MORGUE DRAWER December 2020

Reviewing garbage is just so appropriate right now. Used to feel kinda weird, but now that 2020 is coming to a close, it’s more fitting than ever.

Let’s take a look at all the stuff I used up over the past few months!

BEAT THAT MUG

Notoriously Morbid Slumber Salve: I can’t remember the flavor/scent on this one but this stuff is awesome. It actually stays on overnight and my lips feel so soft in the morning. I really need to get more…

Essence Lash Princess Volume Mascara: I don’t enjoy the other formulas in this line, just the OG Volume. Really great at volumizing and separating my lashes. I love the bristle brush, too. I think this particular tube was a little clumpy, though.

Dionis Goat Milk Lip Balm: Pretty good balm. I think I have one more, in a different flavor, to try, so we’ll see if they’re consistent quality (looks like they may have changed the scent formula - Peppermint Twist is the name now).

Crazy Rumors Lip Balm: This one ended up being terrible. It dried out my lips the more I used it.

Medusa’s Makup Rage Against the Bean Lip Balm: Very good lip balm, wonderful vanilla scent. Would definitely buy again. This looks like it might be an old formula (there are new balms with new packaging on the site) so this is on mega sale right now.

Tarte Sex Kitten Eye Liner: This is a great eyeliner. Very black, and doesn’t smudge or move all day. It’s probably one of the few liners that actually stays on my waterline, too.

Milani Highly Rated Mascara: It’s…okay. It works better as a layering mascara, not so great on its own.

LIKE BUTTAH

Carol’s Daughter Almond Cookie Frappe Body Lotion: HOLY AMAZEBALLS. This stuff is a great moisturizer AND the scent is straight up almond cookie. It’s aweoms.

Nature’s Truth Sweet Almond Oil: I get this stuff at Meijers. Great base oil to mix with essential oils or scent oils to make you own…whatever!

Theme Creme Screaming Lambs: I can’t remember if the name of the shope is Theme Creme, or that’s the line. But I met the owner at a local horror con a few years ago and bought 3 jars. This one has ingredients that help with sore muscles and bruising (a strong clove scent). And it was really great, as are the other 2. The only problem is that when this gets warm, the beeswax beads resolidify so there are a bunch of little wax beads in the lotion that take a while to remelt against the skin. Otherwise, I loved this stuff, but I don’t know where to buy it.

MY SKIN WOULD MAKE A GREAT LAMP SHADE

Formula 10.0.6 Picture Perfect Day Cream with SPF 15: Staple moisturizer. Will continue to repurchase (though with the winter months upon us, I’ve been adding in a facial oil with it).

ELF Happy Hydration Cream: Nice, and I liked that it had no scent.

The SAEM Baobab Collagen Cream: I really liked this but the company is not cruelty free so will not repurchase. I can only find this on Amazon and Ebay (as opposed to Asian beauty websites) so not sure if they still make it or it’s being phased out.

Fourth Ray Beauty BFD Cleansing Oil: Since cleansing balms now bother my eyes, I’ve turned to oils. This is a really nice one.

The SAEM Green Tea Cleansing Water: It was okay. Not great, but not the worst.

Mad Hippie Cream Cleanser: This is a new brand to me, and this cleanser is fantastic. Already repurchased.

Mario Badescu Rose Facial Spray: Staple face mist. Will continue to repurchase.

TN Dickinson’s Witch Hazel: This was fine but the scent was a little off-putting (the natural scent of witch hazel is very earthy). I got a different brand now and it does NOT have a scent like this one at all.

Formula 10.0.6 Berry Fresh Balancing Mud Mask: Good, but I didn’t use it up fast enough. Had to pitch it. Also it doesn’t look like they make this one anymore.

Look At Me Sweet Honey Sheet Mask: This was awesome. Good scent, good serum, and my skin felt great the next day. I got mine in my Facetory subsription but you can get this at YesStyle.

The Ordinary Niacinamide Serum: My skin loves this serum so I will keep buying it. Eventually, my skin acclimates and rebels, but if I just switch it out for the Fourth Ray version (and go back and forth between those two brands), it’s fine.

Fourth Ray Beauty Reveal AHA Serum: Really enjoyed this and it smells great.

Fourth Ray Beauty Papaya Face Milk: My skin loves this particular face milk (I’ve tried other and my face ain’t having it). Smells like papaya candy and my skin actually gets a nice glow from it (hubby even commented one day about it).

Good Molecules Niacinamide Serum: This is okay. My skin doesn’t like it as much as the Ordinary or Fourth Ray Beauty. You’d think they’d all mostly be the same but nope.

GEE, YOUR HAIR SMELLS TERRIFIC

Hask Coconut Dry Shampoo: Works pretty well, and the coconut scent isn’t TOO overpowering.

Hask Unwined Dry Shampoo: This also works pretty well, but the scent is very very strong. Won’t be getting this one again. Can’t find this particular dry shampoo anymore (they have regular shampoo in this line, though).

DEBRIS

Tippy Toes Baby Wipes: I use these to wipe off swatches or my hands. I will use wipes to clean up fall out under my eyes, but always have to apply a face oil afterwards. No matter how gentle the brand says it is, it’s always a bit drying on the face. The scent on these is awful, though. Maybe their unscented ones are better…?

Apagard Nano-Hydroxyapetite Toothpaste: I wanted to see if this stuff actually works. NAHA is an ingredient, created by NASA and sold to Japan, that helps build enamel in your teeth from the inside out (as opposed to fluoride which helps on the outer layer of the teeth). You can look up scientific papers on-line about it and why NASA created it, but Japan has been using it in their dental care since 1970 (I believe). And I’ll be damned if this stuff doesn’t work. My teeth are sensitive and if I don’t use sensitive toothpaste, they hurt like hell. NAHA helps with sensitivity by repairing micro-scratches or breeches in your enamel so now I don’t need sensitive specific toothpaste. How fucking cool is that?

Tom’s of Main Sensitive Toothpaste: This is what I used before I found that Apagard stuff (I’m also trying the Boka brand with the NAHA since I won’t want to have to wait to get the paste from Japan). It’s great stuff.

Native Natural Deodorants: Natural deodorants don’t work on me - and these are no exception. They actually make me sweat more. But I wanted to try this brand because so many people were singing its praises (and I got a coupon). So…yeah. Total bust. But it’s fine if I’m staying at home and not overexerting myself with anything. They smell really nice, too.

All righty. That wraps up my trash for 2020. Fingers crossed that 2021 will only have me talking about literal garbage instead of metaphorical.

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs December 2020

Well, here we are folks. Almost to the end of the shit show we’ve come to know as the year 2020. I anticipate over spillage into 2021, but I’m hopeful it will only taint the first few months with its grubby little paws.

In the meantime, let’s go through a handful of stuff I really enjoyed, or not, or really had luke-warm feelings toward. I’m thinking of changing the GFY to FO: FUCK OFF. Little shorter, little sweeter…well, maybe not sweeter.

Also, I’m sure that all but one product mentioned here is from a company that’s cruely free! (I don’t know about the toothpaste, Think Your Teeth).

PANTY DROPPERS

Tarte Lights, Camera, Lashes Mascara: One of my favorite mascaras. It’s expensive so I wait until it goes on sale to purchase. It seemed I either bought an older tube or I had this sitting in my stash a little too long. Felt kinda dry and clumpy this time around and didn’t last very long. It’s usually not like that.

Tarte Busy Gal Brows (Medium Cool Brown): I love colored brow gels since my eyebrow hairs are very fine and few. If I don’t want to draw them in, I use a gel like this. I really liked the color, even though the hold isn’t great. But the teeny tiny brush is the best part. This is way to expensive to justify buying (unless it goes on mega sale - which I think it did and I have a backup). I kept the brush and am trying it with another brow gel that’s a little too thick. Hoping the smaller brush will help apply it better.

Essence Precise Eyeliner Brush: I love this fucking brush! And it’s $3 (used to be slightly cheaper, if I remember correctly but it’s worth it). I use this for gel eye liners or when I need more precise application for cosplay makeup.

Milani Retouch & Erase Light-Lifting Concealer (Light): This is pretty much the only concealer that looks good on me. Not drying, not heavy, blends out well. It works best if I’ve put a facial oil under my eyes, let it sit for about 10 seconds, then blend the concealer on top before setting with powder. I’ve since discovered Milani has one lighter shade (Fair) which is good because Light is way too yellow. Sometimes you can get it from Ulta, but I had to get mine directly from the Milani website.

NYX Cosmic Metals Lip Cream (Electro Magnetic and Celestial Star): I loved these lip creams. Gorgeous jewel tones, shiny and sparkly but didn’t feel gritty on the lips. Unfortunately, these just got too old and now are a little dry and streaky. (They have fewer colors available at Ulta, and the NYX site is out of stock on some so I’m wondering if this product is slowing being phased out)

MEH's

Sky Organics Rosewater Facial Mist: At first I really enjoyed this, but the longer I used it, the heavier the scent became. To the point where it’s just unbearable now and it stinks up the entire room. Otherwise, it’s a decent face mist. I got mine at CVS but I bet you can get them all over.

Think Your Teeth Toothpaste (BTS Collab): I think I got this in a Daebak box. The toothpaste itself seems fine, but the flavor is off-putting. Lavender, I think. I’d be interested in trying their sensitive formula, though.

Milani Trifecta Mascara: Doesn’t really do much, definitely not three things. Looks more just like a soft, natural mascara. It’s on sale at their site…shocking.

LA Girl Oomph’d Mascara: See above.

AOA Studio Buttercream Gel Liners (Blueberry and Pistacio): This is the Shop Miss A house brand, I believe (pretty much EVERYTHING on Shop Miss A is around $1 - no joke, and there’s some good stuff on there). Loved the colors on these (rich blue and green) but the little pots are completely dried out. Like we’re talking little round bricks and they’re not that old. Granted, they were super cheap, so I’m not that mad about it.

Colourpop Pretty Fresh Creamy Concealer (Light 33C): The color is great but the product itself looks very dry on me (so much for that hyaluronic acid part, eh?). EDITOR’S ASIDE: if you go to the CP website now, they just launched a Hello Kitty collab and your computer cursor TURNS INTO A SNOWFLAKE!!!!

Colourpop Creme Gel Liner (Puppy): I love this color so much. I went through a phase of only wearing this with a matching matte shadow in the crease of my eyelid. But the pencil dried out way too fast, and is completely unusable now.

