very little creasing (even for those of us with more wrinkles than others). Tarte has since come out with more shades so that's cool. I could probably even go one shade darker in this. I have 'Light' and it's very bright on me. It is pricey but worth it, as most Tarte stuff is. (CF)

ELF Lip Exfoliator: I have the Cherry Tart flavor and I love it. It's shaped like a regular lip stick but it's a sugar scrub. Lots of people think it's too dry but I think it's perfect. There's a nice balm left behind after the sugar melts. It's a great lip prep. (CF)

MEHs

Essence Lash Princess False Lash Effect: This is supposed to be more voluminous than the original Lash Princess but I didn't find that to be true at all. Looks more natural and the product tends to get clumpy around the opening of the tube and a bit on the brush. (CF)

ELF Poreless Face Primer: This is so MEH that I mentioned in my November post back in 2016. Kept trying it out and yep, it's still pretty average. Most of the bottle is left so I'm going to donate it somewhere. (CF)

LA Girl Glazed Lip Paint: Gorgeous color but it goes on patchy. It's also has just an angled plastic tip (no sponge) so it's nearly impossible to apply neatly. (CF)

GO FUCK YOURSELVES

Etude House Moistfull Deep Cream: This stuff left my skin super greasy the next morning and I'm pretty sure it broke me out. LAME. (CF but sells in China)

Benefit Dew the Hoola liquid bronzer: First off there's barely enough product in this sample to get a really good idea how it looks. Second it broke me out. Fucking weak. (NCF)

Mint Pear beauty sponge: It felt like I was beating myself in the face with a rock. Thanks for the black eye, asshats. (CF)

Wei Rapid Glow Liquid Milk: I wasn't sure if this broke me out until the second time I used it and holy balls my skin fucking HATES this shit. I think I'm done with Wei products. (CF)

Essence Super Fine liquid liner pen: This pen dried out waaaay to fast and it smudges like a bitch. Ugh. (CF)

Short, sweet, and to the point. That'll do, pig. That'll do.

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs November 2016

Ah...one of my favorite posts to write. Even though it's been a while, I don't have TOO much stuff but yeah, this will be a bit longer than my last few. That's okay. I can just bask in it for a little extra time this month.

I've purchased all of these products with my own money (or they came in a subscription box which I also paid for myself) so all opinions are my honest ones.

PD (PANTY DROPPERS)

Etude House Moisture Cleansing Oil: This stuff was awesome. Smelled great and did a fantastic job at removing all my makeup. (CF but ships to China)

Lunatic Cosmetic Labs: I found this brand through Tori Biohazard on YouTube. It's a small indy company so they don't have a shit ton of products. But they had a booth at the Flashback horror convention in Chicago this year so I thought it would be perfect to try them out. This eye shadow palette (Supernatural) is unbelievable. They are so pigmented and blend beautifully. And can we talk about this packaging? Hello, awesome party of one! (CF)

DIY Mask: I was looking for some homemade masks that would be good for dry skin. As I've said before I experienced some super dry skin this year and I still don't know why. But this mask recipe was awesome. I used it 3-4 times a week for a couple of months and my skin felt fantastic. There's a huge list on this page but I made #13, skipping the cucumber on my eyes part. It's just brown sugar, honey, and milk. That's it!

MEH

Milani Big & Bigger Lashes mascara: The formula on this is okay for volume but nothing stupendous. The brush is terrible. Plastic bristles that poke the shit out of my eye balls. If it had a different wand it would be all right. (CF)

ELF Lengthening & Volumizing mascara: Not volumizing at all but you can get a nice natural look from it. But then why would you buy this if that's what you want? The brush was nice but the tube dried up pretty fast. (CF)

ELF Poreless Face Primer: Though this is a nice silky soft primer, it's not good for oily skin. My face felt greasy all day after using this. I tried it a couple of times with different powders, foundations, and BB creams but the result was the same. If you have dry skin, this might work really well for you.

Hostess Chocodile Twinkies: Imagine my disappointment when these really tasted nothing like chocolate covered Twinkies. They basically taste like King Dons but vanilla. And stale. I could have gotten an older box (what'd you call me?) so I'd be willing to try them again.