ELF Flat Brush: For an inexpensive brush, this lasted longer than I thought it would. It was nice for spreading out concealer or inner corner highlight on the eyes. But the little bristles pushed down into the ferrule and I can’t use it anymore. But I’ll probably get another one, since they’re pretty cheap. I think this was the concealer brush, but mine doesn’t have a name on it, where the packing now does include that (better late than never).

GO FUCK YOURSELVES

Fourth Ray Beauty Mellow Milk Mist: As you can see, it took me nearly the entire bottle of using this stuff to figure out it was what made my skin take a nose dive into the shitter. Broke me out something horrible! Which is sad because it gives a nice glow to the skin. GAH!

NYX Gel Liner/Smudger (White): So fucking dry, so fucking difficult to work with, so fucking NOT pigmented, and so fucking dry within a short amount of time. TRASH!

Notoriously Morbid Eye Base (Dreams Fade): Anyone following me on IG knows I’ve been loving on NM so hard. But this eye base is terrible. It doesn’t help shadows last longer, nor does it help with intensifying pigment, AND it ends up making all eye shadows crease like crazy on me. FUCK! (not available on their site, so it may have been a Halloween Advent Calendar exclusive)

Milani Stay Put Waterproof Eyeliner (Linked On Black): This product is the reason I refuse to wear waterproof makeup any more. It’s nearly impossible to remove this stuff (which might be a pro for some people) and irritated my eyes. The actual liner also dried out and separated from the wooden pencil around it. WHAT THE HELL?

Catrice Long Lasting Lip Pencil (And The Cherry On The Top): Spoiler Alert - it’s not. And it’s not for sale anywhere that I can find. WEAK!

BONUS ITEM - The Year 2020: No explanation needed, amirite?

Okay, well that wraps up my loves, likes, and hates for 2020. Here’s to hoping 2021 doesn’t suck as much giant donkey dick!

Morgue Drawer April 2020

Who wants to trash talk? And by that I mean talk about my garbage, not bad mouth and gossip about bullshit and politics.

For the newbs, this is the post where I talk about all the products I’ve used up over the past few months. AKA empties. Let’s take a look!

BEAT THAT MUG

Colourpop Super Shock Shadow in Puppy Love: This was a limited edition shade for a fundraiser CP had. It supported dog rescue efforts so OF COURSE I had to buy it. It was a lovely, soft peach shade. Great for a simple, one-color-all-over look. I had it for years but it’s finally dried out. *WAAAAAH*

NYX Pore Filler Face Primer: This is one of those cream colored primers that blur the appearance of pores. This does work pretty well, but it can look a little dry. I probably won’t get it again.

Catrice Multi-Talent Fixing Spray: I love this stuff. It works great at sealing in my makeup, and it gives my skin a gorgeous glow (think shiny but not greasy or metallic). They have a Dewy and Glow version but I don’t think that one gives any better effect than this one. Personal choice, I guess!

So many mascaras…

Covergirl Clump Crusher: I used to love this before I went cruelty free a few years ago. But now that CG is cruelty free (HOORAY!), I bought this again. Unfortunately, it’s not as good as I remember. Doesn’t give much length or volume. It does separate the lashes nicely, but it works better if you layer it with something else.

The Balm Mad Lash: Love love love this mascara! Great at lengthening and adding volume. I usually don’t buy it because it’s $18. But as of my typing this, there’s a flash sale of 50% at the site. WHOOP! I hope that doesn’t mean they’re discontinuing it and are getting rid of stock…

Buxom Volumizing Mascara: I think this is the volumizing one. There’s no indication on the sample tube but it looks like the one on the Buxom website. It was…okay. Better as a layering mascara.

Medusa’s Makeup Witch Lash: This is great stuff. Not for volume; okay for lengthening. But if you combine it with a mascara that transfers or smudges, the Witch Lash will stop it from doing that. I don’t know how - this is not the waterproof version. It’s MAGIC. (the link goes to the Twilight Blue color because I can’t find the black one - they may not make it anymore. SON OF A BI-)

Tarte Lights Camera Lashes: One of my favorite mascaras of all time. But I only buy it on sale because $23 for a tube of mascara is fucking nuts. But Ulta has it on sale a few times a year; sometimes Tarte will run a promotion.

MY SKIN WOULD MAKE A GREAT LAMPSHADE

Mario Badescu Rose Facial Spray: Been using this for years. Still love it.

The Ordinary Niacinamide Zinc Serum: Niacinamide is the one ingredient that’s made a visible difference in my skin care routine. It’s supposed to minimize the appearance of pores and gods damn, it really does. I’ve used this one and the Fourth Ray Beauty one (Colourpop’s skin care line). Both are equally effective. I’ve heard some YouTubers say the 10% concentration is too low for more mature skin, but I call bullshit. I only started using this last year, when I was 49 (or maybe even after I turned 50) and it worked great for me. I switch between brands because my skin does acclimate after a while, but I’ve had no issues with either CP or The Ordinary.

The Ordinary HA Moisturizer: This was just an ordinary (no pun intended) moisturizer. Didn’t do anything special. Since there’s no SPF in, I used it at night. But either way, it wasn’t all that. I’ve learned that hyaluronic acid doesn’t really do anything for my skin.

Context Vitamin C Eye Cream: I think I got this in an Ipsy bag about 100 years ago. It’s a thin, gel-like cream. It’s fine but doesn’t really DO anything. Plus it’s old so it’s gotta go.

Formula 10.0.6 Day Cream: Been using this for years. Still love it.

ELF Gentle Peeling Gel: I technically haven’t used this up but the pump broke, so I just put the product in a squeeze tube. I love peeling gels. I don’t know why, but they are really nice gentle exfoliators. This one is nice.

Pacifica Cherry Lava Purify Mask: This was a decent mask. Smelled like cherries, so it was right up my alley. But it’s gotten old and the last time I used it, it broke me out. Oh well. (Pacifica no longer makes it so I can’t, in good conscience, link you to an Amazon store that sells it for almost $30, when Pacifica sold it for around $12-15).

Formula 10.0.6 Deep Down Detox Mud Mask: I adore this mask. Clay/mud mask products work very well on my skin. If I’ve got some stubborn breakouts, I use this and almost overnight, they’re gone or on their way out. Love the smell (orange), too. But it’s gotten old, just like the Pacifica one, and broke me out last time I used it. For some reason it’s labeled as PREORDER of the Formula 10.0.6 website so…not sure what that’s about.

Look At Me Watermelon Face Mask: It’s been a while since I used this but if I remember correctly, I loved this. It smells fantastic, and my skin felt great the next day. And no breakouts! (I got this and the charcoal one through MyFaceTory subscription and they now have a store front!)

Naisture Charcoal Face Mask: I loved the feel of the cotton mask itself - very soft. I don’t think the smell was anything to write home about but my skin loved it.

SQUEAKY CLEAN

Babyganic Baby Wipes: I used to get these at my grocery store. But they don’t carry them anymore. You can find these at a bunch of other places, though, like CVS, Meijer, Target, Kroger, Walmart. They’re ERRWHERE.

The Potion Cabinet Shower Gel in Flesh Squeezed Virgin Blood (aka Black Cherry): I love the shower gels from this Etsy store. And this smelled like tart cherry candy, actually. But the scent doesn’t linger on the skin to compete with any other scented products you might use. The gel itself is great and makes my skin feel really soft. Highly recommend any scent of theirs (right now looks like this scent is out of stock).

Beauty of Joseon Cleansing Balm: I got this is my Daebak box and though it’s a sample, I got two uses out of it. The first time was great but the second, when I really worked it on my eye makeup, I woke up the next day with crusty itchy eyes. This is the 3rd or 4th balm that’s done that so I’m officially never using cleansing balms again. It does work at taking off makeup, though, so if you enjoy these kinds of products, I would recommend it!

The Body Shop Tea Tree Facial Wash: I love to use this as my cleanser at night. I enjoy the scent of tea tree oil, and it is rather strong in this product, so keep that in mind if you want to try it. It works great with my skin.

The Body Shop Aloe Calming Cream Cleanser: I use this in the morning. It’s a very gentle cream cleanser. It’s nothing too extraordinary but it gets the job done.

GEE, YOUR HAIR SMELLS TERRIFIC

Hask Argan Oil Dry Shampoo: I’ve tried almost all of the Hask dry shampoos and I think this one is my favorite. Smells great, doesn’t create too much white cast in the hair (unless you go balls to the wall spraying it), good job at decreasing the look of oil in your hair. And OF COURSE it’s no longer sold at Hask or other retails. MOTHER FUC-

Raw Sugar Texture Dry Shampoo in Coconut and Maqui Berry scent: I have the Raw Boost cream that works wonders on my hair, keeping it smooth. So I wanted to try something else. This dry shampoo….doesn’t really do anything. Doesn’t really add that much texture, either. But it smells fantastic!

Giovanni 2Chic Blackberry and Coconut Oil Hair Oil Serum: I love this stuff. It’s a little harder to find in stores now, but you can still get it at the Giovanni website. This is like a cross between a gel and an oil, not too thin, not too thick. Great at controlling frizz, and smoothing out waves or curls. Smells amazeballs, too!

EvolvH Smart Volume Leave In Conditioner: I got this YEARS ago, maybe in a Petite Vour bag? Not sure, but I was nervous to use it because this kind of thing usually leaves my hair weighed down and looking greasy. In fact, I said that in the initial unboxing and the company actually replied on my post, guaranteeing the product wouldn’t do that. And I’ll be damned if they weren’t right. This was really nice for my hair. And now that I’ve been bleaching my hair for a while, I might look into purchasing a full bottle.

Raw Sugar Boost (not pictured): I grabbed a bottle of this at Meijer on a whim. This stuff is awesome! It keeps my hair frizz to a minimum; helps the waves/curls keep their shape as my hair dries, too. It’s so nice. Looks like it only comes in the small size, which is fine because mine lasted for months (to be fair - I only wash my hair 1-2x a week and only use this when my hair is still wet).

DEBRIS

Tom’s of Main Rapid Relief Sensitive Toothpaste: My go to for toothpaste. I did actually go a week or two without using it, just to make sure it was actually working. Holy shit, my teeth hurt so much before I went back. GAH. Will continue to purchase and use this product.

Mitchum Women Stick Deoderant: Love this stuff. Works great. Smells great. Is great. This was the gel form, but I prefer the solid stick. Both work well, but the gel takes a while to dry down and it still leaves white marks on your clothes if you’re not careful.

Cake Beauty Ultra-Nourishing Hand Cream: Again, not available from Cake Beauty anymore, so I just linked to their general hand cream page. This stuff was awesome. Absorbed fast, made my skin feel great, and smelled like lemon cake. Aaahhh….But this stuff is really old and started to smell kinda funky.

All righty. We’ve reached the bottom of the bin. Hope some of this was helpful, if you’re looking for recommendations. Until next time!

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs April 2020

I’m considering changing the name of these posts. The title is just a little long and not all that snappy, you dig? Something more like Yay or Nay, maybe Dead or Alive? I don’t know. I’m gonna ponder it for a while. Maybe by the next post, I’ll have my shit together. In the meantime…

For those of you who are new here, this is basically my likes and dislikes of products I’ve used over the past 3 months. Some are things I’ve fallen in love with and can’t sing their praises enough; others are products that make me want to burn this whole damn world down. Let’s take a look!

PDs (Panty Droppers)

Colourpop Super Shock Shadow in Cuddle Buddy: I love me some CP super shocks. The only bad thing is that many of them dry out loooong before you can use them up. Case in point here. I loved the shade - a shiny, cool-toned pink that was a perfect color for me to put all over my eyelid and call it a day. But it’s crumbly and hard to work with now. Would definitely get it again, except they don’t sell this shade anymore. Dammit.

Tarte Clay Pot Waterproof Liner in Prom Queen: Absolutely loved this shade. I have nothing like it in my stash. It’s a mid-tone cool purple, and shows up surprisingly well over a lot of eye shadow shades. But, like CP, it started to dry out and is difficult to use now. They don’t sell this shade anymore, but they have three colors still available and on sale for $10! That’s cheap for Tarte.

NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil in Milk: This is my go-to base to put on my eye lids anytime I want an eye shadow to really stand out or to help with the pigmentation (I’ve tried other pencils and even white gel eyeliner, but they don’t work as well as this). Some shadows look rather sheer on their own, but put them over a white or black base and voila! Perfection achieved. This pencil is sooper old, though, and is unusable. And really gross. I already got a new one!

MEHs (Mehs)

ELF Eye Shadow Primer in Sheer: Though it says the color is ‘sheer’, there is some pigmentation here. It does cover discoloration, veins, etc., a little bit. I, personally, don’t like any color (like the Milani primer) but this is fine. However, its staying power is rather lacking. It holds eye shadows for just a few hours at most. I have really oily eye lids so maybe that has something to do with it. For the price ($3) it’s not horrible. It was actually the first eye primer I ever used, when I’d learned there was such a thing, but it was only $1 then!

TheYEON Jeju Canola Honey Clean Balm: One of those cleansing balms from Korea. Works great at removing makeup; smells nice. But I’ve developed a reaction to cleansing balms when I use them on my eyes (or if it gets in my eyes while using it on the rest of my face). They get all red, itchy, and crusty the morning after I use the balm. So I just can’t bring myself to finish this tub.

Pacifica Liquid Cover Full Coverage Lasting Concealer in 20NF: Don’t let that name fool you. It is NOT full coverage by any means (which is fine since I don’t like full coverage). But I bought it because it did claim it wasn’t drying and felt lightweight. It does feel light. So much so that it doesn’t cover anything. Well, maybe it adds a little coverage to the purple under my eyes, and was okay as a spot concealer. But it mostly it just blends away, leaving the skin looking kinda dry. It might work better for people with oilier skin or don’t have as many years on them as I do.

GFYs (Go Fuck Yourselves)

Colourpop Glitterally Obsessed Body Glitter in Wish Me Luck: What is the fucking purpose of this stuff? You use it once and that’s it. Even with a sealed container, this shit is completely useless after one application. And surprise, it’s not available on the site anymore. Just pressed glitters and glitter gels, which you have to dig to find because they’re not on any pop up menus. Figures.

Burt’s Bees Overnight Intensive Lip Treatment: If by treatment you mean it completely dries out the lips so you put on more balm, which dries out your lips MORE, so you put on MORE balm, which dries out the lips even MORE….do you see where I’m going with this?

Essence The Eyebrow Pen in Dark Brown: I’m practically crying over here as I type this. This is the 2nd pen I bought, just in case the first one was a dud (it happens in every makeup brand). NOOOOOOOPE. This pen was even worse than the last one. At least I got one eyebrow done with the last pen. I didn’t even get that with this one. Semi-permanent color, my ASS, Essence. FUCK YOU.

Real Techniques Eye Miracle and Finish Miracle Remedy Sponges: What the fucking fuck is the point of these? They don’t absorb water; they’re hard as rocks; they don’t blend out makeup. WHY DO THESE EVEN EXIST?? Gods dammit, RT. What the hell are you doing over there? Laughing all the way to the bank, I presume.

Okay. That’s it for this quarter. Hope everyone is being smart, staying safe and healthy, and hanging on to their sanity in any way they can. Until next time!

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs 2018 Year End

Again…gah. I haven’t done one of these for MONTHS, but I hope to get back into a regular schedule for 2019. For those who are new, instead of doing the generic “Likes and Dislikes” or “Fails and Favorites,” I call my list of crap I liked and hated as “Panty Droppers, Mehs, and Go Fuck Yourselves.”

Enjoy.

PDs

Tarte Rainforest of the Sea Foundation: I don’t usually spend my money on high-end makeup. Tarte is the exception. I prefer light coverage foundations, if I wear them at all, and this is perfection. It lasts all day on me and looks as good at the end of the day, as it did after first application. I had to get a new bottle, though, because my previous one expired before I could use it up. Right now I have Fair-Light Neutral, but I probably could switch to Fair Beige (they came out with a few new shades since I first bought it.)

Stila Huge Extreme Lash Mascara: I got this as a sample in one of my Ulta orders this year. And I didn’t want to like it because Stila is one of those high-end brands. But DAMMIT! This stuff makes my lashes look long, thick (rowr) and gorgeous.

A’Pieu Finger Blusher: This came in a 3B subscription bag (aaaaaages ago.) I can’t believe how long it lasted. The smell just started to go off, so I had to toss it. But if I can find this again, I would repurchase. Perfect cream blush - blends out beautifully, and the peach shade I had was very natural. One of the best blushers I’ve ever used. I don’t think they make it anymore, but YesStyle has a ton of A’Pieu products, so maybe one of the blushes in there will work as well…?

Lunatik Cosmetic Labs Lipstick in Lacrimosa: This has been one of my favorite shades of lipstick in a long time. The description from their website: Lacrimosa is a translucent shade with a pink hue packed with a kaleidoscope of color shifting sparkles. I got it back in 2014, I think, at a convention. Unfortunately, the bullet completely dried up and it’s now impossible to get any pigment out of it. Which makes me incredibly sad. So I guess I’ll have to go get another one!

I forgot to include these babies in the PDs pic above, so they’ll get special treatment. I know a lot of people don’t like the metallic lip look, because it makes the lips appear older/aged. Personally, I don’t care. I love how shiny the Metal Shock is (shade: Mercury,) and the Vibrant Shock (shade: Nightstalker) is just a gorgeous shock of color. Obvi.

The Vibrant Shock seems a teeny streaky at first, but you can definitely work with it to look just fine on the lips. These do dry down, but don’t become transfer proof. They’re just a titch sticky, but not the “sweet baby Jesus it’s gonna be 10 minutes before my lips separate!” kind of sticky.

MEHs

Wet n Wild Tour & Tease Lip Balm: It’s a nice soft wash of color, but sooooo drying. This might be one of those multi-use products (lips and cheeks) and, if so, that explains the dryness. Never has any dual product felt nice on either part of the face. Blech.

The Ordinary Serum Foundation: I love the thin consistency and light coverage; the shade is pretty good, too. But it makes my skin look like a 4000-year old papyrus notebook found in some Egyptian angsty teenager’s sarcophagus. Ugh.

BH Cosmetics Naturally Flawless Foundation: Really good coverage and a nice shade. But, again, makes my skin look super dry, and my pores appear the size of Iowa. Ah….no thanks.

Catrice Glam and Doll False Lashes Waterproof Mascara: I wanted to try the waterproof version of this because the regular version makes my lashes so long, the product transfers all over the damn place. This isn’t quite that good, PLUS it’s nearly impossible to remove. Hence, the reason I rarely wear waterproof makeup.

Essence Lash Princess Sculpted Volume Mascara: I love the original one (pink details) but this was just okay. The real problem is that it’s thick and gloopy, and never really dries out enough to be more controllable. Too bad.

GFYs

Notoriously Morbid Jinxed Jewels Liquid Eyeshadow in Tempting Devils: I got this little guy in the NM Halloween Advent Calendar. This shit is terrible. They say it can be worn on its own, layered, or over an eye shadow. I tried both, and it looked like hammered shit both times. Completely creased and crumbled off my eye after a few hours. I tried it more than once, just in case I layered it too heavily or not enough. Nope. Fucking awful product. (This is not for individual sale on the site.)

Notoriously Morbid Cosmic Gloss in Brooding Vampires: I’m specifically talking about the Brooding Vampires shade, which I also got in the Advent Calendar (I only took the pic of it with the Smoke & Fire shade to compare they came in the same full size container, but sure as FUCK don’t contain the same amount of product. The sticker may say 2 mls, but you can clearly see the base of the twist up tube is much higher on BV than on S&F. I only twisted the BV tube enough to get the product out - I haven’t worn this shade at all.) Brooding Vampires just came out of the tube as slightly tinted gloop. It never mixed with the base oils so I really don’t know what color this is supposed to be. Weak, and a little shifty on the packaging, NM. (For some reason, there are no links to get their Cosmic Gloss on the site - not sure what’s up with that because the Smoke & Fire shade is phenomenal.)

Tarte Aqua Concealer: Imagine my surprise when the concealer, in the same line as the foundation I love, makes my under eyes look dryer than a dust covered shelf in a long abandoned castle from the 18th century. Fuck you, Aqua concealer, you lying bitch.

Colourpop No Filter Concealer: See above, sans the corresponding foundation comment. (Full disclosure: I could have sworn they had regular and matte concealer, but all that’s listed on the site is matte - so that would explain the dryness.)