GFY (GO FUCK YOURSELF)

Yes to Coconut Makeup Wipes: Dry as a popcorn fart and burned like fucking acid. (CF)

Yes to Cucumbers Calming Mask: Christ all mighty this thing burned like a mother fucker. Where's the fucking calm in that, ass holes? I had to take it off after about 2 minutes. What the fuck is this "Yes To..." brand doing with it's life?? (CF)

Juice Beauty Green Apple Brightening Moisturizer with SPF15: Way too thick so it never felt like it fully absorbed. It also broke me out. I know this is Gwyneth Paltrow's brand and all and everyone just looooves her but fuck that shit. Other products she's made are good but this stuff sucks ass. (CF)

NYX Angel Veil Skin Perfecting Face Primer: You've seen me rave on NYX stuff before but I have no idea why people love this crap. It absolutely accentuates dryness on the skin. It also balls up and/or flakes off when putting make up over it. Um...that kind of defeats the purpose, don't you think? Try harder next time. (CF)

The Balm Mr. Write Now (Scott) Eyeliner: This eyeliner is so fucking dry! It totally crumbles when I try to put it on. And you'd think my oily lids might help it out a bit. Noooope. For the price point on this, I expected better, especially since other products I own from this brand are pretty awesome. (CF)

Essence Waterproof Gel Eyeliner: TERRIBLE! The product is way too dry and if you try to layer it, it crumbles everywhere. It doesn't stay, or apply evenly, on the tight or water line. Um, isn't it supposed to be waterproof? Geez. (CF)

Aveeno Absolutely Ageless Restorative Night Cream: Though is smells okay this crap broke me out something terrible. I couldn't even finish up the tiny sample tube. Ugh. (NCF)

Too Faced Lip Injection Extreme Plumping Gloss: HOLY FUCKING ASS CRACKERS. This shit contains capsicum - you know, that genus of flowering plants called peppers that contain capsaicin which causes a BURNING SENSATION. Apparently beauty companies think this is an awesome ingredient to plump the lips and make them appear fuller. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? This shit burned so bad even AFTER I took it off. It left a red irritated ring around the line of my lips like I just gave a blow job to The Human Torch. $28 to feel like I've poured lighter fluid on my face then set it aflame?? FUCK YOU, TOO FACED. FUCK YOU RIGHT IN THE EAR! (CF)

I love to end on a good rant.

That's it for 2016. I'll be back in a couple of months for another installment!

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs May 2016

For you newbs, here's a quick explanation of this series of posts. Most YouTubers or Bloggers do something like Monthly Favorites or Hits and Misses every month. As I don't use up or go through stuff all that quickly, my post will show up every couple of months. So here you will find the products that are Pantry Droppers (the good), Meh (the average), and Go Fuck Yourselves (the shitty).

Below find the latest for May of 2016. (Again - I don't know the cruelty free status of most of the Korean brands. If I do, I will note it.)

PDs

Shara Shara Banana Honey Lotion: Sweet baby Jeebus this lotion is phenomenal. I got it in a Meme box years ago and it took a long time to get through it all. Smells just like banana cream pie (if you're into that sort of thing...which I am) and it made my skin so soft. It's in new packaging now but Amazon has it!

Nourish Organic Body Oil Mist: As this is a sample, it's not a mist format so it's a little messier to deal with but it's awesome. It doesn't smell like roses - more like just the rose hips, which is a little grassier than floral. Not a strong scent so that's fine with me. Loved using this after the shower. Will have to buy the full size. NO is cruelty free.

Promise Organic Argan Creme Face Lotion: I just talked about this in my Morgue Drawer but it needs to be discussed again, it's that nice. Non-greasy, fast absorbing, smells like oranges. Because it doesn't have SPF I used it as a night cream. As soon as I get through the stuff I have now, I'm buying more of this. PO is cruelty free.

Milani Moisture Lock Lip Treatment: I have the Rose scented one and I love it. It has a soft pink color in the tube but it's just clear oil/gloss on the lips. This is so moisturizing and lasts a  surprisingly long time on the lips. Most oils would wear off relatively fast but this likes to hang around for a while. I want to try all the other scents/flavors, too. Milani is cruelty free.

Dermal Sea Cucumber Supreme Mask: This really made my skin feel hydrated after using it. Probably because it's so saturated with essence that it was dripping all over me until I blotted it with a towel!

Leaders Black Aqua Pore Scaling mask: This was amazing! It tingled a bit when I wore it but not in a burning kind of way. The material was thick and super soft. My skin felt better after using it (it's for dry skin so I guess it's got extra moisturizers or something). See below for an amusing visual.

3W Fresh Syn-ake mask: Very nice and moisturizing but again, the 3W mask holes do not fit my face.