RK Extend Illusion Mascara: At first, I kind of liked this. But the more I wore it, the more I realized it was a tubing mascara, and those little fuckers shed INTO MY EYE BALLS. Fuck that noise. (I can’t find any place that sells this now so…there you go.)

NYX Matte Lip Cream (Moscow): I normally love these, but this particular color is patchy, hard to work with, and gets crumbly as it dries. Which explains why it’s not even for sale on the NYX website. At least they recognize when something sucks.

NYX Strictly Vinyl Liquid Eye Liners: So disappointed in this. I used the red shade once, and it was pretty cool. A few months later, went to use it again, and it was completely dried out. I bought a new bottle, the brown shade this time, and it was almost all dried up when I used it for the first time. Da fuck, NYX?

Catrice HD Liquid Coverage Precision Concealer: You know what this shit covers? Abso-fucking-lutely NADA. I appreciate the applicator design. I need to put concealer in a small, specific spot under my eyes or it becomes a shit show real fast. However, this all just blended away, but it left enough product behind to make my under eyes look like the Sahara. Fuck off, Catrice, you hit-but-mostly-miss beeyotch.

That’s it for 2018! See you on the other side, Ray.

Ipsy March 2018 Review

For those who don't know, Ipsy is a monthly subscription service. For $10, you get 4-5 sample sized (sometimes full sized) makeup, hair, and skin care products, as well as a reusable makeup bag. Check them out here: IPSY

(I purchase this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones)

March's theme has something to do with creating. Whatever. I don't particularly like the bag but I do enjoy being able to color it in. That's kinda cool. But let's get to the products!

Labotica Transforming Liquid Foil Mask: While this stuff looks super cool (like you're mutating into the Silver Surfer), the description of "gentle" and "great for sensitive skin" can SUCK MY BALLS. This stuff bonded to my face like the Man in the Iron Mask. It was not gentle to remove, my skin was irritated as fuck, and I broke out in a couple places across my chin. It's made by Leaders Cosmetics, a Korean brand, and it's on the "Pending List" over at Logical Harmony (which means they've reached out to the company about their cruelty free status but haven't heard back yet). Full size is $32 so this sample should be valued around $6.50. (CF - UNKNOWN)

VenEffect Pore Minimizing Cleanser: This company's products fight hormonal aging (that lack of estrogen we produce as we get older contributes to signs of aging). I enjoyed this face wash. Smelled like a spa but not overpowering. Gentle and my face felt really nice afterward. It'll be a nice travel product. Full size (150 mls) is $60 (yikes) so this 15mls sample should go for $6.00. (CF? - can't find any info)

Hikari Cream Pigment Eye Shadow in Shine: I wish I could have gotten the green color instead of gold but wutyougonnado? Very pigmented, soft eye shadow and it looks great on the eye. Not sure I want to keep it because I have a couple gold shadows already and it's not a color I use a lot. I can't find the exact amount but most shadows are around 2g so I'll assume this is full sized and worth $13. (CF)

Tarte Cosmetics Sex Kitten Eyeliner: I think I've only ever tried one Tarte eyeliner before and it wasn't great (which might explain why it was on clearance when I bought it). But this stuff is pretty bomb. Though it doesn't break through the Hikari eye shadow (not sure if you can see but it goes green on the eye over the shadow), I put it on my waterline & tightline after I took the picture and that shit didn't budge. Well, some of it did, which is to be expected, but most of it stayed in place. In fact, it took about 2 days for it to completely wash off my eye. This might be my go-to eyeliner for convention makeup I need to last at least 10 hours. Full size is $20 so this sample is worth $10. (CF)

Steve Laurant Beauty Lip Oil in Orchid: It looks pink but this is a clear oil. It feels thicker, like a gloss/oil hybrid. Sort of like what Milani did a few years back. This stuff feels nice, it's not sticky, and it smells like vanilla butter cake. NOM. This is full size and goes for $18. (CF)

Wow, looks like this bag is worth about $53.50. Pretty good deal though I'm disappointed that two of the products are not cruelty free/unknown CF status. I can usually forgive one but...to be honest, I'm thinking of phasing out of this subscription and trying something else. We'll see.

PD, MEHs, and GFYs November 2017

Oh MAN it's been too long since I've bitched about shit. I'm about to lose my Old Lady card and get kicked out of the Wool Shawl in Summer club. This post, though, should help get my tennis ball footed walker cred back.

For those of you who are new, welcome. This is my version of Favorites and Fails, Winners and Losers, or whatever the crazy kids are calling it on YouTube these days. Enjoy.

PDs (Panty Droppers)

Secret Key Lemon D-Toc Peeling Gel: This was my first exposure to a peeling gel. It's the consistency of aloe gel but smells like lemons. Actually kind of like artificial science lab kind of lemons but I could deal with that. You rub this on cleansed skin and those little balls that end up rolling around? That's all your dead skin clumping together so it can be rinsed away. I know it sounds gross but once you try it, and feel how AMAZINGLY soft your skin is after, you'll never doubt again. This is the old packaging so when shopping, look for the new bottle (in the link). I'm using the brand Skinfood's version now (pineapple, smells much better).

Formula 10.0.6 Picture Perfect Day: My new favorite day cream. Absorbs pretty well (does linger a bit on the skin's surface), no pungent smell, and has SPF 15. I'm almost ready for my 3rd bottle.

Formula 10.0.6 PM Perfector: My new favorite night cream. It's thick but light at the same time. I'm not sure how to describe it. It absorbs faster than the day cream, I think. And my skin feels nice in the morning.

Colourpop Brow Boss Pencil (in Soft Black): As most of you know, I don't have much in the way of eyebrows. But at the same time, when I want to fill them in, I don't like a heavy drawn on look. Powders usually work well for me or colored brow gels. Most pencils are so soft they come off very heavy and greasy looking. This is perfection. It's very thin, waxy (so it's not creamy/greasy), and allows me to draw in more realistic looking brow hair. And it's $5! Come on!

Essence Plump no Clump Mascara: I think this is the dupe of the Cover Girl Clump Crusher mascara, which I've tried and I loved. But once I started going cruelty free, I needed an alternative. This is it. It separates my lashes well, doesn't clump (duh), and doesn't transfer all over the place. UNFORTUNATELY, it's no longer sold at Ulta, the Essence US site doesn't have it, and Amazon is all out. It might be discontinued. FUCK ME.

MEHs (Meh, obviously)

Precious Skin Elixirs Exfoliating Clay: It's one of those dry powders that you mix with just a little water right in your hand and smear all over your face. It was a nice exfoliator but I woke up the next morning the greasiest grease monkey that every greased. UGH.

Soap & Glory Sugar Crush Body Wash: While I love the scent of Sugar Crush, the wash is way too thin so you have to use a lot to get it to cover your entire body (bow chicka BOW WOW). By the time I got to the bottom of the bottle, it was mostly like mixing water with water to wash myself. LAME.

Doucce Maxlash Volumizer Mascara: The mascara did a nice job of thickening my lashes and they looked great. But the next morning, even after taking off my makeup the night before, my eyes were all red and irritated and goopy. Ew.

Tarte Amazonian Clay Gifted Mascara: This stuff was great at first. I even posted on IG about it. But the longer I used it, the gloppier the mascara got and it made my lashes look like a 60s spidery mess. And that sucks.

Tony Moly Cooling Eye Stick: This was very cooling on the skin. It felt great! But it totally broke me out. I don't usually get pimples in my under eye area but I did after using this. Boooo.

GFYs (Go Fuck Yourselves)

Catrice Prime & Fine Brightening Eye Shadow Base: This doesn't do shit for helping eye shadow last or look more intense. It's actually kind of shimmery which is fine if that's what you want. Otherwise I'd stick to NYX's jumbo eye pencil in Milk. ALSO, this changed color after only a couple of months. Gross.

Essence Forbidden Volume Mascara: If they mean it was forbidden to make a mascara that does what it says on the bottle then they hit the mark. No volume whatsoever. It was gloppy and smudged EVERYWHERE. Fucking weak.

Air Repair Super-Hydrating Eye Cream: Holy hell this stung like a mother fucker. I had to wipe it off immediately which kind of defeats the purpose, right? Totally useless.

Colourpop Brow Boss Gel: This stuff is more like a thick lotion so it never really dries down. It also doesn't last for more than a few hours which is fine because IT DOES NOTHING. I don't have a lot of brow hairs but I have one or two with attitudes. This stuff didn't do a damn fucking thing.

Saem Iceland Hydrating Eye Stick: Though this had a nice cooling effect, that's not its purpose. It's supposed to hydrate. Does it do that? Nooooooope. Actually very drying for under the eyes AND it broke me out. So I guess these kinds of stick balm things are just not for me. Which is sad because look how cute the packaging is!

That'll do it for this round. I'll try to get these up once every quarter so they're not as long!

Morgue Drawer November 2017

Well...shit. I was going to try and stay on top of these better (heh) but with rental season at the hubby's store and October/Halloween and excuses and reasons and what not. Hopefully I'll be more regular (insert poop joke here) with these in the future. I definitely have some double-up subscription reviews coming! But for now, let's take a look at my garbage.

Not Much Pretty Going On

ELF Make-up Wipes: I've been buying these for a long time because they're very inexpensive. I don't use them on my face but for swatches when I'm testing something out or taking pics. But even as cheap as they are, I was going through them really fast. So I decided to switch over to a giant pack of baby wipes instead. I'll let you know how those work!

Everyone Face Wipes: Just wanted to try a different brand. These were not that great. Kinda dry and not worth the $6.

Beauty 360 Micellar Water: The only micellar water that's worked great is the Garnier brand. But it's not cruelty free so I've been looking for an alternative. This is not it. Does an okay job but leaves eye makeup behind and it can sting a little if you get too much in your eye. *sigh* Trying another brand now so I'll update you later.

Catrice Glamour Doll Volume Mascara: Though it says volume on it, it didn't do that great of a job in that department. Was nice for separating the lashes but that's about it.

Crazy Rumours Mint Chocolate Lip Balm: I loved this one. The banana flavor wasn't so great but this was fantastic. Smooth, hung around for a while, did a nice job of moisturizing. 

Real Techniques Lash/Brow Groomer: This was my second one. The first I had for years before it started to shed the metal tines. This one lasted a few months. What the hell? I did get another one and it's holding up very well. I think I just got a dud. It happens. I know there are plastic ones out there but I prefer the metal. Does a much better job of separating clumped lashes.