Mehron Paint Palette: I got this for a specific cosplay at Motor City Comic Con but it will be great for any other face/body painting I need to do. I practiced my make up several times before the actual costume day and I barely made a dent in these paints! They're water activated and once they dry, they really don't budge - unless you sweat or get spit upon or the natural oils of your skin start to break it down over time. I need to invest in some sealant!

Glamtech empty palette: I found this place on Etsy. I had a few single shadows/highlighters that had no home (along with a bunch of singles I depotted to clear up the clutter in my drawers....ewww...). This store will customize a palette for you! No more boring plain black or lame ass chevron patterns for you! You can choose from a bunch of different colors and designs. The top is held on by very strong magnets and they don't let go. I store mine upright in a desk letter organizer. I have since purchased another so I have this red bats one and a purple skeleton cameo palette. Awesome!

MEHs

Derma e Hydrating Night Creme: I used to love this stuff. But for some reason it decided it wanted to break up and it's moisturizing capabilities have left me high and dry (or at least dry). I can't even finish this jar because it feels like it's sucking the life out of my skin.

Essence Gel eyeliner: I used to really love this stuff, too. And when I first open the jar, it IS fantastic. But within a few weeks the gel starts to dry out. It gets harder and harder (that's what she said) to work with and crumbles all over the place. Maybe if I used it every day I'd get through it before it goes all Sahara.

Skinfood Mascara: It says setting mascara but the card from the 3B box this came in said it's used just like a regular mascara. It does makes my lashes look beautiful and long but it smudges all under my eyes by the end of the day. Maybe it doesn't do that on people whose eyelids are insured by Exxon.

GFYs

Simple Micellar make-up wipes: Pretty much exactly like their liquid format - useless and burny. Does not get off all makeup and hurt like fuck around the eyes. Simple is not cruelty free.

3W Clinic Collagen Serum: I tried to use this for about 2 weeks. I know skin can go into rebel mode when introduced to new things but even after an adjustment period, it kept breaking me out. Ugh.

Benton Snail Bee Steam Cream: Sticky, smelly face cream did absolutely nothing for me. Except give me big zits. So apparently Team Bee Snail is a shitty idea.

Secret Key toner: This felt like straight alcohol on my skin. Very drying and, naturally, irritated and broke out my skin. 

Maybelline Color Tattoo cream eye shadow: Completely useless. I thought it worked as a decent base but I thought wrong. It also dried up really fast. Maybelline is not cruelty free. Ass hats.

L'Oreal Revitalift Miracle Blur: I think this was a face primer but it didn't blur anything, felt greasy, and then balled up when I put foundation on over it. What the hell? L'Oreal isn't cruelty free anyway so no big loss there.

Palladio Flat brush: Not sure exactly when I bought this but I was a fucking idiot at the time and even more of a fucking idiot for keeping it this long. It's rough and prickly as fuck, like using a cactus to put on my eye makeup. Palladio is not cruelty free which is pretty obvious from this brush - if they don't give a rat's ass about the comfort of their customers, they sure as shit don't give a flying fuck about animals.

Okay that'll do it for now. Come back in a couple months to see what else had made me drop my drawers, shrug non-committally, or pissed me off so bad I had to go beat up a random hobo.

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs (March 2016 Edition)

Yes! I'm still on schedule! Enjoy it while it lasts, people.

PDs (Panty Droppers)

Nivea Men Post Shave Balm - I know what you're saying. Uh, Peggy, that's a MEN'S product. Yes, yes it is. But apparently one of the beauty mavens on YouTube used this in place of her moisturizer (because she was at her boyfriend's place and didn't have any) and noticed how great it was as a primer. And damn if she wasn't right! Its main ingredient is glycerin which is what helps makeup last longer on your face. It feels so nice on the skin and it smells like boy. It is a strong smell so it's not for everyone. But I love it. Comes in a sensitive formula, too.

ELF Makeup Mist & Set - I've been using this makeup setting spray for years. I think this might be my fifth bottle (it lasts a long time, btw). No major scent that I can tell and it helps my makeup last so much longer than without it. And it's like $3! I linked their site but you can get this brand at Meijer and Target and possibly Walgreens or Walmart.

L'Oreal Infallible Pro-Matte Foundation - I'm not a huge foundation gal. I have a few but I usually reach for a BB or CC cream first. But I got this on a whim and tried it a few times. Damn if this stuff doesn't make my skin look awesome. I thought it would look too dry, as it's matte, but it really doesn't. And it stays on the skin for HOURS! As in, all day. Good stuff.