So Soft and Smooth

Tarte Deep Dive Cleansing Gel: I got a sample of this a while back and decided to get a full size (though it is the smaller bottle of the two available). It did make my skin feel baby smooth and cleaned it well. After a while it didn't feel the same and it may have stopped working. Not a problem because I didn't want to spend the $$ on another bottle anyway. But it was a nice change.

Tarte Maracuja C-Brighter Eye Treatment: Nothing special but it was nice enough. My dry patch didn't come back while using this so that's a plus!

The Ordinary "Buffet" Serum: Best thing I've tried from this line so far. I know I don't eat well so since I can't nourish my skin from the inside sufficiently, might as well do it from the outside! I only use 2 drops per use. A little goes a long way so the bottle lasts a while. And this is actually one of the more expensive items in their inventory - at $14. I think I'm on my fourth or fifth bottle already. Love it.

The Ordinary Rose Hip See Oil: I really loved this for some extra moisture in the winter time. But the product started to smell funny when I got about 2/3 of the way through the bottle. I didn't use it every day so maybe if I did, I would have finished it off before it started to turn. Might just purchase this during the winter time. And for rose hip oil, it's super cheap but it's really good.

The Ordinary 2% Rentinoid Emulsion: This is a gentler form of retinol so it does the same work (reduce wrinkles, helps with skin cell turnover) but it's just a little slower and much more gentle than the regular retinol you get in the drug store. But, as my former piano teacher said, once you're on this stuff you have to STAY on it. Fuck that noise. It's not expensive through The Ordinary but I just don't want to mess with it any more.

Air Repair Complexion Boosting Moisturizer: This was a really nice face cream. I used it at night, though, as it was heavier than I prefer for the day time.

Soap & Glory Peaches and Clean Cream Cleanser: The bottle says it removes makeup but every reviewer I've watched says it doesn't. I don't use it for that anyway. I use it as a regular cream cleanser in the morning. It's a nice gentle cleanser that works great. I'm already on my second bottle.

Shiny Hair, Shiny Teeth

Batiste Original Dry Shampoo: The scent is really nice on this one. But the powder is REALLY white. Make sure you work it in well! There's mixed info out there about this brand being Cruelty Free so I won't buy it again.

Hask Oil Absorbing Dry Shampoo: I enjoyed this one a lot. No white powder or residue but it feels more like a texturizing spray as opposed to a dry shampoo. It works very well though.

Marc Anthony Argan Oil of Morocco Hair Spray: I've been buying this for years. Soft hold, not super sticky, doesn't make my hair crunchy. But it's also not a super strong holding spray so keep that in mind. Smell is amazing.

Attitude Shampoo/Body Wash: This was fine. Felt like a clarifying shampoo, if you know what I'm mean. Hair was super dooper clean afterwards. I just don't like multi-purpose hair/body stuff. Usually very drying.

Tom's of Main Maximum Strength Sensitive Toothpaste: This is my preferred toothpaste. It helps with sensitivity, it doesn't make the inside of my mouth peel (sensitivity pastes do that to about 5% of us weirdos), and it's got fluoride. Not sure if I still NEED fluoride but my teeth are super prone to cavities so I'd rather not take the chance. Trouble is I only ever see this at The Vitamin Shoppe or sometimes health food stores. Dammit.

Tom's of Main Rapid Relief Sensitive Fluoride-Free Toothpaste: I got this when I couldn't find the above version. Works almost as well.

Get It Under Wraps!

Wish Formula Bat Eye Mask: Loved this one. The mask material is very soft and it's not over saturated with serum. It's also fun to have a bat sit on your face. Wait...

Bonvivant Collagen & Olive Face Mask: Very nice mask. The material was soft, had a decent fit around my eyes and mouth, smelled fantastic. The serum was more of a milky essence, read: not drippy. 

Choonee's Goat's Milk Face Mask: OMG I loved this mask. I started a new monthly subscription for just face masks and this was included in my first or second month. My skin LOVED the ingredients in this. It does come directly from Korea so unless you sign up for a service that will deliver it (like FACESTORY), you'll need to order directly from Korea.

Tarte Undereye Patches: These came in a sample set or travel set or something. Couldn't get on their own. Don't feel like they did much. Most of these kinds of eye patches don't, at least for me.

23.5N Rice Gel Mask: This stuff was pretty cool. And my skin felt nice and soft after using it. It's like aloe gel but a bit firmer, easier to spread across the face. No strong smell and it didn't burn. 

(DISCLAIMER: A lot of Korean skin care is hard to pin down on the cruelty free front. Within Korea, they are cracking down on animal testing and a lot of companies don't do it anymore. By 2018 they want to phase it out completely. Yay! But many companies do still sell to China and, again, it's difficult to find comprehensive info on company policies regarding being or going cruelty free.)

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs June 2017

All righty. This is TAKE TWO of writing up this post. I accidentally discarded the last one I worked on, just as I was getting to the end....

via GIPHY

Anyhoo...let's get to the products.

PANTY DROPPERS (PDs)

Beauty 360 Face Scrubby Thing: I really don't know what this is called but I saw a duo pack of these at CVS (360 is CVS's house brand). I have a tendency to go ham fisted with physical exfoliators (like those creams with grit in them or just a washcloth) but this thing makes it much easier for me to calm my shit down. The little silicone nubs are gentle enough to not rip my face off but you can feel that they really get in there and slough off the dead skin. I keep one in my shower and I travel with the other. The extra great thing is they don't retain water, like a sponge would, so there's no risk of slathering mold all over your face! (I can't find a link at CVS for these, though)

The Ordinary "Buffet": People on YouTube were going NUTS over this brand for a hot minute. Things seemed to have calmed down but I don't know why. This brand makes some really good skin care. The packaging is simple and they don't load in shit you don't need (fillers, dyes, scents, etc.). That's why their prices are so freakin low. The Buffet is a peptide serum and I honestly think it's done wonders for my skin. It's the most expensive thing I've purchased from them ($15) and compared to regular stores, it's almost like shopping at the dollar store! I have since repurchased and will continue to do so.

NYX Ultimate Palette (Cool Neutrals): Everyone and their mother goes ape shit for warm colors. I'm so tired of the warm browns, coppers, oranges, blahblahblah. Don't get me wrong - I do wear them. I'm just TIRED of them. So this is a god send. Colors are beautiful, pretty pigmented, and blend like a dream (the purple one is a bit patchy and the light ones you can't really see because they are very close to my skin tone). 

Merchant of Galifrey Lip Balm (Cassian): I've found that some lip balms don't actually moisturize or protect the lips. I know, right? But this shop from Etsy has made some great ones! Tons of scents so you're sure to find something you'll like. I got the one inspired by Star Wars: Rogue One's character of Cassian - pear, clove, and dulce de leche. So not only does it smell good, last long, and work great, I think of Diego Luna every time I put it on my lips. Mmmmm....Diego....

TheBalm Mad Lash Mascara: I love the formula of this mascara. It does a great job of thickening and lengthening my lashes. Sometimes TheBalm stuff can be hit or miss but this stuff is awesome.

Milani Eye Shadow Primer: I've tried a bunch of different brands but this is the one I always goes back to. Just repurchased.

Colourpop Creme Gel Eyeliner: This stuff is no joke. Once it's on the eyes, even the waterline, it doesn't budge one inch. The problem, though, is the darker ones dry out really fast. I had the dark green color (which is no longer available - probably because it basically looked black) but the product got too try to work with before I could use it up. The browns are a little easier to work with, stay creamier longer, but still have the same staying power.

Colourpop Super Shock Shadow (Dare): I can't tell you how many times I've received compliments on this shadow when I wear it. A gorgeous neon purple with hot pink and violet glitter. But as you can see from the swatch, it dried out before I could even hit pan. It's basically just dry scratchy glitter now and OMG COLOURPOP IS HAVING A SALE ON THEIR SHADOWS. Excuse me a moment...

MEHs

NYX Le Frou Frou Mascara: For something that claims to give volume and length, it really does neither. My lashes looked nice, soft and natural, but no better than that. So while it's nice to use for those kind of days, I don't turn to it to get more special.

Bronx Colors Matte Lip Tint: The color was pretty, though a little brighter than the swatch on-line, but the formula was dry and kinda streaky. Not a great first impression, Bronx.

The Body Shop Vitamin E Serum: At first this stuff seemed great. It smells fantastic and it gave me a little extra moisture I needed at the time. But after about a month the smell went...off. I'm almost positive, too, that this broke me out a bit. Not gonna ever use again just to be safe. 

Essence Get Big Lashes Mascara: Again, another one that claims to make your lashes really thick and long but really only gives you a soft natural look. Which is fine but not what I was looking for when I bought this.

Tarte Skinny Smolder Eyes (Amethyst): The color is kinda dull and the product itself wears off really fast. Though it feels creamy going on and smudges out well, it's just so...lackluster. Probably why it's on sale at the website.

TheBalm Mad Lash Mascara: This also get a MEH rating - for the packaging. Instead of a normal twist open tube, they have this one as just pull straight out (oy) and snap back in. It's a tight fit (really?) so after yanking on it for a second or two (for crying out loud), the wand flings product everywhere (geez) then gets all over the packaging (mic drop). Ugh.

GO FUCK YOURSELVES (GFYs)

Burts Bees Facial Cleansing Towlettes: Oh gods these suck so bad! The cloths come out mostly dry and they sting like a fucking beast. They also smell very herbally which is great for marinara sauce but not for my fucking face.

City Color Color Corrector Pens: I really wanted to try the orange toned one for the purple under my eyes, as well as try out the green just for shits and giggles. They came as a trio on Haute Look so I got them all. FUCKING AWFUL. They're twist up pens so after about 4 days of twisting, a little teeny tiny bit of product came out. Mostly dry and crumbly, they dried darker once on the skin (except the green - that one was ok). I maybe got 3 uses from them. SO FUCKING TERRIBLE.

Addictive Cosmetics All Natural Lipstick (Maleficent): I've purchased stuff from this Etsy store before that I've loved. But this lipstick is just awful. Patchy as fuck, thin formula, it will not go opaque no matter what I do, not even over a lip liner. I don't know if it's because it's a sample and not a full bullet or what. Ugh.