Kat Von D Tattoo Liquid Eyeliner - Several people had recommended this product so eventually I caved and spent the $20 to get one. Um...worth every penny. I got the Mad Max Brown color and it's gorgeous. It dries down and doesn't fucking move all day. After about 8 hours, the wing I'd made did start to break down but I have watery eyes so I think that contributed to it. Otherwise, this liner is TITS!

MEHs

Maybelline Dream Velvet Foundation (left swatch) - I admit. YouTube reviews made me want this. And while the color is a decent match for me (nice pink undertone) and the foundation feels nice, it looks awful. I've tried blending this with brushes and sponges and both ways look dry and cakey on me. It looks nice on a lot of people. Just not me.

Milani Eyebrow Gel (middle swatch) - I love Milani products so when they came out with an eyebrow gel, I needed to get it. The color is awesome. It's a nice cool toned brown. And the brush is small (not as small as L'Oreal brow plumper but not as big as NYX's brow gel) so it's easy to work with. The trouble is I can't get any fucking product on the damn brush! No matter how many times I dip that into the tube, barely anything comes out. I had to dip it 3 times to get that swatch above. And, once it dries, it flakes. A lot. *is sad* Maybe if I had more brow hairs to hold onto the product it would be better. I think it is one of those fiber gels. Oh well. They have other stuff I can try next!

Colourpop Highlighter  (right swatch) - Now, I love a lot of CP stuff. I do want to do a one-brand review soon. But every now and again, something just hits me wrong. When I first got this, I thought it was a beautiful soft gold/champagne highlight with a little shimmer. And while the product itself is wonderful and the color is gorgeous, it's mostly glitter. I've tried it for weeks and on days when my skin was drier or softer or really hydrated. It still looks the same. I don't mind some glitter now and again but I just couldn't get down with this, no matter how much I wanted to. I linked their whole highlighter page because they have others that are awesome.

GFYs (Go Fuck Yourselves)

CVS Eye Makeup Remover - I've used this stuff a lot but someone somewhere along the food chain of CVS product development totally fucked this up. The "NEW" label obviously means "Useless and Burny" because that's what this is. You can see how much I used of the contents before screaming my rage from my rooftop.

Acure Day Cream - Maybe I should have put this in the MEH category but any skin care product that breaks me out deserves to be shoved down the garbage disposal. Loved the smell. Hated the product.

Too Faced Shadow Insurance - Um, for a brand that's so fucking pricey, I expected more. I don't mean quantity as this is a sample. But I mean in quality. The eye shadows I've used aren't that great and this primer follows suit. It doesn't work that well and after a month or so started separating (as in when I squeezed the tube, nasty oily liquid splooged out). What the hell, TF? 

Rimmel Stay Glossy - I know it looks pink in the tube but it's basically colorless. If I wanted colorless gloss, that's what I'd buy. Also the shimmers have separated from the gloss (2nd pic - that dark pink band is where I swiped the applicator in the bottle). If I have to mix my gloss every time...fuck you, Rimmel. (can't find the color I have - SHOCKING - so I linked another one)

Wet & Wild Megalast Liquid Lip Color - Not sure if W&W was trying to be like the bazillion other liquid lipsticks out there but I think they missed. While the color on these are gorgeous, there's so much glitter in them that they feel gritty. Like 40 grade sandpaper. Yeah, that's exactly what I want to put on my mouth. Jerks.

Swisspers Cotton Swabs - Yep. I'm still of the school of thinking that anything less than the Q-Tip brand is not worth a bucket of spit. And when you can get 300 Swisspers for $1, don't put that shit anywhere near your body. Use it for arts and crafts or something. Not your face or your ears, okay? I don't even have the package anymore because I threw them all into my crafting bag.

All righty. That covers the last two months. Come back and see me in May when I will praise, shrug off, or set a flame the next list of products.

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs

With the new year, I'm hoping to get on a more regimented schedule with this column. It seems like I post these anywhere from every month and a half to every three. That's a little too random. So I think I might try to do this every two months which should give me enough time to find stuff that I love or want to set on fire.