Urban Decay Perversion Mascara: You can see I have two sample tubes of this crap and I haven't used up either. The formula is so thick and goopy, it's impossible to work with. Maybe if I had thicker lashes it would be okay. But I don't. So it isn't. Blech.

Shea Moisture Dragons Blood & Coffee Cherry Mask: HOLY FUCKING BALLS THIS STUFF HURT SO BAD! I've used SM stuff in the past and I've liked it. But about 30 seconds after I got this mask on my face it started to burn. Like Human Torch burn. Like Darkman caught in his lab fire burn. Which makes me so sad because it smells fantastic. But it's not worth the price of possibly becoming disfigured (that's hyperbole for those of you without a sense of humor).

All righty. That'll do it for my list of awesome and awful. See you in a few months for another installment!

Morgue Drawer June 2017

I was going to start posting these MDs more often. I would fill up a box with empties and post. But since February, I got a bigger box (that's what HE said) so it took a lot longer to fill it up (oh wow) and so here we are, four months later. Sorry. I'll try to keep it as short as possible!

ALL THE PAMPERING

So many face masks. They are my weakness. As far as skin care is concerned, anyway...

Skin Rx Labs Re-turn Express: This was an awesome mask. It's been the softest one I've ever tried (and I try a lot). Well saturated and fit pretty good, too.

When 10pm: Very thin mask but it had two protective sheets on either side. Jelly consistency serum. Felt a lot like the rice mask kit I had a while back. Not a ton of left over serum to use but it was nice. The eye holes were a bit small.

When Hydrate: Loved this one. The mask itself felt like jello - like a thin but firm gelatin. So cool. My skin felt so nice after this.

Bonvivant Adenosine & Acai Berry: This is the best Bonvivant mask I've tried. Fit really well and the serum was like a milky essence. My skin felt fantastic!

3 Step Nose Strip (little grey rectangle in the pick - sorry I can't remember the brand!): This was kinda fun. The first step melts the sebum around the nose. It felt like menthol, kind of intense. The second step is the charcoal sticky strip that you have to put on, wet, then let sit before pulling off. Third step was like a mask/serum for the nose. The next day after using this I got a big zit at the end of my nose. :(

Hada Labo Anti-Aging: Super soft material and it fit well. The next day my skin felt great.

Sorry for my Skin Brightening: These are always nice. Not sure if each kind does anything different from the rest but I love the jelly consistency of the serum.

Forencos 7 Days Friday: I only got one of the seven in a snack box (of all things). Super saturated, lots of left over serum to soak on top. Once I was done, though, it stayed tacky on my face. Never fully sunk in. The holes in the mask were small. My skin felt nice but the next day I was super oily in my T-zone.

My Beloved Girl Extreme Moisture: Decent, skin felt very nice (don't have a lot of notes on this one).

Nan Well Cucumber: I LOVE this one! Very soft material, my skin felt great the next day. I've used this one a few times and it's always been nice. (can't find a link, though)

SooAe Brightening: Very saturated, felt really nice. My skin loved it. But the eye holes were way too small.

ToSowoong Super Aqua Essence: This stung like a mo fo. Had to take it off after 3 minutes. My skin was sticky for hours.

CLEAN THAT SHIT UP...THEN SOFTEN IT

Mario Badescu Enzyme Cleansing Gel: This was a nice, gentle cleanser. Hard to get out of the bottle by the end (as you can still see some in there). Haven't repurchased.

Tarte Deep Dive Cleansing Gel: I got this sample with a Tarte order and I loved it. My skin felt so soft and smooth afterwards. I ended up buying a bigger size.

DHC Deep Cleaning Oil: Got this sample in the mail (I think the 3B site sold my info to their affiliates because I got a travel size of this in a past bag). I really like it though. I'm using the travel size now. I might actually buy this.

The Ordinary Hyaluronic Acid 2%: I got this as part of their recommended anti-aging regimen (along with their Buffet serum, Retinoid, and Rose hip oil). I don't feel that this stuff gave me any extra moisture like it's supposed to. Haven't repurchased.

Tarte Maracuja Oil (not pictured): Got a tiny sample of this stuff from Ipsy, I think. Don't really remember. LOVED this for my skin. But this shit is super expensive so I haven't repurchased. I'm reusing the bottle for The Ordinary's rose hip oil and take that with me when I travel. 

Mario Badescu Rose Face Spray: My love for this has not changed. Got two big bottles from Haute Look for a great price so I'm good for a while.

Mario Badescu Hyaluronic Eye Cream: The color changed a bit on this as I got to the bottom so I had to toss it. It works really well but that little dry patch under my eye hasn't returned so I'm probably not going to buy this again unless that little bugger come back.

Mario Badescu Aloe Moisturizer: Decent but it's a little thick for a day cream. Hard to spread over the face evenly without using a giant dollop of it. Won't repurchase.

GOODLY WOMEN DO NOT PAINT THEMSELVES...UNTIL THEY DO

ELF Cleansing Cloths: I don't use these for my face. They sting. But they're great for removing swatches. And they're $3.

Heimish All Clean Balm: This came from 3B and I think it was the second cleansing balm I ever tried. I love this. I love the idea of using this kind of gel/cream cleanser to take off makeup. Sure you have to use a regular cleanser after but this 2-step cleansing routing is all the rage now, I guess (an oil would be another option if you don't have the balm). I want to find this or another kind someday.

Tarte Lights Camera Lashes Mascara: Probably one of my favorite mascaras of all time. It's expensive though so I wait for Ulta to have a sale where I can get it 50% off.

NYX Dewy Setting Spray: Not sure this makes me look dewy but it's great at setting makeup and helping it last a long time. It's a little better than the Elf stuff I used to use.

Essence Make Me Brow: Those who know me know I don't have a lot in the way of eye brow hair. So if I just want to thicken them a little bit but not go overboard, this colored gel is perfect. And it's $3! If they made one in grey, that would just complete me so much.

Elf Lip Exfoliator in Cherry: This is such a great idea. I think I had this in my PDMEHGFY post in February. It's a great way to exfoliate your lips in a nice neat package. I have the grapefruit one now and I think it's even better than the cherry flavor.

Milani Lip Oil (raspberry, I think): I loved this stuff at first. Very soothing on the lips. But eventually I realized it didn't moisturize all that well. *shrug* Won't repurchase.

RANDOM ASSORTMENT

Tom's of Main Sensitive Toothpaste: This is the nicest sensitive toothpaste I've ever used. Works well and doesn't make my mouth peel (which, according to my dentist's hygienist, is something a very small percentage of the population experiences with sensitive toothpastes - so I'm NOT crazy). Will continue to repurchase.

Paul Mitchell Purple Shampoo: Yes, I don't have blonde hair but a YouTuber I watch (Shannon Shortcake) used this on her bleached platinum hair and a little bit of it turned lavender/grey/purple. So I thought I'd give it a shot on my white/grey hair. It actually does deposit a little lavender/silver touch to my temples and makes the rest look less brassy (if that term can be applied to salt and pepper grey). I might try a few more kinds but I really like this and it smells like cucumbers!

Living Proof Styling Treatment: Got this in an Ipsy or something. While I don't like a lot of this brand's other stuff, this styling cream is actually perfect for my short hair. But they aren't Cruelty Free so I won't be buying again (unless I really can't find a CF alternative).

Mitchum Gel Deodorant: My tried and true Secret deodorant stopped working for me so I had to find a replacement. Mitchum actually works really well. This 'gel' formula is more like the thin watery roll-on style so it flings all over the place. I've since bought the solid stick and that's much better!

GET YOUR FILTHY PAWS OFF MY SILKY DRAWERS

Everyone Hand Soap: I wanted to find a cruelty free option for hand soap and I found this stuff at the local Vitamin Shoppe. This scent is heavenly for the kitchen. Very bright and clean. A couple of the other scents are nice, too.

Method Foaming Hand Wash (Sweet Water): Technically, Method does test on animals (a small kind of water bug which maybe a lot of people don't consider on par with bunnies and puppies but it's still a living creature) so I really only buy this scent. The hubs likes to use it to wash his face and it works really well for him so I will continue to buy it.

Bath & Body Works Foaming Hand Soap (Vampire Blood): This only comes out at Halloween so of course I have to buy it. But if you're NOT new here, you know that even though BBW sells in China, I will still buy these kinds of soaps, their candles, and some shower gels because I haven't been able to find anything else that compares. I'm not sorry.

Okay. That'll do it for this installment of my Morgue Drawer. Again, I'll try to do these once a quarter so they're not so much to take in at once (really?).

Ipsy March 2017 Review

Well, it looks like there's a slight change in the Ipsy set up this month. Instead of a big card filled with useless platitudes and bullshit, it's now a tiny card with useless platitudes and bullshit. I'm wondering if the smaller card and larger bag are related in any way...

For those who may not know, Ipsy is a monthly subscription service. For $10 you receive 4-5 sample (sometimes full) sized products in a reusable makeup bag. Check them out for yourselves here: IPSY

(I pay for this with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones)

Not sure if the "Pretty is as pretty does" is the theme but who fucking cares anyway? The bag is larger than what's been sent in the past. Maybe a couple extra inches...and who doesn't like a couple extra inches, amirite? The bag feels like microfiber, is a pretty peach/pink color, and the design on the front is kinda cool. Have to say I'm digging this bag. It'll be great for travel. The products are:

Air Repair Skincare Complexion Boosting Moisturizer: I do like to try different moisturizers. Never heard of this but it touts being great to help repair damage and sooth dry skin. $21 for full size so this 10ml sample is about $3.50 (CF)

Cake Beauty Desserted Island Surpeme Body Mousse: Sometimes body and hand creams can be hit or miss. This feels very light but moisturizing. I'll let you know how it does but it smells heavenly (coconut and vanilla). Full size is $22 so this sample is $2.75. (CF)

Tarteist Quick Dry Matte Lip Paint: I can't tell if I got Rose or Delish. Both colors on line look the same but NOT what it looks like on me. It's a very warm terra cotta shade on my lips so I don't like it. The formula, however, does exactly what it says. It dries in seconds! It also doesn't feel drying, almost like there's nothing on your lips at all. It's totally transfer proof, until you eat something oily at least. Not sure about just water. But I'll see if anyone else wants this because I won't wear it. Full size is $20 so this 6ml sample is just over $3. (CF)

Doucce Freematic Eyeshadow in Marisa: The swatch doesn't really do this shade justice. It's got a bronze/pink shift to it (sort of like Urban Decay Fireball or Colourpop's Come and Get It). In the pan it looks rosy but not so much on the eyes. You can use this wet or dry depending on the look you want. I can't tell from their site but this looks like a full sized pan and it's worth $10. (CF)

Elizabeth Mott Blending Brush: LOOOOVE when they put in makeup brushes. And this one is so dang soft! I can't wait to use it. Full size and is worth $15. (CF)

All righty. This month's bag is worth just about $34. Not terrible, considering I'm kind of excited about all the products AND the bag is bigger than before. And everything is cruelty free. Whoop!

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs February 2017

I don't have a lot of stuff that moved me or made me super angry these past few months. But compared to the Morgue Drawer I just typed up, this will be a welcome relief.

PANTY DROPPERS

Tarte Cosmetics Shape Tape concealer: There was a shit ton of hype over this on YouTube and there's good reason. This shit is awesome. The tube is HUGE so you get a ton of product (.34 ounces is much more than standard concealer tubes). It's creamy and blends well; great coverage; very little creasing (even for those of us with more wrinkles than others). Tarte has since come out with more shades so that's cool. I could probably even go one shade darker in this. I have 'Light' and it's very bright on me. It is pricey but worth it, as most Tarte stuff is. (CF)

ELF Lip Exfoliator: I have the Cherry Tart flavor and I love it. It's shaped like a regular lip stick but it's a sugar scrub. Lots of people think it's too dry but I think it's perfect. There's a nice balm left behind after the sugar melts. It's a great lip prep. (CF)

MEHs

Essence Lash Princess False Lash Effect: This is supposed to be more voluminous than the original Lash Princess but I didn't find that to be true at all. Looks more natural and the product tends to get clumpy around the opening of the tube and a bit on the brush. (CF)

ELF Poreless Face Primer: This is so MEH that I mentioned in my November post back in 2016. Kept trying it out and yep, it's still pretty average. Most of the bottle is left so I'm going to donate it somewhere. (CF)

LA Girl Glazed Lip Paint: Gorgeous color but it goes on patchy. It's also has just an angled plastic tip (no sponge) so it's nearly impossible to apply neatly. (CF)

GO FUCK YOURSELVES

Etude House Moistfull Deep Cream: This stuff left my skin super greasy the next morning and I'm pretty sure it broke me out. LAME. (CF but sells in China)

Benefit Dew the Hoola liquid bronzer: First off there's barely enough product in this sample to get a really good idea how it looks. Second it broke me out. Fucking weak. (NCF)

Mint Pear beauty sponge: It felt like I was beating myself in the face with a rock. Thanks for the black eye, asshats. (CF)

Wei Rapid Glow Liquid Milk: I wasn't sure if this broke me out until the second time I used it and holy balls my skin fucking HATES this shit. I think I'm done with Wei products. (CF)

Essence Super Fine liquid liner pen: This pen dried out waaaay to fast and it smudges like a bitch. Ugh. (CF)

Short, sweet, and to the point. That'll do, pig. That'll do.

Morgue Drawer February 2017

Holy crap I've got a lot of garbage...I mean, empties to go through. I got a new box (heh...dirty) to store them in and it's a lot bigger than the last one. So let's just get started.

I'm Ready for my Closeup

These piles include all my face masks, serums, or anything related to skin care.

Purpletale 5-Step mask: Really nice. The mask came in two pieces so it fit better than most one piece sheet masks. The whole pack includes cleanser, moisturizer, serum, and mask. I thought I'd wake up greasy but I didn't. Very nice little kit. (?)

Tosowoong Refresh masks: I can't remember what the pink one is but the blue was Sea Cucumber. Smelled super fresh and felt great. Very moisturizing. (CF - I think)

Tosowoong Rice Paper pack: This was kind of a DIY mask. You fill a shallow tray with the serum/essence and put the dried sheet in it for 5 minutes. Comes out pliable like jello/jelly. Doesn't stay wet and drippy and there was really no remaining serum to pat into the skin. Probably won't buy again. (CF)

Wish Formula honey fermented mask: Very dry on my forehead and dripping off my chin. The mask itself was super soft. My skin felt like the serum was equally distributed despite the mask feeling dry in some parts. Maybe it absorbed into the skin? It was okay. (CF)

Leaders Anti-pollution Mask: Fit terribly! The serum on it was great but since the mask's fit was so bad it didn't get onto all areas of my face. Too bad. (NCF)

Body Shop Ethiopian honey mask: Not a sheet mask - just straight up jelly to spread on the skin. Felt fantastic. But it never dried down so it was difficult to remove without a washcloth. Couldn't tell if it improved the feel of my skin, though. (CF)

Nan Well Aloe Collagen mask: The mask itself was the softest nicest mask yet. Very moisturizing serum. I think this has been my favorite so far of all the masks I've used. (?)

Ultrue I'm Sorry For My Skin (various): I love the jelly serums on these masks. Not sure if they all perform differently or not but they feel great and my skin loves them. The mask does dry out right above my lip, though. That's kind of irritating. (CF)

It's Skin Todak Todak Pack: I thought this would be jelly but it was like a clay mask, very similar to my Freeman's Strawberry and Chocolate. Felt great! (?)

Bon Vivant Masks (various): The olive/collagen and rose ones are nice, though they dry out on various spots on my face. The lime one was awful. My skin got very irritated and my cheeks were red the next day. (?)

MasquerAide Weather Warrior mask: It was...okay. (? - their WashBeautyCo is CF but can't find any info on MasquerAide itself)

Mario Badescu facial spray: I love this stuff and I've talked about it before. Unfortunately, it seems Mario is now selling in China where they require animal testing on imported goods. *sad trombone* (NCF)

Etude House Pink Vital Water and Age Defense Essential Softener: Both are very thin moisturizers. I wouldn't use them on their own but they're a nice addition if you need just a little extra moisture. (CF but sell in China)

V10+ Serums (various): I couldn't tell if these did anything and I got about a week's worth of use from each packet. They all felt like water or thinned down aloe gel. Didn't irritate my skin so that's good, I guess. (?)

Soft, Smooth, and...Stink Free?

Secret Outlast deodorant: I don't know why I put this in with the moisturizers...eesh. I've used this brand for years but for some reason, it doesn't seem to work that well anymore. I've switched up to a new brand so I'll let you know how that works. (NCF)

Burt's Bees Intense Hydration Night Cream: Meh. Very very thin formula so it didn't feel like it did that much heavy duty moisturizing, which is what a night cream is supposed to do. Also BB will be selling in China so they can no longer be considered cruelty free. (NCF)

Dead Sea Premier body butter: I got accosted by one of those mall kiosk people and ended up with 3 tubs of this and 3 tubs of a body salt scrub. While the smell on this body butter IS AMAZING, and it does moisturize well, it's not worth the $$$ I got swindled into paying for it. (CF)

Alba Hawaiian lip balm: Good balm, didn't wear off too quickly or dry my lips. But the pineapple scent was just too overpowering. (CF)

Dessert Essence lip rescue: Meh. Little drying. (CF)

Purlisse lip nourisher: This was okay. Similar texture to Malin & Goetz but not as thick or long lasting. (CF)

Malin & Goetz Mojito lip balm: I got this AGES ago in an Ipsy bag, I think. I kept it on my nightstand but didn't use it every night so that's why it too so long to use up. It felt like the never ending tube! Product is fantastic. Thick clear balm, stays on all night (yes, all night), and smells like lime! Would definitely repurchase. (CF)

Yu-be skin cream: This is really only good for the feet. The menthol scent is super strong and I couldn't handle it on my hands. BUT...if you have sore feet, rub this stuff on them. Awesome. (CF)

My Makeup...MY MAKEUP!

NYX Makeup Remover: This stuff was pretty awesome. Left a little film but that doesn't bother me. The super small size does, though. There are other things I want to try so now that I've used these up on moving on to bigger and better (I hope). (CF)

ELF Cleansing Cloths: I just use these to clean off swatches. Don't like them for my face or eyes but for $3 a pack, I don't feel like I'm wasting money. (CF)

Sweet Libertine Mineral Veil: I found this company on Etsy. I don't think they exist anymore (I got this years ago) but this stuff is gorgeous. Adds a soft glow to the face/body without glitter. (As in indy company, I'd guess they were/are CF)

Too Cool for School Lip Balm: Not sure if this is a balm per se but that's how I used it. It was a soft pink/peach color that was perfect for just adding a little color and shine. Unfortunately, it was pretty drying on the lips and I never made it through the whole pot before it dried out. (?)

Pur Cosmetics Volume Vixen mascara: Rather thick and gloppy formula and smelled terrible! Didn't so much volumize as get all over my eye lids to make it LOOK like the base of my lashes were thick. Lame. (CF)

The Leftovers

Tom's of Main Toothpaste: I normally use the sensitive kind but had some whitening stuff I needed to use up. I've loved every kind of tried from this brand and will continue to use the sensitive. It's the only one that doesn't destroy the inside of my mouth. (CF)

Hask Strengthening shampoo: I don't think this strengthened anything but it's a decent shampoo. You know, it cleaned my hair. (CF)

Soap & Glory Rich and Foamous body wash: Love this stuff. Smells like oatmeal cookies. By the time I got to almost the end of the bottle, the product had thinned out and I needed to use 10 pumps to get it to foam up. So probably won't get it again. Maybe. (CF)

Spring Valley Tea Tree oil: I love using this for spot treating zits or problem spots on my face. Doesn't really matter what brand it is. Unfortunately, I think this one expired (the date rubbed off) and it really fucked up my face for over a week. Gotta be more careful next time. (?)

Tarte Deep Dive gel cleanser: Holy balls this stuff is awesome. My skin felt amazing, almost like I used one of those gel peel products (you know, you rub it all over your face until the dead skin balls up and you rinse it off). This is pricey, though, so not sure if I'll bite the bullet and order a full size. (CF)

I'm exhausted. That'll do for now!

Ipsy December 2016 Review

Almost end of the year, folks. Where the FUCK did 2016 go? Personally, I'm happy to see it leave.

For those who don't know, Ipsy is a monthly subscription service. For $10 every month you'll get sample (sometimes full) sized beauty, hair, and skin products in a reusable make-up bag. Check them out here: IPSY

I pay for this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones.