So here we go with the first 2016 list! (I'm trying to use a professional styled camera for these pics now and I think it's obvious I need to practice. I still don't know what all the buttons do or how to change the settings so excuse the crappy focus on these until I can get my shit together)

Panty Droppers (PDs)

Revlon Ultra HD Matte Cream Lip Color: These just came out a month or so ago in the ever reaching trend of liquid to matte lipsticks. And while the few I've tried have just completely SUCKED ASS, I love this one. Probably because it doesn't full dry down to a complete matte. It stays a bit creamy on the lips and will transfer - to your coffee cup, donut, the delivery man - so keep that in mind. You can blot with a tissue and that will make it look more matte. But if you're like me and can't stand the Saraha Desert on your mouth, you'll love these. The colors are gorgeous, the formula feels like a whipped gel, and I actually like the fruity smell. They run anywhere from $7-$9, depending on where you go. Got my at Walgreens. The colors I have (from bottom to top): Seduction, Devotion, Addiction. 

Chips Ahoy Chocolate Chip Cookies with Oreo Cream Filling: You read that right. Imagine a soft baked Chips Ahoy cookie. Now picture a thin layer of Oreo filling right in the middle. Can you see it? It's glorious, isn't it? I know it sounds like it would be too sweet. Don't get me wrong - it is very sweet. But in no way is it overpowering or gag inducing. It's a beautiful tasty creation.

YSL Touche Elcat Concealer/Brightener: I got 3 little samples on a promotional card from a Sephora order, I think. The first two were for fair skin and the third for a medium complexion. Obviously the third was too dark but the first two were gorgeous. No. 1 (bottom right of swatches) has a nice peach tone to it so it covers dark circles well. No. 2 (middle right) worked great as a non-shimmery highlighter and concealer. Unfortunately this stuff is $42 a pop so I don't think I'll be purchasing some any time soon.

Colourpop Gel Liner: Colourpop is mostly a huge hit for me, with just a few misses (I'll do a Colourpop centric review in a bit). And their gel liners just came out a little while ago so I thought I'd give them a shot. Awesome stuff! I tried it the first time without priming or powdering my lids. And that shit lasted a good 8-10 hours before it started to fade. That's fucking crazy! Especially with my super oily lids. It does dry pretty quick so it's difficult to go back and fix any mistakes. But it's totally worth $6! The color is called Workout.

MEHs

Dermalogica Multivitamin Power Serum: I can only give this a meh rating because it totally broke me out. Though it smelled really nice and it felt very silky going on the skin, it's just not worth it if it gives me pizza face. Oh well. I'm sure I'll get over it and its $66 price tag soon enough...okay, I'm over it.

Kiss of Cherry lip balm (Nivea): I love the Kiss of Moisture balms from Nivea but like the one with SPF, the Cherry one dries my lips like a mo-fo. I don't know if the staining color that's the culprit or what but I couldn't even finish the tube. It smells fantastic and feels great at first so it could just be my sensitive ass (that's where it goes, right?). You can find this for $2-$3.

Almay Get Up and Grow Mascara: I can't remember if I put this stuff in another list but if I did and gave it any higher rating than MEH, I was an idiot. It does give fantastic volume and my lashes felt soft, never crunchy. But it ended up smudging on both my upper and lower lids. Booooo. It retails for around $7-$9.

GFYs (Go Fuck Yourselves)

Carol's Daughter Monoi Hairspray: I don't know who the fuck Carol or her daughter are but their hairspray is crap. The smell is gag inducing so I can't even use enough of it to get an idea of its usefulness. The can it came in leaks a bit, too. Ugh. And it costs $22? NOT.

Pur-lisse Eye Serum: I believe I just talked about this in my Ipsy bag review. This crap is awful. It burns my skin. It's not like the tissues of the under eye are already sensitive or anything. Ass hats. $65 price tag? What a fucking joke.

(I guess I hated the last three items on this list so much that I threw them away already)

City Color Be Bold Mascara: I've gotten this brand a few times in Ipsy and most of it is good. But this stuff sucks. It's gloppy, smudgy, clumpy, and all around awful. It doesn't do much for either volume or length. I'd expect a little better for $6.

Garnier Shine Control Cleansing Gel (charcoal): I think I got this after I realized I didn't want to buy the Olay scrubby wash anymore. This stuff smells so bad and it totally broke me out. This runs around $8.

Derma e Anti Wrinkle Glycolic Scrub: I was so sad about this one. I have a couple other Derma e products that are wonderful. But this smelled so strongly like old fashioned Ivory soap and it was very rough on the skin. And I'm such a delicate fucking flower, apparently, that it broke me out, too.

That's it for now, kiddies. I'll (hopefully) be back in two months with some more fun!