This month's theme is Carpe P.M. Have I mentioned how much I LOATHE these fucking useless themes? That said, the bag is kind of adorable. At first I was hesitant but the fuzzy deep fuschia wine colored bag is growing on me! Also the products look pretty fucking sweet.

Mint Pear beauty sponge: I adore makeup sponges. They make foundation look flawless and they're also great for smoothing out concealer or any other cream product. Even nice to tamp down too much highlighter (is there such a thing as too much highlighter??). I haven't used this yet but even dry it feels soft enough. It looks full size which is valued at $20. (CF)

UPDATE: I just used this the other day and it SUUUUUCKS. It does not absorb water like it's supposed to and felt like I beat myself up with rock when I tried to apply foundation. 

Make Beauty moonlight primer: I've never seen a primer start out looking like the black ooze that's usually involved with alien abductees. This product claims to protect the skin against High Energy Visible light and Infra Red light - both which apparently fuck your shit up in the premature aging department. It feels super light and absorbs quickly. Haven't used it as a primer yet so I'll let you know. 1 fl. ounce goes for $55 so this .1-ish ounce should cost around $5.50. (CF) This company also donates 10% of its sales to We See Beauty foundation. Cool.

Tarte Cosmetics Tarteist Glossy Lip Paint in WCW: I love Tarte cosmetics, man. So anytime I get something in one of my bags I'm happy. The formula on this lip paint is smooth, not sticky at all. The color is fucking gorgeous! That said, though, it is streaky (which you can see in the hand swatch) and dark glossy lip products just love those crevices around my lips. I can use a lip liner with this but I'm less likely to reach for this because of those two factors. Full size is $20 so this sample is worth around $3. (CF)

Cake Beauty heavy cream intensive hand repair balm: This stuff smells like straight up vanilla cake. So delicious! And it's a super thick hand cream that works pretty dang well. And now is the time of year for this kind of treatment! Full size costs $22 so this sample should be valued around $6.50. (CF - and Canadian!)

NYX Prismatic eyeshadow in Punkheart: I love NYX and I love their prismatic eyeshadows. These little pans of almost duochrome wonderfulness are super pigmented and blend out like a dream. I have Frostbite already so I'm excited to add this gorgeous plumy purple shade to my collection. This is full size and goes for $6.

Overall looks like this bag is worth somewhere around $41. Not too bad. Yes, I've had higher valued bags but I don't think I've been as happy with all the products like this. Nice way to end the year, Ipsy! And with all cruelty free companies. Hooray! Now PLEASE start making cards with product info already. Maybe that can be your New Year's resolution, m'kay?

Ipsy November 2016 Review

Holy crap this month snuck up on me! When I got that pink envelope in the mail I was completely unprepared. Usually I feel like I've been waiting for months and months for it to show up...

Anyway, for those who may not know, Ipsy is a monthly subscription service. For $10 you get sample (sometimes full) sized beauty, skin, and hair care products in a reusable make up bag. Check them out here: IPSY

(I purchase this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones)

The theme this month is Rock Starlet, whatever the FUCK that's supposed to mean. OMG so useless! The bag is kinda cute, though. It's made of that neoprene squishy material which is cool. The little star zipper pull is also cute. But the products this month literally made me gasp out loud. Except the first one so let's get that out of the way.

Pur-Lisse blue lotus balancing moisturizer: I got an eye cream from this brand before and it stung like a mother fucker. Even the lip balm I got last month stings a bit. So I'm not happy to put more of their acid on my fucking face. I'll try to be brave but don't hold your breath. Full size is $55 for 1.7 ounces (fuck off) so this .5 ounce sample is probably around $18. (CF)

Eyeko Skinny liquid eyeliner deluxe in Black: I have heard so many great things about this brand so imagine my excitement when I got a sample of their liquid liner! I forgot to take a swatch pic but it's super black and dried very quickly with no smudging. Update: It's not that black on the eyeball and it does break down in the wing part, when I draw one obvi. But it can be layered without crumbling or looking like crap. The 2g full size is $18 so this 1.2 gram is just about $9. (CF)

Absolute New York Matte Stick in Dark Red: I love me some red lipstick! I tried to swatch it on my lips but with my new bite splint it looked kind of goofy (yes, I simply could have removed it but I just put it in and fuck you, it's my mouth!). But the swatch on my hand is GORGEOUS! The angle of the bullet is nice but it's not tapered so application is a bit messy. It dries down to look matte but does not feel drying at all. It's very comfortable. And it smells like candy! Not transfer proof, though, so keep that in mind! It looks full size which is $6. (CF)

Tarte Maracuja Oil: I'm not opposed to face oils and this one has had a lot of hype. With winter coming, I'm going to need extra moisturizing. This product, supposedly, also brightens and smooths skin's texture. It can also be used as a make up remover, hair tamer, and a cuticle oil. Though at $48 a pop, I'll save it for my face. This .7 ml sample costs about $20.

TheBalm Mad Lash mascara: I've never tried this brand's mascara before. Though the eyeliner I just reviewed was crap, I'm still excited for this. Apparently this product delivers great volume. I'll let you know. Full size (8 mls) is $18 so this 2.5 mls sample is around $5.50. (CF)

Overall this bag is valued around $58.50. And everything was from a brand that's cruelty free. Whoop! Good job this month, Ipsy!

Ipsy April 2016 Review

For those who may not know, Ipsy is a monthly subscription service. For $10, you will get a (sometimes) cute beauty bag with 4-5 samples, or full sized, beauty, skin, and hair products. It's a nice way to try new brands without committing to the full price tag! Check them out here: IPSY

I think from this point on I will try to remember to mark which brands are cruelty free (CF).

The theme for April is Dream On. WHHHHYYYYYYYY ARE THEY SO USELESS WITH THESE FUCKING THEMES??? The bag is kind of cute, though. The back is a bright yellow with tie-dye colors mixed in. I'm not mad at it. But the contents.....let's just break them down.

Crown Duo-Fiber Blush Brush: I always like getting brushes. I've received one or two Crown brushes before and they are awesome. So damn soft! They retail for about $24. That, right there, already covers the value of an Ipsy subscription. (CF - as far as their synthetic brushes go. Not sure how they can guarantee their suppliers of animal hair brushes are harvested cruelty free but that's what they claim).

Tarte Cosmetics LipSurgence Lip Creme: (right swatch below) I was super excited to get this. Tarte is one of those higher end brands that I've only ever purchased once with my own money (eye shadow palette that was decent). This is a generous sample size. The lip crayon is very creamy and has a nice minty scent - but it's not super strong so if you're sensitive to that, it shouldn't bother you too much. Full size is .1 ounces ($24) so this .05 sample runs about $12. And look at that color. So pretty! (CF)

Ok. That's about all I like from this bag. Let's get to the rest.

Nomad Cosmetics Eye Shadow in Desert Sands: Oh yay. Another bronze shade. Awesome. While the color is beautiful (left swatch above), feels soft, and it's a decent sample size, I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF BRONZE COLORS. Cripes. I know they want to put in colors that are more universal but shit - BRONZE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE, YOU KNOW. I can't find a price on this as it looks like the brand doesn't sell these individually but you can see the whole palette this comes from along with other palettes - which actually look pretty gorgeous and a good deal for everything you get. (CF)

Briogeo Overnight Hair Oil Treatment: While this concept is slightly intriguing, I don't look forward to the mess it will create. Since I'm not bleaching and coloring my hair right now, I don't really need this product. But I'll hang on to it just in case that changes....HAHA! Who am I kidding? I'll be so bored with my grey in about 2 months, I can feel it...Full size is 2 ounces ($28) so this sample of .3 ounces is probably around $9. (CF)

Juliette Has a Gun: It's called Not a Perfume so then what the fuck is it, JHAG? Oh, it's just a 'minimal scent', whatever the fuck that means. Personally I think it smells like algae water that passed through an isopropyl alcohol factory where an Orc grabbed it, drank it down then pissed it out onto a hobbit's head. This .16 ounce sample is about $20 (50 mls will cost you $100 and 100 mls is $135). (CF)

For the products I found pricing on, this bag is worth about $65. Pretty slick, Ipsy. Though I'm not super excited about 3 of the 5 products (#firstworldproblems, I know), I can't be too angry because they all come from companies that practice cruelty free/vegan/eco-friendly business.

See you all next month!

Ipsy December 2015 Review

The final Ipsy bag for 2015. Is it really the end of the year? What the fuck?

Ipsy is a monthly beauty subscription service that delivers 4-5 samples (sometimes a full size product) of beauty, skin care, and hair products for $10 each month. I purchase this with my own money and all opinion are my own. Check them out at: http//www.ipsy.com

The card this month was basically a thank you to all the subscribers for making Ipsy awesome. So...that was kind of nice, actually. The bag is a bright cherry red plastic with a quilted pattern. Sort of hideous but it's red so I dig it.

The RickyCare beauty sponge: the original Beauty Blender is getting a serious run for it's money with all these dupes out there. I personally use the Real Techniques one (because I'm not paying $20 for a sponge - RT is only $6). But this one feels so nice. It's almost like micro suede! I think this is full sized, too. Cost is $10 (still a bit pricey but the feel of it might be worth it).

Marc Anthony Coconut Oil Conditioning Treatment: I've used several products from this line (the hair spray is my favorite) but the last deep conditioning treatment left my hair greasy and weighed down. The Coconut oil might be better but I'm leery. This trial size is about $1.

Elizabeth Mott Eye Primer: I've heard of this brand but never tried anything from it. When I put it on but didn't powder set it before I put on eyeshadow my makeup totally faded and creased within a couple of hours. However, powdering it before applying eyeshadow makes it work much better. This sample is about $6 but full size is $20. That's a little pricey.

Tarte Cosmetics Amazonian Clay Finishing Powder: Tarte is one of those high-end brands so I was stoked to get it in my bag this month. I have one eyeshadow palette from them that is a little disappointing but I had high hopes for this powder. And aside from the slight white cast is gives me, my skin does look smooth and pretty when I used it. This sample is 1/2 the regular size and is worth about $7.

Pacifica Power of Love Natural Lipstick: Though the color says Nudie Red it's definitely warmer than I like. I don't love the color but the product itself is not bad. Very creamy, feels great on my lips, and lasts a while. The smell is a little overpowering (all their stuff smells like coconut) but I don't mind it. This is full-sized and worth $10.

I'm happy about the sponge, the lipstick, and the face powder. Looks like the whole bag is worth about $34 so that's cool!